The Work Thread

[BIG PIZZLE]

Let's bitch about our work problems!

My ghetto ass secretary has an equally ghetto ass daughter that is "sick" like once a week, so she leaves work to take care of her kid. She has a fucking husband who is unemployed and she never makes up her time. What the fuck stupid bitch hows about you stop feeding your 2 year old girl shit and maybe give it a bath once in a while so that little fucker can take a dump and doesnt puke all the time. Or better yet, GO SEE A FUCKING DOCTOR. Or even better yet, HAVE YOUR DEADBEAT HUSBAND TAKE SOME FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY. My work should not have to suffer because you are too ghetto to handle your daughter. Also, coincidentally it was her birthday yesterday. I bet this bitch is at home right now, in flip-flops eating left over cake and watching Oprah.

[hatepoppy]

fuck a secretary beesnatch.

[BIG PIZZLE]

I'm so pissed right now.

[hatepoppy]

just sit there and thinkabout how much you look like theimpossibleman. should get some chulkes outtaya, amirite?

[BIG PIZZLE]

That's just going to make me horny.

[hatepoppy]

That's just going to make me horny.
send her a fedex envelope full of shit!

[BIG PIZZLE]

How the fuck am I supposed to send a fedex when my fucking secretary is not at work?

[ShitBreak]

I'm pissed that I made too much money and am now in a higher tax bracket...therefore I'm barely getting shit back for my taxes.

[Claydon]

You are sounding downright republican there pizzle.

personal responsibility, calling someone ghetto ass......and all

[hatepoppy]

How the fuck am I supposed to send a fedex when my fucking secretary is not at work?
fuck the fedex, just shit in her top desk drawer, and cover it up with whatever pencilry it had in it.

[Archetype]

I'm pissed that I made too much money and am now in a higher tax bracket...therefore I'm barely getting shit back for my taxes.
Don't taxes in the US work like they do in the Canadas where it's all compound brackets and shit?

[ShitBreak]

No clue. I just know I got over 1500 bucks back last year....this year, I made a little over 10k more, and I only get 900 bucks back.

[Archetype]

That doesn't seem right. Up here, you make more, you get more back. Not percent wise, but you still automatically get more back.

[BIG PIZZLE]

fuck the fedex, just shit in her top desk drawer, and cover it up with whatever pencilry it had in it.

I'd probably be doing her a favor if I shit in her desk.

[BIG PIZZLE]

That doesn't seem right. Up here, you make more, you get more back. Not percent wise, but you still automatically get more back.

You dont know what the fuck you are talking about.

[BIG PIZZLE]

You are sounding downright republican there pizzle.

personal responsibility, calling someone ghetto ass......and all

I really dont see myself as republican or democrat. I do take positions on issues but I dont suck a party's cock. My position on this issue is simple. DONT have a baby with a convicted felon and DONT neglect your baby to the point where it is sick all the time and DONT use your ghetto ass baby as an excuese to fuck up MY money. I have had some pretty serious personal tragedies in the last few years but I am responsible enough not to let it get in the way of my work.

[Archetype]

You dont know what the fuck you are talking about.
How much does your net income from the previous year play into how much your paychecks get taxed?

[BIG PIZZLE]

You get taxed on your current income, not your previous income. Have you ever filed taxes?

[Archetype]

I know that, but the automatic amount that gets pulled every time you get paid, how do they figure that out?

[Hanover Fist]

How fucked up is it that since I got laid off and qualified for all sorts of government programs that I find it easier to get by paying bills, getting groceries and have better insurance coverage.
I may ride out this recession on unemployment, I can get at least 1 extension and not have to work til like next February. We spent $420 at the grocery store this weekend and will have another $698 put on our bridge card Feb 4th. Any money we don't spend carries over to the next month. We went crazy and bought tuna steaks, stacks of bacon, all sorts of fresh produce and blocks and blocks of cheese.
I can seriously see how the government makes people dependent on it, I have absolutely no incentive to look for a job right now.

To be fair I have been applying for jobs, but there really isn't anything within an hour of me that is hiring.
I will most likely be employed for 5-10 weeks this year for the census, but other than that I'm content to just suck the government teet.

Not including the insurance, I would have to get a job making over $17/hr to match the assistance I can get for not having a job. The average wages around here for my line of work is about $13-15/hr.

[BIG PIZZLE]

I know that, but the automatic amount that gets pulled every time you get paid, how do they figure that out?

Your witholdings? I believe that depends on your employer, they calculate it. You can also adjust your witholdings to lower the amount your employer gives to the govt. The only problem with that is if you adjust your witholdings too low, you will have to pay during tax time. But even if your witholdings are somehow based on your previous year's income, and you get a raise (which is what you seem to be getting at) there is no way a higher income equates to a higher tax return. You would end up owing more to the government. Thus, I reiterate: YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.

[Archetype]

Your witholdings? I believe that depends on your employer, they calculate it. You can also adjust your witholdings to lower the amount your employer gives to the govt. The only problem with that is if you adjust your witholdings too low, you will have to pay during tax time. But even if it is based on your previous year's income, and you get a raise (which is what you seem to be getting at) there is no way a higher income equates to a higher tax return. Thus, I reiterate: YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.
Actually, that's what I was getting at. It would make sense to get less money back if that was the case.

[BIG PIZZLE]

Then wtf?

That doesn't seem right. Up here, you make more, you get more back. Not percent wise, but you still automatically get more back.

[TylerDurden]

Your witholdings? I believe that depends on your employer, they calculate it. You can also adjust your witholdings to lower the amount your employer gives to the govt. The only problem with that is if you adjust your witholdings too low, you will have to pay during tax time. But even if your witholdings are somehow based on your previous year's income, and you get a raise (which is what you seem to be getting at) there is no way a higher income equates to a higher tax return. You would end up owing more to the government. Thus, I reiterate: YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.

truth.

[TylerDurden]

Actually, that's what I was getting at. It would make sense to get less money back if that was the case.

goddamn canadians...

[Archetype]

Then wtf?
I thought about it, and my previous comment was stupid.

[BIG PIZZLE]

All your previous comments have been stupid.

[Bill Paxton]

We have new releases of our online software every 6 to 8 weeks. We have two products so the releases are generally back to back for the two products. Everytime we have a release we get bombarded with bugs and issues for like the next 6 weeks or so. Once that all settles down we have another release to get ready for. For what seems like ever everyone that works on the front lines at my company has been suggesting that we have less releases or at least combine them and have them less often but nothing ever changes.

Such a dang pain in the ass. Granted the bugs/issues are why i have a job but it would be nice if i didn't have to work over 50 hours a week.

[Face]

I'm quite happy in my job these days

[Nature's Folly]

You drive a bus, a retarded monkey would be happy with that job.

Started my new job today...why does every place make it seem like you will hate working there on day one?

[ElemenoP]

How the fuck am I supposed to send a fedex when my fucking secretary is not at work?
But she said that you were the best person she's ever worked for!

[janois]

I love my job but I hate my boss. I hate working for someone who knows jack shit about what I do. I work telecom and about 4 companies in Detroit have been "joined" in the past 18 months. His previous company did nothing but T1s and fiber along the railroad. I've always worked Sonet rings (up to OC192) and listening him trying to tell me how shit runs makes me want to stab him in the neck.

[BIG PIZZLE]

But she said that you were the best person she's ever worked for!

Words are worthless cuz they're free.

[janois]

Words are worthless cuz they're free.
QFT

[Mustard]

Pizz man, you know you could just... terminate her, right?

In this economy, I bet you could find a much more, uh, employable employee.

[mongo]

i worked for abercrombie one summer. it sucked. i had to deal w/ and work w/ hot snobby chicks all day. sometimes they would even make me buy them booze, get them drunk, and then fuck them. god i hated that job.

[Face]

i worked for abercrombie one summer. it sucked. i had to deal w/ and work w/ hot snobby chicks all day. sometimes they would even make me buy them booze, get them drunk, and then fuck them. god i hated that job.
oh how tragic, you poor thing

[Mustard]

i worked for abercrombie one summer. it sucked. i had to deal w/ and work w/ hot snobby chicks all day. sometimes they would even make me buy them booze, get them drunk, and then fuck them. god i hated that job.
I would hate having to work with snobbish women.

[Tromboner]

i work for circuit city...so i'll be getting laid off in the next few goddamn months

[JustinCase424]

I work at this damn telemarketing place part-time. It is just as big of a scam as all of those other scams out there. I tell people if they go to a timeshare they will get 2 round trip airfare and a 3 day 2 night stay at a Marriott. They don't have to buy or sign up for anything. I am starting to feel like shit because I secretly know that it will be 90 minutes of high pressure hell for them and that the tickets are so hard to book with and that they get hit with all of these random fees. I am sending hundreds and hundreds of people to this. It is great money for a part time job while I am in college, but I can't stand constantly screwing people over. Not to mention 75% of the people that work at this place have had to stay in jail or a mental institute.

[Tar Heel]

Wow. Your job sucks. I fuck with dudes like you all the time. The last time share guy I talked to told me to 'fuck off" and hung up on me.

I made him repeat the main part of his pitch like 20 times. I kept saying "Wait I don't understand. Can you explain that to me again."
"Which part?" he would say.

my reply: "All of it".

He was so pissed by the end.

[Satan]

The only thing I really hate about my job is the crazy ass hours they expect me to put in. Really cuts into my GMF time

[BIG PIZZLE]

I like to tell telemarketers that I'm blind and then get all depressing on them.

[The Batman]

I'm so pissed right now.

Why not fire her? There are tons of over qualified people looking for work right now.

[BIG PIZZLE]

Because 1) she's really good at what she does (when she's at work), she's probably the the top 5 in the office 2) I am not allowed to fire people, the most I can ask is that they give me someone else 3) She would just end up working for someone else in the office and make my life miserable 4) I recall ignoring a similar comment yesterday.

[Claibo]

Because 1) she's really good at what she does (when she's at work), she's probably the the top 5 in the office 2) I am not allowed to fire people, the most I can ask is that they give me someone else 3) She would just end up working for someone else in the office and make my life miserable.

sounds like the shit hole that I work in...

[Da Raider]

Let's bitch about our work problems!

My ghetto ass secretary has an equally ghetto ass daughter that is "sick" like once a week, so she leaves work to take care of her kid. She has a fucking husband who is unemployed and she never makes up her time. What the fuck stupid bitch hows about you stop feeding your 2 year old girl shit and maybe give it a bath once in a while so that little fucker can take a dump and doesnt puke all the time. Or better yet, GO SEE A FUCKING DOCTOR. Or even better yet, HAVE YOUR DEADBEAT HUSBAND TAKE SOME FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY. My work should not have to suffer because you are too ghetto to handle your daughter. Also, coincidentally it was her birthday yesterday. I bet this bitch is at home right now, in flip-flops eating left over cake and watching Oprah.

i have a great idea...fire her. In today's shitty economy, I'm sure there are plenty of better looking women out there willing to be your secretary and put up with your bs and maybe even your sexual advances. And without giving you lip or not showing up for work. Fire the bitch! California is an at will state anyway...

so...obviously, I didn't read the entire thread.

[Satan]

Pizz, use your super astronaut powers to make her stop doing that shit.

[hatepoppy]

fuck that, just cut her face.

[BIG PIZZLE]

Pizz, use your super astronaut powers to make her stop doing that shit.

I dont have super powers. I am just better than most of you.

[BIG PIZZLE]

So my secretary is "sick" today. It must be nice to have a 3 day week.

[ElemenoP]

I think she needs a raise.

[Thewellz]

I've had people that work with me pull that shit, they got fired after the 3rd time calling in sick.

[BIG PIZZLE]

I talked to my boss about it yesterday. She's too valuable. She's really good and it would take 2 people to replace her. Our office manager is going to put some pressure on her. He told me that people who usually take days at the beginning and end of the week off are alcoholics. And then about an hour later he cam into my office and started yelling at me.

[JT]

Did you tune it out to where he sounded like Charlie Brown's mom? I space off when my boss talks to me. Half the time I have no idea what he was talking about. I just BS my way through my job anymore. They can suck on mah dick.

[BIG PIZZLE]

He was about a foot away from my face and yelling. I really had no escape.

[JT]

Damn, why didn't you hit him? Fuck any man who thinks he can pop up and just yell in your face like he owns you. I never understood that shit. I know, money is needed, but damn fuck all of that.

[nuclearjew]

Did you tune it out to where he sounded like Charlie Brown's mom? I space off when my boss talks to me. Half the time I have no idea what he was talking about.
I thought this is how you converse with everyone you know?

[BIG PIZZLE]

Damn, why didn't you hit him? Fuck any man who thinks he can pop up and just yell in your face like he owns you. I never understood that shit. I know, money is needed, but damn fuck all of that.

He owns me.

[Claydon]

it is raining, it is cold, i don't want to be at work.

[nuclearjew]

it is raining, it is cold, i don't want to be at work.
Use this to dry off:

http://img.alibaba.com/photo/50281545/Maxi_pad_Ultra_Dry_Sanitary_Napkin.jpg

[BIG PIZZLE]

I'm at work too YAY!!

[BIG PIZZLE]

I just made my secretary cry. I am quite pleased with myself.

[ShitBreak]

You sure talk about your secretary a lot.

[Claydon]

so, the business i work for is tearing itself apart because the 2 owners can't stop suing each other. So I may lose my job due to the stupidity of the owners and not due to the economy.

[BIG PIZZLE]

You sure talk about your secretary a lot.Well I cant talk about how much of a sloth and loser I am. That's kinda your thing.

[fastjohnnybuell]

Pizz, wtf do you do for a living?

[Rumpleforeskin]

Last week I swore at the owner of the company and cussed out the general manager. Today I got so pissed I threw a bottle at a fat female intern. I think my days might be numbered.

[Syndicate]

Until you fuckers get 3 jobs like me you have no right to bitch about anything.

[Rumpleforeskin]

True, you have 3x as many retards to get mad at.

[BIG PIZZLE]

Pizz, wtf do you do for a living?

I'm a doctor.

[Da Raider]

Until you fuckers get 3 jobs like me you have no right to bitch about anything.

how many hours per week are you toiling right now?

[Da Raider]

I'm a doctor.

i heard you were a doctor/lawyer/talent scout for playboy

[Rumpleforeskin]

I'm not sure what he does. All I know is that he glues his secretary's cornhole shut with his manspackle. And that is to be respected, or feared. Respected.

[Face]

Until you fuckers get 3 jobs like me you have no right to bitch about anything.
I don't bitch about my job anymore

at least, not like I used to

[Will-Kill]

Went on a Job Interview Today....don't think it went well, they wanted someone with more experince.

[BIG PIZZLE]

What kind of experience?

[Titus_Pullo]

To be a Double-O you need at least two confirmed kills.

[Da Raider]

so I'm hiring. Here's the specs:

*must give good phone
*must be IT savvy
*must be hawt
*must be female
*cannot be ThugQueen or Okie

[Rumpleforeskin]

This woman at work is getting canned tomorrow for being a general dumbass. I'm the only one who knows other than the fire-or due to my slick observational/eves dropping skills. She's kind of a friend of mine so I feel like I should warn her, but then again she's a dumbass.

[BIG PIZZLE]

If I was your boss and you eve's dropped on my convo, I would fire you.

[NOTKyle]

I was his boss, I would institute overall Fridays.

[Rumpleforeskin]

If I was your boss and you eve's dropped on my convo, I would fire you.

Too bad I'm indispensible.

[Da Raider]

Too bad I'm indispensible.

not in this economy. There's MBA's flipping burgers right now...

[Face]

the bus cleaners where I work are fucking assholes

[BIG PIZZLE]

So we got new computers and a new server. My keyboard sucks, my outlook looks like it was designed for a blind person because of all the big goofy buttons and shit, my screen fonts look all mashed together and my mouse feels like it's made of cardboard. I am not pleased.

[Face]

and yet somehow I'm the one who's known for bitching about his job?

[Limp]

Fat people bitch more.... YOU'RE BOTH GUILTY!

[Rumpleforeskin]

not in this economy. There's MBA's flipping burgers right now...


I work at a funeral home. We're recession-proof, baby! Besides, it's almost impossible to get fired where I work, unless you're the idiot they just canned. Now they're changing all the locks, alarm codes, ect. Seems a little overboard.

[Da Raider]

I work at a funeral home. We're recession-proof, baby! Besides, it's almost impossible to get fired where I work, unless you're the idiot they just canned. Now they're changing all the locks, alarm codes, ect. Seems a little overboard.

no, not even funeral homes are recession proof. I for one, have already requested that my remains be left on the side of the road for GMFers to shit and piss on.

[Limp]

Fuck a corpse during the funeral and see how long you have a job.

Tape it and make millions online.

[Da Raider]

millions of what? Turkish Lyra?

[merlin13]

There is bound to be more than one sick fuck, sitting in his parents' basement, surfing the web and paying a small fortune to watch that shit.

[Will-Kill]

What kind of experience?

3-5 years experince

I just about have a year.

[Pax Britannia]

3-5 years experince

I just about have a year.

Then lie.

[BIG PIZZLE]

3-5 years experince

I just about have a year.

Experience in what?

[Will-Kill]

Experience in what?

Composites

Then lie.



Not going to help when they check my sources/past work experince.

[NOTKyle]

I'm applying. (http://i.gizmodo.com/5154777/gizmodo-jobs-were-hiring-another-nyc-intern)

[Satan]

Saturday is my last day at this job...

[NOTKyle]

Promotion? Demotion? Death?

[Satan]

All of the above

[NOTKyle]

So you're getting a raise for a job with less responsibility that forces you to commit seppuku?

[Satan]

exactly

[Da Raider]

Had to fire someone last night.

[Claydon]

Had to fire someone last night.

what did they do?

[Da Raider]

what did they do?

exactly what I told them not to do, repeatedly.

[Satan]

So she didn't give you head? That fucking bitch.

[BIG PIZZLE]

I just got a pretty big raise but it's not as big as I wanted it to be.

[Killswitch]

Working in a grocery store is not my ideal fantasy for a job. I wish I could collect employment for the rest of my young life

[Jericho]

I just got a pretty big raise but it's not as big as I wanted it to be.
I thought you was on da shit list

[janois]

I just got a pretty big raise but it's not as big as I wanted it to be.


Congrats?

[Killswitch]

What's a raise? I work with a bunch of fucking cheap stakes.

[BIG PIZZLE]

I thought you was on da shit list

Things happen pretty quickly. It turns out that I was right so I got off that list. They owed me this raise from last year. I asked for a fair number and rather than give it to me, they nickle and dimed me. Next year I'm going to shoot high. They basically told me that they're freezing saleries across the board but I dont know if that's bullsht.

[Rumpleforeskin]

I had a job interview today. Now I don't know if I should take the job, even though I want it. Time to da-link (drink).

[Gary_Busey]

Does anybody work for the government or has anyone applied for a federal job? I did and I got an email that gave me a rating and I'm trying to figure out what the hell the rating means. It's 95.

[Piglet]

i used to work at schnuck's =)

[Gary_Busey]

Schnuck you, no one gives a schnuck where the schnuck you worked.

[Da Raider]

Well, so far I have no regrets with my new hire. She's smart, aggressive, a quick learner, and hawt as hell.

[BIG PIZZLE]

I'm pretty sure I ruined someone's life today.

[6655321]

^ i get that feeling every day.

[6655321]

work is also starting to annoy me, i do great work and bust my ass all day long. yet, i still keep getting pulled aside for meetings because of the other dumbasses in the kitchen. :mad: