Dirk Diggler's Relationship, Dating, & Advice Thread-Ruffdog fails

[Jack Bauer]

get them a few mini 360s for Christmas. more people for the halo tournament

[Muji]

i cant believe the bitch wouldnt give it up to you, since when did she get morals? maybe she should have learned how to keep her legs closed before she shit out a couple of kids

[Jack Bauer]

am i the only 25 year old who hasnt been married or had kids or in a long term relationship. fuck that. im out to get my hole before im forced to settle down

[Penguin Rick]

6o texts after one night? Jeez. I see a restraining order in your near future. And maybe some suicide watch for hers.

[Face]

am i the only 25 year old who hasnt been married or had kids or in a long term relationship. fuck that. im out to get my hole before im forced to settle down
*raises hand*

but in my case that can't be all that shocking

[ruffdog]

RUN RED RUN

[Jack Bauer]

6o texts after one night? Jeez. I see a restraining order in your near future. And maybe some suicide watch for hers.

did you reply?

aimed at red!

[Penguin Rick]

I hope he did.

[Jericho]

Can you blame her? It's Big Beard we're talkin bout!

[Jack Bauer]

his boob handling and finger bashing must be top notch..his hands and fingers are like machines..years of gaming can have its benefits. fuck you mom

[Rover]

I think I'm fucked. I did want some sort of relationship but I don't know for sure that I want one with her as I get the idea already this chick wants to move in. The thing is, she's 25, lives with her parents right now, and has 2 kids from a previous marriage that turned sour when he got abusive. Am I in need of a restraining order or is there an easy out to this that would allow us to remain physical without her thinking I'm husband #2?Easy way out? Sounds like she left husband #1 after some abuse. If you aren't willing to go the domestic violence route, I'd suggest ignoring her. If you ignore problems, they usually go away.

[Blitz]

Dear Dirk,

So, I made this post yesterday...

And sure enough, I took a young lady out to dinner, we came back to my place, watched a movie, and proceeded to the bedroom. No sex, but there was some cuddling, a lot of spit swapping, groping, etc. Afterwards, we talked and she made some comments to which I remained firmly vague with my responses. Today, I've gotten somewhere on the order of 60 texts and several calls from this chick - all along the lines of, "I miss you, when can I see you again?", "It felt so right", and you get the idea.

I think I'm fucked. I did want some sort of relationship but I don't know for sure that I want one with her as I get the idea already this chick wants to move in. The thing is, she's 25, lives with her parents right now, and has 2 kids from a previous marriage that turned sour when he got abusive. Am I in need of a restraining order or is there an easy out to this that would allow us to remain physical without her thinking I'm husband #2?

Regards,

Fire Crotch
60 texts? That's insane. I might send 60 texts if you tossed my salad, but just groping and sucky face? Madness.

Seriously, she sounds very needy and I would be backing the fuck out of that situation on the ASAP.

[RedBEARD]

*raises hand*

but in my case that can't be all that shocking*points at giant fucking wall of mobile suits on display in Face's living room*

RUN RED RUNSHE ALREADY KNOWS WHERE I LIVE. :(

did you reply?

aimed at red!I sent back 3; 1 to tell her I was busy at work, another to tell her I was still busy at work, and 1 to ask her if the movies she left at my house were rentals or actually hers.

Can you blame her? It's Big Beard we're talkin bout!After she left last night and I considered where I got on the first date, I was trying to figure out if I'm that interesting or if she's that loose. Not that I have a problem with either of those being true, mind you.

his boob handling and finger bashing must be top notch..his hands and fingers are like machines..years of gaming can have its benefits. fuck you momHand-eye coordination is tits. The kiss-tit rub-ass grab combo is key, but I like to involve legs somewhat as well. I kind of wrap one of my legs around one theirs, so that I almost have a grip on it with my leg, and start to "divide & conquer" the middle ground. It's the Royce Gracie love making technique.

[Jericho]

That was a first date?!?!? Welcome to fuckedville, population you, bro

[Jack Bauer]

Hand-eye coordination is tits. The kiss-tit rub-ass grab combo is key, but I like to involve legs somewhat as well. I kind of wrap one of my legs around one theirs, so that I almost have a grip on it with my leg, and start to "divide & conquer" the middle ground. It's the Royce Gracie love making technique.

http://www.duelinganalogs.com/comics/2007-03-21.png

[RedBEARD]

I think she was backed up. She said I was the first person she'd done ANYTHING with since her divorce.

[Archangel]

So handling titties like a Dualshock 3 is good?


News to me.

[RedBEARD]

So handling titties like a Dualshock 3 is good?


News to me.Fucking FAIL. I handle them like one of these.

http://playstation3.files.wordpress.com/2005/10/xbox360controller.jpg

[Jericho]

What an awful D-pad

[Jack Bauer]

thats how a real man treats the puppies..fuck your sony gay stick

[Jack Bauer]

I think she was backed up. She said I was the first person she'd done ANYTHING with since her divorce.

did she unleash the beast..im sure if you take it slow and she kinda catches on that your not rushing into things she may take it slow. make it clear. if she still goes a bit nuts on it. change your name, shave the beard and move in with goat

[Archangel]

Fucking FAIL. I handle them like one of these.

http://playstation3.files.wordpress.com/2005/10/xbox360controller.jpg

Typical XBoxers. You expect titties to be assymetrical.

Listen, if her left nipple is halfway up higher than her right, run away.

[RedBEARD]

What an awful D-padErgonomics are sexy.

[Jack Bauer]

http://ec-deal.com/ebay/ps3/ps3_controller.jpg

they havent changed the shit since the ps1. time to get a new controller. even then i'd rather have my hands on some wonky tits that felt good than some that felt like they were designed in the late 90s..oh yeah

[Archangel]

Why? They haven't changed Monica Bellucci's tits either, during the same time frame.

[Jericho]

Why would they change it. It's awesome

[Jack Bauer]

thats bound to be lies

[Archangel]

To J: Exactly. Don't fuck with perfection, is what I'm trying to say.

[Jack Bauer]

im a 360 fanboy after being a sony man for years but i find the ps3 controller too small for my manly hands. personally i like the 360 controller.

[RedBEARD]

Why? They haven't changed Monica Bellucci's tits either, during the same time frame.That would be a bit like some random retard painting a pet cat onto the Mona Lisa because he thought it would help, quite frankly.

im a 360 fanboy after being a sony man for years but i find the ps3 controller too small for my manly hands. personally i like the 360 controller.I <3'd that huge original XBOX controller. That thing was like holding a dinner plate, it was so huge, but it worked because I have big hands.

[Philip Lombard]

i came here to discuss video game controllers!

[Jack Bauer]

so what red is saying is fags love the ps3 controller because they have small ass girly hands

[Philip Lombard]

and what's the deal with that gamecube controller

[RedBEARD]

so what red is saying is fags love the ps3 controller because they have small ass girly handsArch and his danty little Euro-AZN lady fingers, I can see, but Jericho's in the land of giants - he'd look really weird with little rat claws.

[Jericho]

I too, dug that original huge Box controller

[Philip Lombard]

I too, dug that original huge Box controller
agreed

[RedBEARD]

Fucking shit, she just called me again.

[Gary_Busey]

Have you told her that you're not looking for anything serious, or even a girlfriend really? Because that's where I'd start.

[Kopek]

Have you told her that you're not looking for anything serious, or even a girlfriend really? Because that's where I'd start.

You know --- the grown up thing to do.

[Philip Lombard]

honesty is the best policy

[Jack Bauer]

he probably told her he couldnt talk as he was in the middle of sniping a guy in overgrown

[Jack Bauer]

honesty is the best policy

tell her you dont did chicks with kids. if she drowns the fuckers then you know shes a crazy cunt

[Kopek]

You're not gay if you tell the girl to ease up on her full court press. Either explain that you're not looking to be daddy day care or cut her loose.

[RedBEARD]

I'm going to ignore her for a day or so - I know people with guns who can use them legally, I think it'll be okay.

[Titus_Pullo]

A red headed step-Dad, for a change.

[PWalk]

I have a buddy in a very similar situation and I'll tell you what I told him.

Picture the kid(s) busting in while you try to get your nut and you can't punish them for it as their not yours.

[RedBEARD]

I have a buddy in a very similar situation and I'll tell you what I told him.

Picture the kid(s) busting in while you try to get your nut and you can't punish them for it as their not yours.That's actually brilliant - I shouldn't be surprised, coming from you.

[Le Goat]

haha at red getting scared of some chick...


If you want to get a girl to never call you again, be really, REALLY shitty in bed. I'm talking nut and treat her like shit. Or you can treat her like shit during sex (gag her, stick ur dick places she dont want, etc...) that'll teach her.

[Philip Lombard]

If you want to get a girl to never call you again, be really, REALLY shitty in bed.
listen to the voice of experience

[RedBEARD]

haha at red getting scared of some chick...I haven't quite gotten to the point of being willing to engage in domestic violence - not yet, anyway.

[Le Goat]

I haven't quite gotten to the point of being willing to engage in domestic violence - not yet, anyway.

Let yourself go. It's one hell of an orgasmic experience. Never hit the face though, too easily seen by her co-workers. Always go for tits or cunt punches

[Philip Lombard]

fill a sock with oranges

[Le Goat]

10lb magnet in a sock

[Blitz]

It's getting hot in here.

[RedBEARD]

It's getting hot in here.Well, yeah, now that you're here.

[Le Goat]

It's getting hot in here.

Indeed. I'm in the mood to punch a sexy, horned up woman.

[Le Goat]

http://www.baseball-bats.net/assets/templates/bats/images/super-training-swingsock.jpg

holy shit, i havent seen one of those in ages.

[Gary_Busey]

The poor ass rec ball league I played in when I was younger didn't have those, we had to hold two bats together.

[Le Goat]

We just used the PVC pipe looking weight... it worked wonders on Composite, Wood and Metal.

[Blitz]

10lb magnet in a sock

Throw some hair pulling into the mix and there is a good chance I will learn my lesson or at least orgasm.

[Le Goat]

Throw some hair pulling into the mix and there is a good chance I will learn my lesson or at least orgasm.

Hair Pulling? Bitch you'll look like an 80yo cancer patient by the time I'm done with you

[Philip Lombard]

The poor ass rec ball league I played in when I was younger didn't have those, we had to hold two bats together.
donuts!

[Le Goat]

donuts!

Maybe when you're 8...

[Face]

so I've just started seeing this girl, we've gone out a couple times and we've already slept together... we were out last night, when her mom called her and told her that her favourite cousin killed himself... the funeral is sometime next week and she wants me to go with her. We've known each other for all of 12 days, I've never met her cousin or her other family, I'm a little weirded out

how should I proceed?

[RedBEARD]

Quit stealing my thunder, Sammy.

[Philip Lombard]

kill your favorite cousin and go to that funeral instead

[Face]

Quit stealing my thunder, Sammy.
no

[Face]

kill your favorite cousin and go to that funeral instead
I don't have a favourite cousin

[Blitz]

so I've just started seeing this girl, we've gone out a couple times and we've already slept together... we were out last night, when her mom called her and told her that her favourite cousin killed himself... the funeral is sometime next week and she wants me to go with her. We've known each other for all of 12 days, I've never met her cousin or her other family, I'm a little weirded out

how should I proceed?

It may be awkward for you to attend the funeral, but if you are really into this girl, it might be worth it to give her some support.

[Face]

Go. Grief sex is teh best.
yeah I've seen Wedding Crashers... I just think its weird that she'd ask me so soon, not to mention its an odd occasion to meet her family, what's she gonna say when she introduces me to her mother 'hi mom, this is sam, he's a guy I met at a bar, then tracked down through a mutual friend and came on really strongly to, and is now satisfying me sexually every time we meet'

kinda awkward

[Penguin Rick]

If she introduces you as anything more than a friend to her family, given the circumstances, it's a warning sign.

But go, show you have a heart. It'll only help you get in the sack quicker.

[Philip Lombard]

have a funny suicide anecdote ready

[Jericho]

yeah I've seen Wedding Crashers... I just think its weird that she'd ask me so soon, not to mention its an odd occasion to meet her family, what's she gonna say when she introduces me to her mother 'hi mom, this is sam, he's a guy I met at a bar, then tracked down through a mutual friend and came on really strongly to, and is now satisfying me sexually every time we meet'

kinda awkward
Satisfying? Let's not get carried away, here

[Philip Lombard]

he let her have one of his snicker's bars afterwards

[esrever]

ok mr. diggler,

sorry for the bad punctuation and and grammar. But, i have a little bit of a dilemma and have just come home empty handed for said fact. I am currently trying to choose between 3 girls. One from work, that i really like, one from where i grew up which could present problems as we share much of the same friends, and one that i defaulted to because i was going for her "best friend," but ended up with her.... So, i'm asking for your supreme and unfalable(sp) knowledge. Point me in the right erection... diggler

[Blitz]

First off, it sounds like you don't really care to be with the one you ended up with by default, so get rid of her. Easy peasy.

Onto the next, you state that you really like the one from work. You mentioned her first so most likely you are into her the most. You should get into her. As for the one you grew up with, that could be a great thing, but you are worried about the problems that could arise from it due to the fact that you share the same friends. Well, problems could arise with the girl you work with as work relationships can be tricky.

Perhaps you should try them all out for size first, before making a decision. Naw'meen?

[Nature's Folly]

yeah I've seen Wedding Crashers... I just think its weird that she'd ask me so soon, not to mention its an odd occasion to meet her family, what's she gonna say when she introduces me to her mother 'hi mom, this is sam, he's a guy I met at a bar, then tracked down through a mutual friend and came on really strongly to, and is now satisfying me sexually every time we meet'

kinda awkward


I still firmly believe this so called "girl" is really a rough trick named bruce.

[Archangel]

I say "she" is called Char Aznable.


Face will get it.

[Jack Bauer]

lead them all on, until it all blows up your face..


thats what i would do

[Soup Nazi]

ok mr. diggler,

sorry for the bad punctuation and and grammar. But, i have a little bit of a dilemma and have just come home empty handed for said fact. I am currently trying to choose between 3 girls. One from work, that i really like, one from where i grew up which could present problems as we share much of the same friends, and one that i defaulted to because i was going for her "best friend," but ended up with her.... So, i'm asking for your supreme and unfalable(sp) knowledge. Point me in the right erection... diggler

Bauer is right. You want to plant a seed with each of these chicks, that way you have the highest % chance that you will be successful with one or more of them. Put most of your efforts towards the one you really "like", but still put effort into the other 2 as safety nets. Just like you would when applying for colleges.

[Penguin Rick]

That's a brilliant analogy.

[Jack Bauer]

i dont care what anyone says. if you have one or two girls interested. keep them all on. its not cheating..its called being smart

[Will-Kill]

All I can say is.

Hat Trick.

[RedBEARD]

So, to update my situation...I told the chick in question that I wasn't ready to get into a relationship that involves kids and the potential for me to become any sort of father figure, and she didn't necessarily flip out but she reacted about as I expected her to. She basically told me I was garbage for waiting until after we'd "been physical" (her words, not mine) for me to tell her that and that she felt like I'd taken advantage of her. I reminded her that she was the one who let me into her pants on date #1, and she went on a bit more but by that point I was removing myself from the conversation.

I'm going to stick to strippers for a while, I think.

[Philip Lombard]

you're better off

[Jack Bauer]

so you pretty much called her a whore. nice one

[RedBEARD]

you're better offI definitely think so. Like I said, I may want some young'ens eventually but not right now.

so you pretty much called her a whore. nice oneYeah, I really wasn't intending on doing that because I simply wanted to end the arrangement, but I'm not about to let some hoo'er get over on me in an argument when all I really did for coercion was take her to dinner and let her into my house.

[Jack Bauer]

she sounds like she wanted a new daddy. if she liked you then she wouldnt have rushed you and have understood your reluctance for that sort of thing. better off without her. sounds like all she cares about is herself

[RedBEARD]

she sounds like she wanted a new daddy. if she liked you then she wouldnt have rushed you and have understood your reluctance for that sort of thing. better off without her. sounds like all she cares about is herselfExactly. And in all honesty, she gave me one of the worst BJs I've ever had. I specifically asked for NO TEETH and she basically was chewing on my wang...Terrible.

[Banon]

So, to update my situation...I told the chick in question that I wasn't ready to get into a relationship that involves kids and the potential for me to become any sort of father figure, and she didn't necessarily flip out but she reacted about as I expected her to. She basically told me I was garbage for waiting until after we'd "been physical" (her words, not mine) for me to tell her that and that she felt like I'd taken advantage of her. I reminded her that she was the one who let me into her pants on date #1, and she went on a bit more but by that point I was removing myself from the conversation.

I'm going to stick to strippers for a while, I think.


I'd tell her everything she wants to hear, fuck her one last time while sticking anything and everything you could into her ass and once the wild sex is over tell her you love her which will be an easy way to leave the place the fucking has happened and then never speak to her again.

[ruffdog]

I'd tell her everything she wants to hear, fuck her one last time while sticking anything and everything you could into her ass and once the wild sex is over tell her you love her which will be an easy way to leave the place the fucking has happened and then never speak to her again.

exactly

[Banon]

James Banon 14:12

[RedBEARD]

WHERE WERE YOU LAST WEEK WHEN THAT COULD'VE BEEN USEFUL?!

[Banon]

Blame the hurricane called Gustav.

[RedBEARD]

Stupid commie storms.

[Philip Lombard]

I like Ike.

[Banon]

I like when Ike raped-fucked Tina in that sound studio.

[Poop Sailboat]

goddamnit why couldn't gustav have killed Bannonnnnnnn?

[The GWD]

I just realized that my girlfriend being horny turns me off nowadays. For some reason I'm only in the mood when she's tired and I convince her to let me penetrate her, despite her general dissatisfaction with the whole experience.

Why is this? I feel maybe it's partly due to a hard-on I have for myself and my exceptional negotiation skills.

[Bastard]

I had an ex-girlfriend with a rape fetish which was cool but she also had a split personality which made things difficult at times.

[Philip Lombard]

i think that counts as a threesome

[medlar]

Can you put trust in a girl (say in my age bracket, which is not known to make the best judgments or follow instructions at the best) to adhere to the contarceptive pill plan like its the fucking law? Can you not be thinking about this when you're trying to focus on getting some enjoyment without a condom on, without worrying anything will get fertilized? Is she saying that its all good to go ahead being that she has been on them for three months now? Will she dump me if insist on wearing a condom anyway?

When she casually told me this, it was like instant magic in my pants. I have to be careful though and count on her to be taking them twice a day. Does this thought get in anyone elses head or should I just jump in and enjoy worry free.

[6655321]

haven't you heard of pulling out?

[Penguin Rick]

Yea, if you rawdog, pull out son.

[medlar]

haven't you heard of pulling out?


You're not serious are you?

That method completely takes the whole experience into ridiculous proportions. The point is to not pull it out. That and I would fail at it.

[6655321]

i always rawdog it and i always pull out, regardless of birth control or not. just bust it in her eye. chicks dig that shit, man.

[medlar]

You sir, are a wealth of useful information.

Personally, I will never rely on pulling out. There's still going to be something getting up inside there.

Besides my massive wang

[medlar]

And there is the voice of reason.

Thank you, b/c that will justify my doubts.

[zillionaire]

Keep in mind that certain medications, like antibiotics, counteract the pill. And she only has to forget once for them not to work. But if you still want to wear a condom after she's told you that she's on the pill she'll prolly get offended. I don't know what to tell you, my friend. You should seriously practice pulling out.

[6655321]

You sir, are a wealth of useful information.

Personally, I will never rely on pulling out. There's still going to be something getting up inside there.

Besides my massive wang

i've had my share of close calls. just know thy penis and you shall be ok young one.

[medlar]

i've had my share of close calls. just know thy penis and you shall be ok young one.


My penis and I don't always see eye to eye.
It often takes over my thoughts. Even in my chemistry class.
I need to master it.

[6655321]

i know this chick that got preggers because she didn't take her birth control on a consistent enough basis. beewaaaare!!

[The Dude]

VVVVVV

[JohnQRotten]

Twice a day? What the hell kind of pills is she on? Well, you should first of all trust her. If she's a cool girl, then no worries especially the ones that actually might have a future. If she's clingy and annoying with no brains, then yes you should NOT trust her.

You should just enjoy yourself ...but keep a morning after pill in your back pocket to crush up in her orange juice the next morning. :p

[RedBEARD]

Can you put trust in a girl (say in my age bracket, which is not known to make the best judgments or follow instructions at the best) to adhere to the contarceptive pill plan like its the fucking law? Can you not be thinking about this when you're trying to focus on getting some enjoyment without a condom on, without worrying anything will get fertilized? Is she saying that its all good to go ahead being that she has been on them for three months now? Will she dump me if insist on wearing a condom anyway?

When she casually told me this, it was like instant magic in my pants. I have to be careful though and count on her to be taking them twice a day. Does this thought get in anyone elses head or should I just jump in and enjoy worry free.1) A chick can, conceivably, let you bust one inside her at certain points of the month without worrying about Medlar, Jr. sliding out of her 9 months later. If you don't want to bother with the condom, take it when you can and get blowjobs when you can't.

2) Seriously, you're talking about this chick like you're making some sort of long-term commitment...You're what, 16? I have underwear older than you - have fun screwing around like jack rabbits while you can.

3) Listen to her, but don't make assumptions off what she says. Life has taught me that when an individual has an opportunity to act based on an ulterior motive, they usually will. Bear that in mind, because paranoia can be healthy.

[The GWD]

Just drink Mountain Dew.

[Face]

1) A chick can, conceivably, let you bust one inside her at certain points of the month without worrying about Medlar, Jr. sliding out of her 9 months later. If you don't want to bother with the condom, take it when you can and get blowjobs when you can't.

2) Seriously, you're talking about this chick like you're making some sort of long-term commitment...You're what, 16? I have underwear older than you - have fun screwing around like jack rabbits while you can.

3) Listen to her, but don't make assumptions off what she says. Life has taught me that when an individual has an opportunity to act based on an ulterior motive, they usually will. Bear that in mind, because paranoia can be healthy.
am I the only one who finds it ironic that you'd use the term conceivably?

[RedBEARD]

http://server6.uploadit.org/files/Kijinnmaru-inconceivable.jpg

[Face]

*sigh*

[RedBEARD]

That guy has a way gruesome head.

[Face]

*gasp*

[RedBEARD]

That was bullet point #2, actually.

[medlar]

am I the only one who finds it ironic that you'd use the term conceivably?

No you are not.

1) A chick can, conceivably, let you bust one inside her at certain points of the month without worrying about Medlar, Jr. sliding out of her 9 months later. If you don't want to bother with the condom, take it when you can and get blowjobs when you can't.

I think this is called the Rythm method and if she is up on her cycle or schedule or the moon, it would be great, but she would have to pretty regular for that to work. I think if I remember from sexed classes the risk of conception is like over 20%. Fuck I will probably be more up on when aunt flow is going to show up then herself.

2) Seriously, you're talking about this chick like you're making some sort of long-term commitment...You're what, 16? I have underwear older than you - have fun screwing around like jack rabbits while you can.

I already went through all that and didn't manage it well. This girl is slightly more than just friend with benefits type but there's not me thinking to far in the future again. I just want my ride worryfree!

3) Listen to her, but don't make assumptions off what she says. Life has taught me that when an individual has an opportunity to act based on an ulterior motive, they usually will. Bear that in mind, because paranoia can be healthy.

I'm keeping my trojans on hand. I sometimes forget to take my meds when I've been taking them everyday, so why wouldn't she. I'm not good on picking up someone elses motives that quickly and before it's too late. I'm still pretty physically caught up in her to try and catch that. And Im not thinking on making it a long term serious committment. This is pretty much why I broke up with my first girlfriend. And it was worry-free sexing in that one.

Thanks RedBeard this sorts out some of my thoughts.

Inconceivable..I saw that film twice. Good swordwork.

[Jack Bauer]

fuck it. go for it. if your worried dragon punch her in the stomach every month for 9 months. problem solved.

[Soup Nazi]

Pfft, kids. Everyone knows that this best form of contraception is a fake name.

[Tar Heel]

Hahahaha.. I am always George. Shit there are probably 8 or 9 chicks in or around the myrtle beach area that could have a baby that thinks his daddy's name is george.

[Angry Ass Messican Dude]

My fake name is Daniel.

[Poop Sailboat]

I go with Leon or John.

[TheImpossibleMan]

via Facebook, messages sent 15 minutes apart at 2AMYo Doug this is really talk son. Hey nobull shit. you really need to lay the fuck off my girl. i know you like her and shit but that shit really isnt cool at all man. so please man. dont be fucking around with her iight? this is me being nice. Just stop please.
hey im sorry about that. that was really ignorant of me. we just need to talk ok?

[Philip Lombard]

problem?

[Rover]

People actually type in "iight"? You hang with some very 'street' people. You should be careful.

[TheImpossibleMan]

problem?
I'm "seeing" the girl he's dating.

People actually type in "iight"? You hang with some very 'street' people. You should be careful.
I think he was drunk.

[Philip Lombard]

sounds like he wants you to join them for a threesome

[chipsahoy]

I'm "seeing" the girl he's dating.


I think he was drunk.

Solution
Fuck her and in doing so fuck him.

[Jack Bauer]

who knew TIM was a pimp

[Rover]

I'm "seeing" the girl he's dating.


I think he was drunk.Couldn't you just tell him you like men? Tell him you're giving her advice on lingerie and, uh, other feminine stuff.

[Philip Lombard]

i hope you die alone

[Jack Bauer]

People, every year there are more beautiful 18 year old girls on this Earth than there was the year before.... There's never a reason to get hung up, unless you're just soooo madly crazed over someone's personality that no piece of literature has ever depicted such a being then odds are you haven't read enough books(or watched enough movies)...

History with a person don't mean shit, there are no such things as obligations that so many of us wish to adhere to... Relationships are all about wants, there are no "needs" or "obligations" but many people like to exploit these facets of human consciousness to attempt a "stranglehold" or "hostage situation" on individals they may have a history with....

Huh? WHAT THE FUCK!

[Philip Lombard]

here's an issue some of you guys in relationships may have had in the past

let's say you're lazy and you don't like to shave everyday. you have a trimmer, so you just use that to get a sort of permanent 5 o'clock shadow look. your girl however, doesn't likey the scratchy. maybe she breaks out or it just rubs her skin raw.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

[Le Goat]

here's an issue some of you guys in relationships may have had in the past

let's say you're lazy and you don't like to shave everyday. you have a trimmer, so you just use that to get a sort of permanent 5 o'clock shadow look. your girl however, doesn't likey the scratchy. maybe she breaks out or it just rubs her skin raw.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

You tell her you can either shave every 2 days and it'll be worse on her skin or you can trim every 4 days and it wont cut her face up



if she bitches, just cut her face up with a knife and scream 'WHICH IS BETTER, THIS OR MY FUCKING STUBBLE?!??!?!!?'

[Le Goat]

Ok so I'm 97% i'm in the position to love someone i've been talking to via text/phone calls the past 6 weeks. She's not some weird chick I met on some underage webcam site (different girl) she's the married chick that loves me from a few months back sister. We've texted/talked a LOT on the phone and she's un-fucking-believable. I'm talking the kinda girl that loves 'Always Sunny', 'The Office' and 'Arrested Development' and my type of humor that yall have come to love on here. She lives in Utah and is moving here in January (or sooner) Anyways, I learned tonight that my best female frien is in love with me again. She was wondering if her and I could be roomies and then sprung the 'oh god i fucking love you' angle, then I sprung the 'oh shit I dont know' angle and mentioned the other girl.


I dont know what the fuck to do. :(

[Face]

I swear your entire life is made up

[Penguin Rick]

Fuck them both. But stay with the phone chick if she seems as awesome as you say she is.

[Philip Lombard]

Please tell me the first girl isn't moving there for you.

[Le Goat]

Please tell me the first girl isn't moving there for you.

Noooo. Her moving here is the only reason we are still talking. If she wasn't I'd just go ahead and fuck my friend.

[CTricksterGirl]

Bang them both, whichever one is better, take her

[RedBEARD]

Bang them both, whichever one is better, take herWords to live by - and she's a chick, so she would know.

[Da Raider]

Noooo. Her moving here is the only reason we are still talking. If she wasn't I'd just go ahead and fuck my friend.

knock them both up. And let them both live with you.

[RedBEARD]

Polygamy is hot in Texas.

[janois]

knock them both up. And let them both live with you.
I smell sitcom.
"Baby daddy times two" Or some equally lame name.

[Limp]

I have a tough weekend ahead of me. My wife is going out of town all weekend and on Saturday night I will be going out with the girl in the picture and the girl who was wearing those panties just seconds before the picture was taken....
http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u63/Limp-pics/GMF/ATT777343.jpg

I haven't seen the girl that owns the panties in two years and she is "really looking forward to seeing me". Both of them have told me to bring a change of clothes because I probably won't make it home that night.

I wanna be a good boy... I really do... but I have two VERY hot chicks that will be want to ride me at the same time.

I have no problem saying no to one piece of strange, but two? I'M ONLY HUMAN!

Now someone say something to make me either feel better about doing it or make me feel like enough shit that I don't.

[Banon]

you only live once, asshole.

[}{arlequin]

use it or lose it?

[Daydreamer]

Just do it!

[Banon]

Think of seeing your daughter every other weekend, and your wife eventually meeting some other man and that man is telling you daughter what to do and is raising her except for every other weekend. But that is, if you get busted. Is a piece of ass worth it? My answer, no. But two pieces of ass at the same time and your wife having a chance of never finding out? YOU FUCKING RIGHT IT IS!!!

[Mr. Brown]

for real no man don't do it. go out of two turn off your phone whatever. if you single your an idiot for even asking, but once you get married you made that commitment. only you know what you and your wife have been through and think if she was to find out. what would that stress do to her current situation? don't to it man.

[Banon]

Yeah, I'm with the brown man, don't do it, you big pussy.

[Banon]

oh, and see if I can be a fill in.

[The Dude]

you should invite your wife to party with them and get some trifecta action.


otherwise...you're married asshole.

[mxlplkt]

How would you like it if you found out your wife was getting fingercuffed?

[Jericho]

Can't cosign on this one Limp. Don't be an asshole. Why are you even putting yourself in this situation. Stay home and rent a movie or something

[Le Goat]

I have a tough weekend ahead of me. My wife is going out of town all weekend and on Saturday night I will be going out with the girl in the picture and the girl who was wearing those panties just seconds before the picture was taken....
http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u63/Limp-pics/GMF/ATT777343.jpg

I haven't seen the girl that owns the panties in two years and she is "really looking forward to seeing me". Both of them have told me to bring a change of clothes because I probably won't make it home that night.

I wanna be a good boy... I really do... but I have two VERY hot chicks that will be want to ride me at the same time.

I have no problem saying no to one piece of strange, but two? I'M ONLY HUMAN!

Now someone say something to make me either feel better about doing it or make me feel like enough shit that I don't.

Fuck both of those girls and when your wife gets home fuck her AND your daughter at the same time. Then compare which orgie was the best and choose those two. It's simple!

[RedBEARD]

Now someone say something to make me either feel better about doing it or make me feel like enough shit that I don't.How would you feel if you came home to your wife unexpectedly early one day and found her getting DP'd by two dudes, or one dude and one girl with a dildo, or Banon & Oggie, or me & Jericho, or OSUMike & ADD? I could go on forever, but I think you get the idea.

[Le Goat]

For a board that watches/advocates double insertion interracial midget porn and Liberal Ideology there sure are a bunch of uptight faggots on here

[Banon]

I'm pretty sure he'd be pumped that I dropped my standards to hit his ole lady.

Btw, Oggie and I would make a great tag team.

[Jericho]

How would you feel if you came home to your wife unexpectedly early one day and found her getting DP'd by two dudes, or one dude and one girl with a dildo, or Banon & Oggie, or me & Jericho, or OSUMike & ADD? I could go on forever, but I think you get the idea.
London Bridge, muhfuggah

[Penguin Rick]

Eiffel Tower?

[Jericho]

that, too

[}{arlequin]

London Bridge, muhfuggah
the wobbly }{

[Limp]

You guy's fucking suck.

Thanks.

[Limp]

BTW I am going to lunch with the girl I haven't seen in two years...

.. it's only lunch!

[RedBEARD]

BTW I am going to lunch with the girl I haven't seen in two years...

.. it's only lunch!You're going to sex her in the men's room, aren't you?

[Le Goat]

BTW I am going to lunch with the girl I haven't seen in two years...

.. it's only lunch!

Get a pic of her with 'goat' written on a napkin...

[Da Raider]

I have a tough weekend ahead of me. My wife is going out of town all weekend and on Saturday night I will be going out with the girl in the picture and the girl who was wearing those panties just seconds before the picture was taken....
http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u63/Limp-pics/GMF/ATT777343.jpg

I haven't seen the girl that owns the panties in two years and she is "really looking forward to seeing me". Both of them have told me to bring a change of clothes because I probably won't make it home that night.

I wanna be a good boy... I really do... but I have two VERY hot chicks that will be want to ride me at the same time.

I have no problem saying no to one piece of strange, but two? I'M ONLY HUMAN!

Now someone say something to make me either feel better about doing it or make me feel like enough shit that I don't.

Here's my personal story that applies to your situation:
I had to go out of town for a convention and ran into two "adventurous" girls at a bar and at the end of the night, they wanted me to go up to their hotel room with them. I walked them to their cab and wished them a good night. Did I want to have a 3some? Of course I did. I'm only human. But I'd only been married a year or so at the time. If I cannot be faithful to my newlywed wife, I shouldn't have even got married. And I know I married the right woman for me. So I know I made the right choice.

The one thing that sucks about that particular situation was the fact that I couldn't brag to my wife about my being faithful and doing the right thing that night. She'd be upset that I was even in that situation.

So, you can have your threesome or you can pass. If you don't plan on being with this woman for the rest of your life, I say do it. If you value your wife and your marriage even the slightest bit, I wouldn't do it. Becuz a successful marriage takes everyday commitment. Good luck to you.

[Le Goat]

faggots, i swear

[Da Raider]

PS - never listen to Goat about anything unless it pertains to beastiality or dirty foriegn people.

[Banon]

Hey Limp, ask this Baby Jesus dude, who is now a total faggot, how many times he thinks of that situation and how many times he regrets not pounding two whores at one time.

[redsox39]

You guys are serious? Fuck, I have already told my wife that if the 3 some becomes available, I am in. Unless she hooks it up for me, I am having a God damn 3 some before I die.

So, the moral of the story is, get your marriage together where you can actually talk about this shit with your wife. If you aren't comfortable telling your wife you are a dirty, perverted, bi-curious sheep humper, then you really aren't in a very healthy relationship anyways.

Either way, Fuck em both, and cum in their ass.

[Banon]

you must be a fuckin stud.

[RedBEARD]

Dude's first post and he's claiming conquest of two young hoo'ers...

Highly unlikely.

[Banon]

In that case, he's got 13 minutes to come up with naked pics of these whores or I'll ban his IP.

[ick]

I have my moments

[Banon]

you have about 12 more moments. Clock is ticking.

[mongo]

i'm gonna have to go w/ banon on this one. make w/ the titties.

[Banon]

I'm going to give this guy 30 more minutes just because I believe in his getting naked pictures of these chicks potential.

[Banon]

I was right, you are a fuckin stud!

[Tar Heel]

Right on.

[ick]

Actually, if you bring back the GMF's bitches thread I may consider putting up a few more, I have about a gig stick full of the ex... unfortunately, none of the other... although there was a video at one point (believe it is still somewhere in my the attic of my parent's house). Just because that thread was awesome.

Anyway I'm off to a wedding. Get back to you fellas tomorrow.

[Banon]

Hey Admins/Mods, use this script as a lesson on how shit should be done around here.

<3,
The Banonster.

[RedBEARD]

555

[Banon]

Actually, if you bring back the GMF's bitches thread I may consider putting up a few more, I have about a gig stick full of the ex... unfortunately, none of the other... although there was a video at one point (believe it is still somewhere in my the attic of my parent's house). Just because that thread was awesome.

Anyway I'm off to a wedding. Get back to you fellas tomorrow.

I'll tell you what, since I like you I'll give you the honors of remaking the GMF's bitches thread and you can start it by posting more of this whore.

[CTricksterGirl]

So for real on this...when is a good time to tell a man that you love them in a relationship without fear that it may be too soon? Or shit, how can you even tell?!

[mongo]

So for real on this...when is a good time to tell a man that you love them in a relationship without fear that it may be too soon? Or shit, how can you even tell?!

never.

[RedBEARD]

So for real on this...when is a good time to tell a man that you love them in a relationship without fear that it may be too soon? Or shit, how can you even tell?!3 seconds after he buries his peen up to his balls in your cornhole - it's as convincing a time as ever.

[Jack Bauer]

any topless?

[Tar Heel]

So for real on this...when is a good time to tell a man that you love them in a relationship without fear that it may be too soon? Or shit, how can you even tell?!


After the 13th buttseckzing session.

[RedBEARD]

Obviously the answer has something to do with teh anal.

[Banon]

So for real on this...when is a good time to tell a man that you love them in a relationship without fear that it may be too soon? Or shit, how can you even tell?!


Seriously, to know if a man really honestly and truely loves you, let him be the first to speak those words.

[Tar Heel]

Try substituting the words "I love you...r balls in my mouth" until then.

[The Dude]

You guys are serious? Fuck, I have already told my wife that if the 3 some becomes available, I am in. Unless she hooks it up for me, I am having a God damn 3 some before I die.

So, the moral of the story is, get your marriage together where you can actually talk about this shit with your wife. If you aren't comfortable telling your wife you are a dirty, perverted, bi-curious sheep humper, then you really aren't in a very healthy relationship anyways.

Either way, Fuck em both, and cum in their ass.

all i read there was that you are bi-curious...

[mongo]

you missed "sheep humper"?

[The Dude]

the admission of bi-curious was enough to make me stop reading

[Da Raider]

So for real on this...when is a good time to tell a man that you love them in a relationship without fear that it may be too soon? Or shit, how can you even tell?!

he must give you the O face pretty often. CT Girl, just know this...he probably likes the relationship exactly how it is; Undefined, and without pressure to define it. So as Bannon said, keep quiet. If you loves you, youl'll know it cuz he'll let you know.

[CTricksterGirl]

he must give you the O face pretty often. CT Girl, just know this...he probably likes the relationship exactly how it is; Undefined, and without pressure to define it. So as Bannon said, keep quiet. If you loves you, youl'll know it cuz he'll let you know.


Oh god, no I am fine with my relationship how it is now too...the boyfriend girlfriend thing...fabulous....especially because I get sexy time when I want!! HOORAY!! But I just feel bad because I don't want to say it but if he is thinking it and says it and I dont say it back, do you guys get butt hurt?

[Jericho]

You don't get paid to think, bitch. Now get out there and be somebody!!

[CTricksterGirl]

You don't get paid to think, bitch. Now get out there and be somebody!!

I AM SOMEBODY!!! sniffles...aren't I? :(

[Banon]

Oh god, no I am fine with my relationship how it is now too...the boyfriend girlfriend thing...fabulous....especially because I get sexy time when I want!! HOORAY!! But I just feel bad because I don't want to say it but if he is thinking it and says it and I dont say it back, do you guys get butt hurt?


if that's how you feel then be honest with the guy instead of saying it and not meaning it will only be leading him on. A simple thing would be saying look, I'm happy with our relationship the way it is, I'm not ruling out loving you, I'm just not ready to move to that step. There is this guy on the GMF board named Banon whom I'd really like a shot at and until he turns me down I can't move on to loving you. Until then you just focus on not cumming to fast while I focus on pretending you're him.

[mongo]

if that's how you feel then be honest with the guy instead of saying it and not meaning it will only be leading him on. A simple thing would be saying look, I'm happy will our relationship the way it is, I'm not ruling out loving you, I'm just not ready to move to that step. There is this guy on the GMF board named Banon whom I'd really like a shot at and until he turns me down I can't move on to loving you. Until then you just focus on not cumming to fast while I focus on pretending you're him.

gay much?

[Da Raider]

Oh god, no I am fine with my relationship how it is now too...the boyfriend girlfriend thing...fabulous....especially because I get sexy time when I want!! HOORAY!! But I just feel bad because I don't want to say it but if he is thinking it and says it and I dont say it back, do you guys get butt hurt?

If he goes all the way out on a limb and tells you he loves you, of course he'll get hurt if you don't feel the same way. But guess what...that's fucking life. Don't say shit you don't mean or can't handle the consequences of if the response isn't what you want to hear.

[CTricksterGirl]

gay much?

I think he was speaking from my perspective....

[Limp]

BTW I am going to lunch with the girl I haven't seen in two years...

.. it's only lunch!
4am... just got home from lunch. Been up 24 hours and I am tired as fuck.

[JT]

4am... just got home from lunch. Been up 24 hours and I am tired as fuck.

Nice job

[Menace2Sobriety]

I generally hate women and I'm pretty sure it's unhealthy. I am still capable of starting healthy relationships with women........ until they turn sour when I berate myself for being stupid enough to trust another evil wench.
Is there really anything wrong with hating women and ignoring them unless you want to use them for their sole purpose?

[Jack Bauer]

FUCK NO!

[ick]

I generally hate women and I'm pretty sure it's unhealthy. I am still capable of starting healthy relationships with women........ until they turn sour when I berate myself for being stupid enough to trust another evil wench.
Is there really anything wrong with hating women and ignoring them unless you want to use them for their sole purpose?

Sure there is, and it stands only to hurt you. I am a firm believer in karma, not as some supernatural rate of return on all of one's bad deeds, but instead, a self-evident manifestation of one's own actions - to put it simply, you always reap what you sow. If you live in the past and can't master your own emotions concerning it, you will enter every relationship in your life with baggage and it will only hurt your chances of success. Trustworthy women are few and far between; no man will contest that. But if you can't overcome the petty damage inflicted by the worthless ones, the selfish ones, then the women who could potentially win your trust and keep it will walk right on by and keep walking.

[mongo]

stop being a chick, fag.

[Le Goat]

http://jj.am/gallery/d/63696-1/My_girlfriend.jpg

[ruffdog]

fuck my life

[Face]

virgin getting a little too cliingy?

[Face]

or did she finally dump your worthless ass?

[ruffdog]

i'm gonna go on a killing spree

[ruffdog]

starting with face

[Face]

awww, poor ruffy got dumped

[mongo]

i'm gonna go on a killing spree

starting with face

if this is how it's gonna go, i'll gladly help out.

[Face]

I can't stop laughing at the thought of ruffy getting dumped, this has made my fucking day

[mongo]

by a HS'er none the less.

[Face]

^5

[mongo]

^10

[Pox]

Thats ruff, dog

[Face]

^10
fuck no, you touch yourself with one of those hands, if I only ^5 then I've got a 50/50 chance of not being infected by your filth

[mongo]

fuck no, you touch yourself with one of those hands, if I only ^5 then I've got a 50/50 chance of not being infected by your filth

trust me, in my case, it takes both hands.

[Face]

no stamina in your forearms forces you to switch-hit too, eh?

[Face]

I mean... god you're such a loser!!

[Mustard]

Now its time to beef up those forearm muscles ruff.

[Hoser]

I am seeing this girl who just wants to have sex all the time. I mean constantly. I just dont want to all the time.

WTF is wrong with me????

I'm off to have a night full of sex.. again.

[WigglingWii]

I am seeing this girl who just wants to have sex all the time. I mean constantly. I just dont want to all the time.

WTF is wrong with me????

I'm off to have a night full of sex.. again.

It's because you don't like vaginas.

[RedBEARD]

I am seeing this girl who just wants to have sex all the time. I mean constantly. I just dont want to all the time.

WTF is wrong with me????

I'm off to have a night full of sex.. again.When the idea of the sex you're having being too much sex enters your mind, you should probably just go ahead and kill yourself.

[Angry Ass Messican Dude]

I like a girl.

[Bill Paxton]

So I like this girl, and I've found out that she really likes me. The problem is she is going to india for 4 months starting in december. I am wondering if I should ask her out now, or just be cool with her an wait until she gets back. Or maybe do something kinda cheesy like "hey when you get back do you want to go out sometime"?

Suggestions? Im seeing her again next weekend, so I need to think of something by then.

[Muji]

why would anyone go to India?

[Angry Ass Messican Dude]

I think your best bet would be to ask her out now. I kinda know how you feel. I seem to like girls who are unavailable to me as well.

You never know if there is a guy who is thinking the same thing about her as you are.

[RedBEARD]

why would anyone go to India?Heroin?

Cheap whores?

[Bill Paxton]

Yeah, I feel like I need to make some kind of move before she goes away. I mean i doubt shes gonna come back from india with a boyfriend or anything, but if I don't at least try to plant my flag i could miss a good opportunity

[Jericho]

Yeah, I feel like I need to make some kind of move before she goes away. I mean i doubt shes gonna come back from india with a boyfriend or anything, but if I don't at least try to plant my flag i could miss a good opportunity
Plant it with your finger

[Angry Ass Messican Dude]

How can you expect the flower of love to grow if you never plant a seed?


lol

[Bill Paxton]

I WILL PLANT MY SEED!!!

[Angry Ass Messican Dude]

Plant that seed! Plant that seed!

[Titus_Pullo]

She will be kidnapped and become a sex slave to some rich Indian prince.

[Face]

So I like this girl, and I've found out that she really likes me. The problem is she is going to india for 4 months starting in december. I am wondering if I should ask her out now, or just be cool with her an wait until she gets back. Or maybe do something kinda cheesy like "hey when you get back do you want to go out sometime"?

Suggestions? Im seeing her again next weekend, so I need to think of something by then.
this sounds strangely familiar... are you sure she's not going to Ireland?

[NOTKyle]

Stick your turban in her untouchable.