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BIG PIZZLE
12-02-2008, 09:42 PM
According to a 9 y/o.

http://www.nypost.com/seven/12022008/news/nationalnews/i_wrote_the_book_of_love_141817.htm

http://www.nypost.com/seven/12022008/photos/new0c.jpg (http://www.nypost.com/photos/galleries/news/regionalnews/pp_20081202_how_to_talk_to_girls/photo01.htm)

(http://www.nypost.com/photos/galleries/news/regionalnews/pp_20081202_how_to_talk_to_girls/photo01.htm)


By JENNIFER FERMINO

http://www.nypost.com/img/sightings/camera_trans2.gif
Click for photo gallery (http://www.nypost.com/photos/galleries/news/regionalnews/pp_20081202_how_to_talk_to_girls/photo01.htm)

Last updated: 4:23 pm
December 2, 2008
Posted: 2:20 am
December 2, 2008


He's only 9, but this pint-sized pickup artist already knows plenty about pleasing the ladies.

So much, in fact, that Alec Greven's dating primer, "How to Talk to Girls" - which began as a handwritten, $3 pamphlet sold at his school book fair - hit the shelves nationwide last week.
PHOTOS: Nine-Year-Old Gives Dating Advice (http://www.nypost.com/photos/galleries/news/regionalnews/pp_20081202_how_to_talk_to_girls/photo01.htm)

The fourth-grader from Castle Rock, Colo., advises Lothario wannabes to stop showing off, go easy on the compliments to avoid looking desperate - and be wary of "pretty girls."

"It is easy to spot pretty girls because they have big earrings, fancy dresses and all the jewelry," he writes in Chapter Three.

"Pretty girls are like cars that need a lot of oil."

He advises, "The best choice for most boys is a regular girl. Remember, some pretty girls are coldhearted when it comes to boys.
Don't let them get to you."
Over a few Shirley Temples yesterday at Langan's on West 47 Street, Alec said that he culled his wisdom by peeking at his peers at play.

"I saw a lot of boys that had trouble talking to girls," Alec said.
As for his how-to, he concedes, "I never expected people to buy it like a regular book in a bookstore."

But with classic plain-spoken advice - like "comb your hair and don't wear sweats" - it's no surprise his 46-page book was a hit with boys and girls of all ages.

He believes the best way to approach a girl is to keep it to a simple "hi."

"If I say hi and you say hi back, we're probably off to a good start," he said.
As for his own love life, he said he is not dating anyone at the moment. "I'm a little too young," he confessed.

In his book, published by HarperCollins, he suggests holding off on falling in love until at least middle school.

Dating - which he defines as going out to dinner without your parents - is for "kind of old" people, who are 15 or 16.

Officials at the Soaring Hawk Elementary School said he wrote the book - which was the runaway bestseller at its book fair - for kids, but believe anyone can find inspiration in it.

Alec's mother, Erin Greven, credits her son's beyond-his-years insight to his avid reading.

"He reads nonstop. At dinner, I say, 'Put your book down,' " she said.

Alec - who just finished a children's book on the Watergate scandal - said he wants to be a full-time writer when he grows up, with a weekend job in archaeology or paleontology.


You're welcome.

riseabove!
12-02-2008, 09:48 PM
Everything will change in a year or two when wakes up and has to wash his sheets from all the semen

Genius
12-02-2008, 09:55 PM
97% of women are either fat, stupid, or crazy. That should be a whole chapter in the book.

vasili denisov
12-02-2008, 10:17 PM
There's no bigger turn-on for a woman than knowing if she touches her date she could end up in jail.

BIG PIZZLE
12-02-2008, 10:20 PM
Who wants to talk to them? I need to know how to get into their pants.

Then you should buy my new book: The Art of Rape.

Genius
12-02-2008, 10:20 PM
There's no bigger turn-on for a woman than knowing if she touches her date she could end up in jail.
I can think of, like, three bigger turn-ons than that.

taters
12-02-2008, 11:02 PM
"Come here Bitch..Stand and Deliva!" - Carl Brutanananaluski

http://bp0.blogger.com/_hf2Yudeh7dg/RqV3BCax4HI/AAAAAAAAAfk/ND_YtbyBm44/s400/Carl+ATHF.jpg

UNC
12-02-2008, 11:04 PM
I saw this hot chick at work today. I haven't seen her in a month. This is how it went:

Me : Hey
Her : Hey
Me : What did you do to your hair?
Her : Nothing
Me : I can tell

So Smooth

Archetype
12-02-2008, 11:06 PM
who just finished a children's book on the Watergate scandal

WHa?

UNC
12-02-2008, 11:08 PM
Me : I get real intimidated when I talk to hot girls. Thank God you're here

Soup Nazi
12-02-2008, 11:08 PM
I need this book.

UNC
12-02-2008, 11:08 PM
Me : Do you know how lucky you are that I'm even talking to you right now?

mongo
12-02-2008, 11:09 PM
me: i'm tim, and i don't have herpes!

Genius
12-02-2008, 11:10 PM
Next book in the series: How to talk to Marcus, and how to make him like you like that.

Genius
12-02-2008, 11:13 PM
Me: I have Viagra.
Her: Who doesn't?
Me: Oh.

Archetype
12-02-2008, 11:15 PM
I only need one book to teach me how to pick up chicks.

http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/2008/07/08-15/everyonepoops.jpg

UNC
12-02-2008, 11:18 PM
Me : What's twelve inches and white?
Her : I dunno
Me : Nothing

Gary_Busey
12-02-2008, 11:20 PM
Sense of humor has gotten me laid more times than my incredibly good looks and massive penis.

mongo
12-02-2008, 11:20 PM
Sense of humor has gotten me laid more times than my incredibly good looks and massive penis.

we all know good looks have never got you laid.

Hodge
12-02-2008, 11:20 PM
So,"Nice shoes, wanna fuck?" doesn't work anymore?

UNC
12-02-2008, 11:27 PM
I have found out the hard way, the more I talk, the less chance I have of getting sex.

freegood
12-02-2008, 11:55 PM
Candy and a shady van is still the way to go.

Kids these days and their new age BS.

Le Goat
12-03-2008, 12:07 AM
Who wants to talk to him? I need to know how to get into his pants.

fixed cause we all know hannibal likes young'uns

DjAg
12-03-2008, 12:26 AM
Everything will change in a year or two when wakes up and has to wash his sheets from all the semen

Am I the only person to never have that problem? It's called chronic masturbation. It stunts growth so Junior'll never peak out your whitey tidies and drains the dragon of his fiery breath, so your sheets will never catch fire.

Le Goat
12-03-2008, 12:26 AM
It's so true. I need your pecker to pierce my prostate

Gary_Busey
12-03-2008, 12:35 AM
I came in my sleep when I was 23. It was weird, but the dream was fucking awesome.

Le Goat
12-03-2008, 12:40 AM
my first wet dream was when i was 9. Shit was awesome.


Someone make a poll to see what age they had one.

Gary_Busey
12-03-2008, 12:42 AM
I honestly don't remember my first, but I do remember my last, Coincidently, masturbation has nothing to do with nocturnal emissions.

DjAg
12-03-2008, 12:42 AM
I've only came in my sleep all over some chicks back. It was only acceptable because she tried for an hour and a half the night before to make me finish and couldn't (I bet her she wouldn't), so it was more of a bragging point for her than a hassle to clean up... Though I'm not sure why she was bragging, she couldn't do what 5 minutes of sleep did.

Gary_Busey
12-03-2008, 12:46 AM
You have problems.

Le Goat
12-03-2008, 12:46 AM
my last wet dream was like 5 years ago. I usually just wake up touch myself.

Gary_Busey
12-03-2008, 12:48 AM
I woke up, remembered my awesome dream, then pulled up my sheets and threw them in the washer.

DjAg
12-03-2008, 12:53 AM
You have problems.

Did a guy named Gary Busey just say this about me? Either I have some seriously fucked up problems, or I am perfectly fine.

Gary_Busey
12-03-2008, 12:54 AM
Did a guy named Gary Busey just say this about me? Either I have some seriously fucked up problems, or I am perfectly fine.
You have seriously fucked up problems.

DjAg
12-03-2008, 12:55 AM
Well, might as well start drinking them away now then.

taters
12-03-2008, 12:56 AM
...and when they say 'Pimping aint easy', he says ' 'Yous a got-damn'd lie!'

Gary_Busey
12-03-2008, 12:57 AM
Black dudes have the worst pickup lines ever.

Oleg
12-03-2008, 01:25 AM
I'm confused. Why talk to women when you can just pay for them? Talking eventually gets you married. Money gets you anal.

}{arlequin
12-03-2008, 01:27 AM
me: nice shoes....... wanna fuck?

Will-Kill
12-03-2008, 02:11 AM
Never had a wet dream, I must be defective.

}{arlequin
12-03-2008, 02:15 AM
Never had a wet dream, I must be defective.
no big deal. i had one. sure, it was fun, from what i remember, but then you wake up...

locke8
12-03-2008, 02:19 AM
There is an increasing plethora of sluts on the horizon... either tell them that you like Twilight too or that their clothes fucking suck. I'm surprised at how much playing out the piece of shit/asshole role can get a guy some pussy.

I realize now that i'm talking about picking up girls that little fucker that wrote the book's age (by my twilight comment), and now i'm going to jail.

TylerDurden
12-03-2008, 03:18 AM
There is an increasing plethora of sluts on the horizon... either tell them that you like Twilight too or that their clothes fucking suck. I'm surprised at how much playing out the piece of shit/asshole role can get a guy some pussy.

I realize now that i'm talking about picking up girls that little fucker that wrote the book's age (by my twilight comment), and now i'm going to jail.

this joke gets better from here, right?

IdiotBrain
12-03-2008, 05:04 AM
97% of women are either fat, stupid, or crazy. That should be a whole chapter in the book.



^^^^^

This is why I beat hookers.

taters
12-03-2008, 03:13 PM
I came across this editorial randomly and thought of this thread. Hilarious. Check out the commentary on the bottom. I think weve found long lost Crash.

http://blogs.news.com.au/news/splat/index.php/news/comments/so_having_sex_with_a_hooker_is_cheaper_than_a_date/

Da Raider
12-03-2008, 03:17 PM
I only need one book to teach me how to pick up chicks.

http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/2008/07/08-15/everyonepoops.jpg

I had no idea that apples pooped.

BSM
12-03-2008, 03:35 PM
It's Barney Stinson's love child

hatepoppy
12-03-2008, 03:37 PM
I had no idea that apples pooped.
looks to me like it was the horse that shat the apple, and the apple that shat the duck, and the angryface has to eat the duck.

Bizz
12-03-2008, 05:33 PM
Me : What's twelve inches and white?
Her : I dunno
Me : Nothing The hollywood rail of cocaine I have back at my place.

Fixenated.