Action Hero Battle Royale

[Pox]

Like the comic book battle royale thread, only with characters from your favorite action movies. Give an explaination for the person's before you, and propose a new one at the end of your post.

I'll start:

"Dutch" Schaefer (predator) vs. John McCLane (Die Hard)

[IdiotBrain]

"Dutch" would run directly at John McClane while covered in mud, screaming unintelligibly the whole while and firing blindly.

John McClane would glower, hide behind something far too thin to stop any bullet, jump out and break Dutches neck, looking annoyed and put upon the whole time. All while barefoot.


Dallas (Dallas 362) vs. Chuckie SUllivan (Good Will Hunting)

[The GWD]

Good Will Hunting, Action Hero?! Okay. I envision Chuckie Sullivan getting into a fight and then keeps dumbly looking to his left for intellectual support from his best friend, Will Hunting. By the time the idea rolls around in Chuckie's brain that Will is gone, Dallas will have pulled out his gun and blown Chuckie's retarded brains out.

Norman "Stan" Stansfield(The Professional) Vs. Frank Costello (The Departed)

[bixby]

Stansfield, no contest. They'd get into a short debate about Beethoven, then Stansfield would blow Costello's head off with a shotgun.

Simon Phoenix (Demolition Man)
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vs

Peter McCabe (Desperate Measures)
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[The GWD]

That's a good battle. Several similarities between the two, but I see Phoenix taking it. For one reason I think only John Spartan can take out Phoenix, and secondly I think it would turn into a shootout and Simon Phoenix has laser guns from the future and he's genetically enhanced to access all that shit. And shit.

Marv (Sin City) Vs. Leonidas (300)

[bixby]

Both are pretty resilient characters, to say the least. I'd say Leonidas takes the win in the end, based off that fight scene with the giant ogre in 300. Marv wouldn't go down easy, but Leonidas is a warrior, and would probably think a few steps ahead of him during a fight.

Riddick
http://i34.tinypic.com/6i5u7c.jpg

vs

Mad Max
http://i31.tinypic.com/8wblzl.jpg

[El Torpedo]

Riddick, Mad max is way sweeter but in an actual fight I wouldn't see him taking down Riddick who fights monsters and shit instead of just leather wearing gangs.

Han Solo Vs. Ash

[the creeps]

ash with the boom stick. and it won't matter who shot first.

jack bauer vs frank castle.

[Archetype]

Castle. Bauer's awesome and all, but he's more of a "take down an entire terrorist organization with the help of some techies and awesome ninja stealth" good, while Castle's "take down the entire country of Vietnam with homemade nuclear machine guns" good.

Mutt Williams (Indiana Jones 4) vs. Matt Ferrell (Die Hard 4)

[The GWD]

Mutt Williams, as much as I hate to admit it. Matt Ferrell was just kind of a computer geek who would be up shit creek without McClane. At least Mutt could fence...while on a moving car...even while standing between two moving cars. And he might pull out his switchblade and pwn Matt who's desperately trying to log onto a website about dealing with hostile situations.

Jason Bourne (The Bourne Trilogy) Vs. Ethan Hunt (Mission Impossible Trilogy)

[Bastard]

Bourne might have trouble at first since Ethan is so small that he could evade him for awhile. Once Bourne found him though, Bourne would strangle him with a cable and then beat him like a piñata at a mexican kid’s birthday party.

Jean Claude Van Damme vs. a skinny pre-hippie Steven Seagal.

[Will-Kill]

Seagal, he tends to snap bones and joints...Van Damme tends to get smacked around time to time.

Rambo vs 80's Chuck Norris (his action movies tend to be the same character)

[Bastard]

A painful brutal fight as they start off by forcing each other to watch their worst movies. Then Norris delivers a million roundhouse kicks and spinning back fists until the rocky theme music is played and then Stallone chops off Norris’s head with a Rambo knife.

Jet Li vs. Jackie Chan

[The GWD]

In a real fight I see Jet Li being very confused as to why everything is moving so fast, oh yeah because there's no special effects to make him badass. In the meantime Jackie Chan has been jumping around on various objects in the room making them unlikely weapons and beating Jet Li's ass.

Mr. Blonde (Reservoir Dogs) Vs. Tommy DeVito (Goodfellas)

[the creeps]

tommy walks away with the win. blonde is just as crazy as tommy, but tommy can snap at the drop of hat, whereas blonde has to build up to his craziness.

apollo creed vs alex grady (eric roberts in best of the best)

[Bastard]

Alex would win because of his superior martial arts training. Creed would try to showboat while Alex would just rip his heart out and then show it to him.


Tango and Cash vs. Martin Riggs and Roger Murtaugh

[VoxAngelikus]

Tango and Cash.

Martin Riggs' inherent insanity is enough for two, but it cannot overcome the fact that Roger Murtaugh is simply getting too old for this shit.


T-1000 (Robert Patrick in 'T2') v. Agent Smith (The Matrix)

[Night Hawk]

T-1000.

At least the T-1000 got beat one on one by Arnold. Fuckin Smith lost with 1,000,000 vs Keanu?

Katsumoto (Last Samurai) vs Buford Pusser (Walking Tall 1973)

[Archetype]

Katsumoto. He killed ninjas. Ninjas. Redneck moonshiners just don't compare.

Selene (Underworld) vs. Alice (Resident Evil)

[Will-Kill]

Alice has Powers, (telekinetic) unless Selene sneaks up on her, shes going to be bleeding from every hole.....thats hot!


Robocop vs Terminator (Ahanold)

[The GWD]

I see Robocop walking away with this one. Especially if he has that jet pack from the third movie. Arnold always goes down, Robocop can't die.

Anton Chigurgh (No Country For Old Men) Vs. "The Duke" (Boondock Saints)

[VoxAngelikus]

Anton Chigurh. While the car crash at the end of "No Country" showed that he is as susceptible to the mechanics of fate as his victims, the rest of the story showed that he is highly intelligent, ruthless, cold-blooded and very unlikely to let you live should you cross his path.

Max Cady (Robert Micthum, "Cape Fear", 1962) v. Max Cady (Robert DeNiro, "Cape Fear" 1991)

[The GWD]

While I probably like Mitchum's Cady better, I'd have to go with DeNiro. Mitchum's big climax was a fistfight with Gregory Peck on the river's bank, DeNiro had Nick Nolte's entire family held hostage on a ship burning himself with flares for absolutely no fucking reason. You really felt that Deniro went full crazy for that role.

Travis Bickle (Taxi Driver) Vs. Jake Lamotta (Raging Bull)

[Archetype]

Bah, Travis would pump himself up for the fight for weeks and then try and run when they actually fought. Unless of course there was some sweet child prostitutes at stake.

Cale Tucker (Titan AE) vs. [Good] Will Hunting

[Bastard]

Will would just memorize some different fighting manuals and then unleash his rage upon Cale. After brutally beating Cale, Will would make a witty remark about apples.

Tyler Durden (Fight Club) vs. Patrick Bateman (American Psycho)

[ksul]

Though both characters are confused about whether they're actually real/actually psychotic, Patrick gets the upper hand once he puts on Huey Lewis and News' masterpiece "Fore," and takes an ax to Tyler's head.

Bodhi (Point Break) vs. Dalton (Road House)

[Night Hawk]

Bodhi. He proved that he can alter reality and free fall as long as he needs to to get his point across to his foe! Dalton would have had to get all his bouncer buddies to help him while he sat in the back thinking about philosophy.

Lt. John W. Dunbar (Kevin Costner* Dances With Wolves) vs Lt. Nathan Algren (Tom Cruise* Last Samurai)

[Dazmguk]

I would have to go Lt. Nathan Algren, who would go all No mind on Costners ass!

Martin Blank (John Cusack, Grosse Point Blank) vs Cleve (James Woods, Bestseller)

[Archetype]

James Woods is always a badass, but the unexpected balls of Blank, and his extreme quick thinking gives me the impression he would have no problem taking down Robocop, the T1000, and the gopher that Akroyd couldn't touch in Caddyshack II, all while simultaneously destroying every Caddyshack II reel.


Jef Costello (Le Samourai) vs. Leon

[Ace Rockola]

Leon. He's more sneaky. It took EVERYONE!! in the police department to make a decent attempt to catch him, and they still couldn't do it. Even after Stansfield had a clean shot to his back, Leon still took Stansfield out. He couldn't die without taking his mark out.

The thing from The Thing vs. The alien from Alien

[Archetype]

What did The Thing even do? I'm pretty sure the Gremlins could take it down, nevermind something as awesome as Alien.

Joe Sarno (Way of the Gun) vs. Sonny Corleone

[Bastard]

Joe would take the victory. Sonny is far too hotheaded and would just fall into a trap where he is riddled with bullets.

Peter McCabe (Desperate Measures) vs. Hannibal Lecter (Hannibal)

[Nature's Folly]

IT's Hannibal Lecter for fucks sake! Ok ok i will admit that McCabe would use guns or just about anything at his disposal to make a kill, but its hannibal...the guy who killed a man without ever letting his pulse reach over a certain amount. That takes way more skill than making a blowtorch outta a air tank in an operation room. And hannibal got away time and time again. He ate a guys brain while the guy was still alive. He'd kill McCabe and eeat his liver right when McCabe thought he had the upper hand. Bottomline Hannibal was the best mindfuck out there.

Jack Burton vs. Chic Chillios (The guy from Crank)

[Bastard]

Jack Burton would win because when it comes down to it, It’s all in the reflexes.

Richard B. Riddick (Pitch Black) vs. Simon Phoenix (Demolition Man)

[The GWD]

An otherworldly killing machine vs. a cryogenically-frozen-combat enhanced killing machine. As much as I hate to say it, Riddick would pwn the fuck out of Phoenix. Simon's more charismatic, but Riddick is a just a deadly and efficient killer. Also, Phoenix needed help from other frozen prisoners, Riddick prefers working alone.

Mickey and Mallory Knox(Natural Born Killers) Vs. Connor and Murphy McManus(Boondock Saints)

[Will-Kill]

Crazy will always get you that edge in a fight...the other guys seem not able to handle their crazyness.

Best Wheelman/Car Driver

Dominic Toretto ( Fast and Furious) vs Frank Martin (The Transporter)

[Archetype]

Dom can suck on my shriveled macaroons. He's big, but there's no hint that he really knows how to fight, certainly not in a bunch of oil. Martin would spank him and fuck his grandma. Unless, of course, this were some kind of car fight....Frank would still win. There's really no stunt too ridiculous for Frank.

Benoit (Man Bites Dog) vs. Cody Jarrett (White Heat)