Dirk Diggler's Relationship, Dating, & Advice Thread-Ruffdog fails

[The Dude]

Post all questions for GMF's resident expert here.

http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/bnc.jpg

[NOTKyle]

Advice: Always untag/delete pics of you with an ex while in a relationship with a new girl.

Facebook iz srs

[Titus_Pullo]

I have a problem. I've been seeing this woman for a while now. Unfortunately she finally caught on to me looking through her bedroom window last night and called the cops. What should I use for my defense?

[NOTKyle]

I'd go with self defense. If you stopped looking at her YOU'D JUST DIE

[The Dude]

I have a problem. I've been seeing this woman for a while now. Unfortunately she finally caught on to me looking through her bedroom window last night and called the cops. What should I use for my defense?

tell them you're blind

[mudokon485]

Hit it then quit it

[Philip Lombard]

Advice: Always untag/delete pics of you with an ex while in a relationship with a new girl.

Facebook iz srs
Why?

[J.G.]

I've suspected for some time now that my girlfriend has been having an affair. The usual signs: Phone rings, I answer, caller hangs up. She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently although when I ask which girls, it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them." I always look out for her taxi coming home, but she always comes walking up the driveway as I hear a car setting off...as if she had exited the car 'round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi? I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her?

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my girlfriend. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her. I decided I was going to hide behind my car which would give me a view of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was whilst crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.

Should I take it into a body repair shop or should I buy some stuff from the local auto shop and try to repair it myself?

[NOTKyle]

CAR THREAD ------>

[Philip Lombard]

Also old and not funny.

[Nature's Folly]

you should DIE!!!!

[Ninja Pope]

I think my MacBook may be cooking my balls. Will Cajun-style sperm inhibit my sex life? Will my children be born covered in burns and blisters? Is it better to have my balls cooked by Apple, or have my ass raped by Microsoft?

[Titus_Pullo]

You are looking at this the wrong way. Rawdog without the possibility of impregnation FTW.

[Ninja Pope]

You are looking at this the wrong way. Rawdog without the possibility of impregnation FTW.

Yeah, but the thing is...I've got good genes. I'd like to at least be able to freeze a few vials of Formula NP1 before I permanently redirect traffic. Plus I don't think women like having char-broiled scrotums (scroti?) near their lips.

[Titus_Pullo]

Just clone yourself. You don't need to be rolling the dice with some womans DNA.

[White.Rabbit]

I got back with Jew. But this time I don't really love him and I'm still looking for someone else. I'm just using him for sex and weed. :-O

[Tar Heel]

I don't believe you.

[White.Rabbit]

oh you best believe. I'm a scheming whore.

[NOTKyle]

You're using someone for weed?

It's far and away the cheapest drug out there.

[White.Rabbit]

yes, but I like free shit. :)

[White.Rabbit]

I'm not really using him for weed. Its just part of the package.

[Limp]

I'm not really using him for weed. Its just part of the package.
I'm going to LOL when you have his jew nosed baby.

[White.Rabbit]

ew, never. birth control patch ftw.

[White.Rabbit]

and if that fails, abortion ft..l.

[Limp]

0.01% chance FTW!

[RedBEARD]

A half-Jew, half-AZN, half-Canadian?

Terrifying.

[feith]

Advice: Always untag/delete pics of you with an ex while in a relationship with a new girl.

Facebook iz srs


facebook is just creeeeeepy nowadays.

[Nature's Folly]

I got back with Jew. But this time I don't really love him and I'm still looking for someone else. I'm just using him for sex and weed. :-O


That is so hot.

[NOTKyle]

facebook is just creeeeeepy nowadays.

No kidding.

[The Dude]

oh you best believe. I'm a whore.

I knew it...

[Tar Heel]

We really did ruin her.

When I first joined and she was like 13 or 14, I remember thinking, "This girl is going to be one fucked up 18 year old."

[ShitBreak]

Tara will either end up in jail, get pregnant, or will get physically abused all before she is 21.

I'm thinking she might go for the trifecta.

[Limp]

Tara will either end up in jail, get pregnant, or will get physically abused all before she is 21.

I'm thinking she might go for the trifecta.
You used either/or and then "all before she is 21"?

Fuld speaks better English than you.

[Nature's Folly]

We really did ruin her.

When I first joined and she was like 13 or 14, I remember thinking, "This girl is going to be one fucked up 18 year old."


All 18 yr olds are screwed up nowadays in some form or fashion.

[Mr. Bateman]

yea. they all have an ego trip and...are dirty little cunts believe it or not.

[Penguin Rick]

All 18 yr olds are screwed up nowadays in some form or fashion.

Ahem...

[NOTKyle]

Me and my girlfriend are both filling out EHarmony profiles and are going to make a bet on who winds up with the most/best looking matches.

This will not end well.

[Nature's Folly]

Ahem...


Well not you, sorry i meant 18 yr old females.

[Poop Sailboat]

Me and my girlfriend are both filling out EHarmony profiles and are going to make a bet on who winds up with the most/best looking matches.

This will not end well.
...

[A-Ron]

Me and my girlfriend are both filling out EHarmony profiles and are going to make a bet on who winds up with the most/best looking matches.

This will not end well.

I am positive that your prediction is correct. Best of luck.

[Candycane]

Me and my girlfriend are both filling out EHarmony profiles and are going to make a bet on who winds up with the most/best looking matches.

This will not end well.


Have you guys done everything there is to do in your town? I can agree with you it won't end well. She will inevitably not like a few of the women who are matched for you.

[Candycane]

But you may.

me? I'm kinda over my girl hankering. I'm plenty full right now.

[White.Rabbit]

i remember when i was 14 and joined this shithole

[Face]

I remember when I was 25 and joined this shithole... I can't decide if I was better off before I found it or not

[vasili denisov]

I don't see what's so whore-ish about continuing to have sex with someone and not being in love with them. That sounds like a lot of marriages but, you know, with sex.

[NOTKyle]

Have you guys done everything there is to do in your town? I can agree with you it won't end well. She will inevitably not like a few of the women who are matched for you.

She lives on Long Island, we go to school together.

[Titus_Pullo]

Isn't E-Harmony the one that fronts that they are for everyone, but they are really a christian themed dating service?

[NOTKyle]

Isn't E-Harmony the one that fronts that they are for everyone, but they are really a christian themed dating service?

Probably. You can't be gay on eHarmony.

[Rover]

Me and my girlfriend are both filling out EHarmony profiles and are going to make a bet on who winds up with the most/best looking matches.

This will not end well.That's not even subtle. How does that conversation go?

Her: I think we should fill out online dating profiles.
You: Okay.

There should be a vbookie on how long it takes before either you or her are dating someone they met on Eharmony.

[Penguin Rick]

Who suggested that?

If I brought that up with my girlfriend, I think she'd give me one of those clueless 'WTF are you talking about' looks and then slap me in the face.

[medlar]

Ask a girl to come walk with you when you take your dog for a walk and it's all good. It's better than that first offer to go see a movie.

For those awkward moments, you can both focus on the dog, until you can think of something to move the conversation along. I'm almost there.

[mongo]

if you introduce booze to any date, there is never an awkward pause.

[medlar]

Thats for tonite. I know she can neck a bottle well.

Also this girl actually got up at 6:30 am to come out with me. That says alot.

[Penguin Rick]

Whenever medlar posts, I think I'm listening to one of those old school English folks who lives in a village.

[medlar]

tHE VILLage Idiot maybe ? haha

[dadaelus]

Thats for tonite. I know she can neck a bottle well.

Also this girl actually got up at 6:30 am to come out with me. That says alot.

Alcoholic AND an insomniac. That's expensive

[hishiad]

Last night I was jerking it to some explicit material (olympic swimmers) and my fiance was not with me, in fact I've yet to see her today (thankfully). Anyway everything was going as it normally would I had my vaseline and jizz towel and all that, but during an awkward moment I lost my balance and fell about a foot or two during this fall the belt I was using cut into my throat a bit so now I have a huge bruise....what should I do? Should I cover this up, admit what happened, or insist it was a white supremacy group that attempted to lynch me and in an act of pure heroism I was able to escape?

[POO POO CANNON]

Last night I was jerking it to some explicit material (olympic swimmers) and my fiance was not with me, in fact I've yet to see her today (thankfully). Anyway everything was going as it normally would I had my vaseline and jizz towel and all that, but during an awkward moment I lost my balance and fell about a foot or two during this fall the belt I was using cut into my throat a bit so now I have a huge bruise....what should I do? Should I cover this up, admit what happened, or insist it was a white supremacy group that attempted to lynch me and in an act of pure heroism I was able to escape?

you jerked it to Olympic swimmers? I was barely able to get 'er done to Misty May and Kerri Walsh.

[NOTKyle]

Who suggested that?

If I brought that up with my girlfriend, I think she'd give me one of those clueless 'WTF are you talking about' looks and then slap me in the face.

She joked about starting a profile to see who she'd get, and I suggested the bet to see who gets the most/sexiest matches.

We're both really comfortable in the relationship.

I already have 6 matches; probably going to take Kathleen out for coffee.

[medlar]

Balance is so important when it comes to this activity. I think you should tell her and have a laugh about it and then bang her b/c she will tell you why do you have to be doing it for you to have to wank off and why are you doing it to dykey looking swimmers.

[Penguin Rick]

I suggest you tell the truth and gauge her reaction and if it's not going well play it off as a joke and say you got hurt doing housework.

[medlar]

I read somewhere that sex on the first date releases some kind of hormones that increases the bond and trust between two people. I thought I'd thinking on that more last night.

I had an awesome night. I didn't get laid. In fact I discreetly took my durex from my back pocket and stuffed it down my sock. We just wandered around downtown, made our way to some beach, watched the sun go down, smoked a spliff and I figured if she can listen to me splag on about pretty much nothing, then She is worth waiting on till the third time we got out. But damn she is has an awesome pair of lips and a tongue that just doesn't have any boundaries.

*bonus...she is now the ex friend of my ex. ftw

[Jack Bauer]

your still talking about your dog? right? walking it and shit?

[medlar]

^haha

My dog is still my best friend.

[Le Goat]

I read somewhere that sex on the first date releases some kind of hormones that increases the bond and trust between two people. I thought I'd thinking on that more last night.

I had an awesome night. I didn't get laid. In fact I discreetly took my durex from my back pocket and stuffed it down my sock. We just wandered around downtown, made our way to some beach, watched the sun go down, smoked a spliff and I figured if she can listen to me splag on about pretty much nothing, then She is worth waiting on till the third time we got out. But damn she is has an awesome pair of lips and a tongue that just doesn't have any boundaries.

*bonus...she is now the ex friend of my ex. ftw

http://jj.am/gallery/d/57428-1/bill-oreilly.jpg

[medlar]

Bill O'reilly.

He criies for America, but mostly for himself

[WigglingWii]

Quick question: how do you guys make things official with a girl? Do you ask her to be your gf or have the exclusivity talk? This guy I'm kind of seeing asked me last night "So where are we?" I was dumbfounded because that's not him directly asking me to be his gf. I didn't have a response. When the fuck is it okay to be exclusive?

[Titus_Pullo]

Whenever both of you only want to date each other.

[WigglingWii]

I don't feel like we're connecting on the same level just yet














LOLIEZ!!!!

[Titus_Pullo]

You're totally going to crush his feelings. That makes me LOLZ.

[WigglingWii]

You're totally going to crush his feelings. That makes me LOLZ.

I have the tendency to do that to men.

[Face]

Quick question: how do you guys make things official with a girl? Do you ask her to be your gf or have the exclusivity talk? This guy I'm kind of seeing asked me last night "So where are we?" I was dumbfounded because that's not him directly asking me to be his gf. I didn't have a response. When the fuck is it okay to be exclusive?
is this the virgin or a different guy?

[vasili denisov]

Quick question: how do you guys make things official with a girl? Do you ask her to be your gf or have the exclusivity talk? This guy I'm kind of seeing asked me last night "So where are we?" I was dumbfounded because that's not him directly asking me to be his gf.
Context plays a big part in these things. Like, how long have you been seeing each other, and also, when he asked, were you guys in a car on a distant and faraway road? Because not everything your guy says has to do with the relationship.

[WigglingWii]

Context plays a big part in these things. Like, how long have you been seeing each other, and also, when he asked, were you guys in a car on a distant and faraway road? Because not everything your guy says has to do with the relationship.

Well, he was driving and I don't think the question had anything to do with our specific location at the time.

[NOTKyle]

Quick question: how do you guys make things official with a girl? Do you ask her to be your gf or have the exclusivity talk? This guy I'm kind of seeing asked me last night "So where are we?" I was dumbfounded because that's not him directly asking me to be his gf. I didn't have a response. When the fuck is it okay to be exclusive?

I just straight up asked my girl if she wanted to officially be my girlfriend. I feel like before someone steps up and makes it that clear it isn't for sure.

[NOTKyle]

Wow. You lady killer.

[NOTKyle]

Ladies love shit like that.

OR SO I'M TOLD

[Swurgen]

Quick question: how do you guys make things official with a girl? Do you ask her to be your gf or have the exclusivity talk? This guy I'm kind of seeing asked me last night "So where are we?" I was dumbfounded because that's not him directly asking me to be his gf. I didn't have a response. When the fuck is it okay to be exclusive?

Are you holding back the punnany on him? Maybe he's initiating that relationship status convo as a tool to get some vag. If not then maybe he actually has a vag?

[Penguin Rick]

I just straight up asked my girl if she wanted to officially be my girlfriend. I feel like before someone steps up and makes it that clear it isn't for sure.

I did that the first time I asked out a girl. But usually, if her and I start holding hands in public, it's a pretty good sign that things are 'official'.

[NOTKyle]

I did that the first time I asked out a girl. But usually, if her and I start holding hands in public, it's a pretty good sign that things are 'official'.

It was a little trickier for me though. I had broken up with my girlfriend of 2 years about a month before that, so there was a huge grey area of whether or not I should even make anything official.

[Philip Lombard]

guys there's this girl i was really into, but apparently all of a sudden she's not into me, and i'm having a hard time dealing with it, how do you get over someone

[POO POO CANNON]

guys there's this girl i was really into, but apparently all of a sudden she's not into me, and i'm having a hard time dealing with it, how do you get over someone

kill everyone she loves until you are the only option left.

[Philip Lombard]

that sounds like a plan

[NOTKyle]

Be cooler and/or better looking.

[Philip Lombard]

i'm even better looking than i was when i used to be with her!

[Titus_Pullo]

guys there's this girl i was really into, but apparently all of a sudden she's not into me, and i'm having a hard time dealing with it, how do you get over someone

Take a left turn on Albuquerque and find a new chick. Life is too short to be hung up on someone.

[Philip Lombard]

this is true, but this girl is a 9, like the closest to 10 i may ever get, hard to let go of

[6655321]

guys there's this girl i was really into, but apparently all of a sudden she's not into me, and i'm having a hard time dealing with it, how do you get over someone

date rape her.

[Titus_Pullo]

At least you were there for a bit. Let it go, man!

[Philip Lombard]

i'm not the type, i have feelings for her

[6655321]

i'm not the type, i have feelings for her

how old are you man? this sounds like some highschool shit.

[WigglingWii]

i'm not the type, i have feelings for her

Why don't you post a picture of you and one of her, and I'll be able to tell you if you would ever have a chance with her?

[Philip Lombard]

twenty three years young

[Titus_Pullo]

Why don't you post a picture of you and one of her, and I'll be able to tell you if you would ever have a chance with her?

Now there is an idea.

[Philip Lombard]

yah, no pics, sorry

not thAT drunk

[6655321]

http://img221.imagevenue.com/loc444/th_45065_megmf_122_444lo.jpg (http://img221.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=45065_megmf_122_444lo.jpg)

[Philip Lombard]

i'm hot i know

[WigglingWii]

LOL! nice find.

[Philip Lombard]

DUG DEEP 4 THAT 1

[6655321]

2 whole pages.

[WigglingWii]

You remind me of this really weird guy I used to know in high school.

[Philip Lombard]

my pic or the things i type?

[WigglingWii]

my pic or the things i type?

The picture.

[Philip Lombard]

i'm not creepy i swear

[WigglingWii]

i'm not creepy i swear

I'm not convinced.

[Titus_Pullo]

Now did you fuck this 9-10?

[Philip Lombard]

yes

[6655321]

yes

dry humps don't count.

[Philip Lombard]

i'm not lying why would i lie

[WigglingWii]

It's official! Lombard is the new Wanker.

[Philip Lombard]

somehow i think that's a bad thing

[Penguin Rick]

guys there's this girl i was really into, but apparently all of a sudden she's not into me, and i'm having a hard time dealing with it, how do you get over someone

Time heals everything man. Slowly you will get over her.

And if you want to quicken it up, obsess over a new chick. It'll keep your mind off of her for the most part.

[Jack Bauer]

fuck it. best thing you can do is not talk to the bitch or make contact with her. if she doesnt want to be with you then tell her to go fuck. your missing out on other pootang if you spend most of your time crying like a little bitch over some one who just doesnt care. i've been in the same boat. i wised up pretty early on. no bitch is worth feeling shit over.

[The GWD]

Watch Swingers.

[Philip Lombard]

you guys are awesome, i'll be over it in no time

[6655321]

don't get him started again.

[Philip Lombard]

nah, i'm done

[ruffdog]

what movie should I go see with my gf this weekend

1. Tropic Thunder
2. Pineapple Express
3. go fuck yourself
4. both at the same time

[Limp]

3. go fuck yourself
PEDO!

~Leah

[feith]

Ask a girl to come walk with you when you take your dog for a walk and it's all good. It's better than that first offer to go see a movie.

For those awkward moments, you can both focus on the dog, until you can think of something to move the conversation along. I'm almost there.


lol that was my first 'date' and it really does work!

[Limp]

lol that was my first 'date' and it really does work!
Lemmie guess... you were the dog?

[feith]

wow limp, you're may be the funniest most original person on this forum.

congrats.

[Tar Heel]

Speaking of puppies... When are you going to post dem tittays?

[feith]

call me a dog, and ask to see my tits...

class act.

[Limp]

If you don't show them soon we are going to start being rude...

[Tar Heel]

I didn't call you a dog, but I can't deny I'm a titty guy.

[feith]

go look at the porn then!!

[Tar Heel]

I am totally wearing you down.

[feith]

haha you keep saying that.

[Tar Heel]

And you'll be PMing me dem titties before you know it.

[feith]

don't hold yo' breath sweetheart.

[Tar Heel]

Don't withhold dem titties sweet tits.

[White.Rabbit]

maybe feith and i should rub our breasts together while tar heel films.

[Limp]

gross...

[White.Rabbit]

shut up, my tits are nice. i dunno about feith though.

[feith]

oh baby, haha sounds like a planned, i know i have nice tits, girls even compliment them when i go out... plus they're peirced lol:D

[Limp]

Someone is self conscious....

[feith]

right...

[Limp]

Was talking to the asain who thinks the entire world revolves around her.

[ShitBreak]

I've always wanted to rip a nip piercing out. That'd be awesome.

Can I play with them? I'll be gentle...

[Tar Heel]

oh baby, haha sounds like a planned, i know i have nice tits, girls even compliment them when i go out... plus they're peirced lol:D

Talkie. talkie. talkie.

Why no postie?

[White.Rabbit]

ew, mike. and fuck you, limp. I'm not self concious. hahaha you foolish man.

[feith]

I've always wanted to rip a nip piercing out. That'd be awesome.

Can I play with them? I'll be gentle...


um after reading that opening sentence... no.

sorry, got to protect my girls.:rolleyes:

[feith]

Talkie. talkie. talkie.

Why no postie?


i'm a civiled woman in a legit reltionship.

[Tar Heel]

The funny thing is that the girls that have sent me tit pics here, are the ones that you would have never thought would, but the girls that act like they aren't shy about therir bodies seem to be the biggest prudes.

[feith]

is that your way of 'wearing me down?'

[ShitBreak]

um after reading that opening sentence... no.

sorry, got to protect my girls.:rolleyes:

I meant dudes that have them. Dude's with nip-piercings are just gay. I've only been with one chick who had nip piercings, and it was only her left one.

But it was quite entertaining...

[Tar Heel]

is that your way of 'wearing me down?'

No. I'm just saying that you talk about your titties being nice, yet don't post them. Seriously. You should be sending pictures of them to random guys on the internet all the time if they are so great.

[6655321]

chicks with nip piercings are the best.

[White.Rabbit]

The funny thing is that the girls that have sent me tit pics here, are the ones that you would have never thought would, but the girls that act like they aren't shy about therir bodies seem to be the biggest prudes.
no, we only give that shit to those were deserve it. or not at all because we know you wankers will share it with everyone.

[Limp]

no, we only give that shit to those were deserve it. or not at all because we know you wankers will share it with everyone.
Not true.

I have a trust built up with a couple GMF ladies... one of them just got a pic of me in some boxer breifs. The rest of you fuckers have never even seen my face.

[6655321]

no, we only give that shit to those were deserve it. or not at all because we know you wankers will share it with everyone.

everyone is trustworthy on the internets, silly.


edit - post #777, tits.

[Tar Heel]

no, we only give that shit to those were deserve it. or not at all because we know you wankers will share it with everyone.


I wouldn't share. I have gotten tits from at least 5 female members and have never shared them. Why would I want to fuck that up?

[Limp]

I wouldn't share. I have gotten tits from at least 5 female members and have never shared them. Why would I want to fuck that up?
Phsychnurse DOES NOT COUNT. You didn't share those because you love us too much.

[White.Rabbit]

ahh, I love having limp on ignore.

[Tar Heel]

Dude. She is not on my list because I'm not sure those were tits.

[6655321]

you guys are pimps.

[Limp]

Someone quote this:

FUCK YOU YOON! YOU CAN'T GET AWAY FROM ME THAT EASY!

[Pax Britannia]

no, we only give that shit to those were deserve it. or not at all because we know you wankers will share it with everyone.

What if I got you drunk first?

[6655321]

Someone quote this:

FUCK YOU YOON! YOU CAN'T GET AWAY FROM ME THAT EASY!

[vasili denisov]

I go for a girl's subtler qualities. Like, her brain. And her gorgeous moony rear. Photos and/or x-rays of either are appreciated. You'll be giving me pleasure, but more importantly, backing up your medical records.

[NOTKyle]

What if I got you drunk first?

Your avatar is too misleading. I think you're the Mexican.

[Pax Britannia]

Your avatar is too misleading. I think you're the Mexican.

I stole this avatar off the Mexicans lifeless body.

[White.Rabbit]

anyone who quotes limp will be put on ignore shortly afterwards

[NOTKyle]

Girls have boobs?

[The Dude]

i can has boob pics?

[Candycane]

I go for a girl's subtler qualities. Like, her brain. And her gorgeous moony rear. Photos and/or x-rays of either are appreciated. You'll be giving me pleasure, but more importantly, backing up your medical records.


I like sending pics of my colon lit up.

[Pax Britannia]

I like sending pics of my colon lit up.

Dont tease me.

[mxlplkt]

I like sending pics of my colon lit up.
Now we're talking. I'll hold the flashlight

[Candycane]

A mini maglight will do.

[Pax Britannia]

A mini maglight will do.


Can I hold it with my teeth?

[Candycane]

Don't break em'!!

[vasili denisov]

I like sending pics of my colon lit up.
Don't think of it as a nude pic, think of it as health data.

[Limp]

anyone who quotes limp will be put on ignore shortly afterwards

http://imgurl.filetac.com/img/94298410.gif

[mongo]

http://imgurl.filetac.com/img/94298410.gif

[Da Raider]

maybe feith and i should rub our breasts together while tar heel films.

!!!

[zillionaire]

There's something I want to talk to you all about. This is important, so put down your coffees and your snack packs for a second.

Okay, hold up your index finger and make a 'come here' gesture. Now, do it with both your index and middle fingers. Very good. Now, twirl them around in a circle. Nice. This is how you do it. Don't Jab, stab, or poke. And trim your nails for crying out loud. Your finger isn't a miniature penis, and all it has on Junior is its dexterity.

Thank you for your attention. Now go out and make me proud.

[feith]

There's something I want to talk to you all about. This is important, so put down your coffees and your snack packs for a second.

Okay, hold up your index finger and make a 'come here' gesture. Now, do it with both your index and middle fingers. Very good. Now, twirl them around in a circle. Nice. This is how you do it. Don't Jab, stab, or poke. And trim your nails for crying out loud. Your finger isn't a miniature penis, and all it has on Junior is its dexterity.

Thank you for your attention. Now go out and make me proud.


word.

[Jack Bauer]

we're not all retards. we know how to finger fuck

[NOTKyle]

I like to do the one finger curious poke, like you would to a loaf of bread to test its density.

[feith]

mr. bauer..you'd be surprised..

oh and fingernail cutting is KEY boys.

[zillionaire]

we're not all retards. we know how to finger fuck

Replace the we with an I. You do not speak for all men.

[Gary_Busey]

What guy doesn't know the 'come here' move? I thought everyone knew that.

[NOTKyle]

After I'm done going to town my nails come out trimmed.

[Limp]

Replace the we with an I. You do not speak for all men.
Actually he does... we voted.

[Banon]

I won a contest for the best finger fucker once. True story.

[zillionaire]

Well I am sure all of you are fantastic, and none of you are taking notes.

[Gary_Busey]

Seriously, does no one else remember that? It was epic.
I don't. It should be found and re-posted for history's sake.

[The GWD]

My fingernails look somewhat like this.


http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1172/670312720_dce089b4b8.jpg



And I'm a master of the jabstabpoke technique.

[Candycane]

Chances are if a guy doesn't know how to finger fuck he eats banana and peanut-butter sammiches as gourmet and he certainly can't fuck.

[mongo]

I remember when Goat posted about fingering his woman for hours and we all made fun of him and he told us that we didn't know anything about love and that when you really care about someone you fingered them all day. Then the girls posted that he didn't either because no girl wants a finger in her pussy for hours.

And it was good.

i remember when goat talked about fingering his gf's ass and feeling a turd. that was interesting.

[mongo]

seriously though, fingerfucking is for the birds.

why should i do something for you that you can do your own self?

[zillionaire]

Chances are if a guy doesn't know how to finger fuck he eats banana and peanut-butter sammiches as gourmet and he certainly can't fuck.


I think a lot of guys pretend they don't know what they are doing so that they can skip over that part.

[mongo]

I think a lot of guys pretend they don't know what they are doing so that they can skip over that part.

if i were with you, i'd try to skip over the WHOLE sex part.

[Gary_Busey]

Girls are usually so eager to get my dick in them, they tell me to skip the fingering and go straight to the fucking.

[Banon]

I like to spit on a pussy then fuck it. That's how I roll.

[zillionaire]

dude, you are a tool and you have herpes. you will never have to worry about that scenario. feel better?

[Bill Paxton]

seriously though, fingerfucking is for the birds.

why should i do something for you that you can do your own self?

Well its part of the warmup. I know i can give myself a great HJ, but if im making out and a girl starts doing it, im happy. Im sure girls feel the same way.

[NOTKyle]

I rock the foreplay pretty seriously because I'm terrible at sex. Really helps matters.

[zillionaire]

You are a prince among men.

[6655321]

i like to try and squeeze a whole fist in.

[Limp]

i like to try and squeeze a whole fist in.
Hell yeah... if they start trying to yell when I get the fouth finger in, I just use more duct tape on their mouth and put in 5.

[6655321]

hahaha...i've gotten 4 at most.

[6655321]

it probably is, but that doesn't make it any less fun.

[Jack Bauer]

What guy doesn't know the 'come here' move? I thought everyone knew that.

I learnt from the best. the chicks love him

http://www.omgnintendo.com/global/radar/blog_images/59613-3.jpg

[Romulos]

Go Go Gadget Penis

[Face]

I'm not sure what to make of that

[vasili denisov]

Clearly, with the aid of technology, the south will rise again.

[Face]

viagra?

[vasili denisov]

viagra?
Viagra: because there are some unions you don't want to secede from.

[rustytulip]

One of the greatest chat up lines ever is pointing to your crotch and then point at her and say "Can I put that in there?" 60% of the time it works everytime!

[Jack Bauer]

so i got blew out last night for the first time in ages. was at a party last night. anyway the convo got onto me and all the girls i've been with from work. anyway the girl i work with who im interested in was there. anyway they ended up telling her the story about me fucking this girl i was seeing best friend. at that point my chances went out the window. anyway we ended up going out for a joint and i chanced my arm but no go. thought nothing of it and went back in. anyway later on she decides to ring a taxi and asks me if i wanna head. at that point i thought i had my hole. fuck no the cunt stops at her house and leaves me. she then texts me saying that she likes me as a friend and that she doesnt wanna be another number on my bed post. what the fuck!! if i had of known that i wouldnt have tried nor would i have left the party. best thing is im working with her today. that should be fun.

[Jack Bauer]

i've decided that im just gonna rape her. easier in the long term plus if i wear a mask she wont have a fuck who i am

[vasili denisov]

One of the greatest chat up lines ever is pointing to your crotch and then point at her and say "Can I put that in there?" 60% of the time it works everytime!
That approach tends to be less effective with human females.
i've decided that im just gonna rape her. easier in the long term plus if i wear a mask she wont have a fuck who i am
Though I don't know much about this girl, and there all kinds of women out there, none of whom I've had sexual relations with, I think I'd discourage this masked rape. I mean, what's with this mask stuff? In this fast-paced age, rape has become so anonymous and impersonal. It used to be before someone raped me, they'd give a friendly wave, we'd talk about our favourite bands, maybe trade Office quotes. Now, all too often, I end up handcuffed, naked, and alone, with not even a see-ya nor a toodle-oo.

[Philip Lombard]

anyway later on she decides to ring a taxi and asks me if i wanna head.
Sounds like she's leading you on.

[Penguin Rick]

When you said 'she asked if I wanna head', I totally had a different interpretation.

[Jack Bauer]

just home from work. was talking to her earlier. one of the girls told me that the 3 of them (including the girl) were talking about me yesterday in work and how i've been with all of them and that i pretty much used them for my own gain. what the fuck. not like they said no. fuck them anyway. Christmas temps will be starting soon. i'll try them

[RedBEARD]

Jack's wenches act like they got promised the world when all they actually received was an old fashioned Irish cock thwack. Hilarious.

[Jack Bauer]

Jack's wenches act like they got promised the world when all they actually received was an old fashioned Irish cock thwack. Hilarious.


i'll tell you now. i'll get stuck into one of them before the end of the year. thats for sure. they talk like i fuck all around me and use people. when infact i dont. i love that girl for the 2 mins it takes me to blow my baby batter and then they can go fuck themselves

[RedBEARD]

Are the womerns fairly loose in Ireland, generally speaking?

[White.Rabbit]

ew, irish people are gingers.

[White.Rabbit]

hahaha. i have ginger freckles. :(

[RedBEARD]

hahaha. i have ginger freckles. :(Freckle-tits.

[Stax]

ew, irish people are gingers.

http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w21/ryanblog/Alia-Shawkat-ad01.jpg

I'd hit it.

[White.Rabbit]

THERE ARE NO FRECKLES ON MY TITS

[The GWD]

Prove it.

[Penguin Rick]

I give Tara 3 months before she cracks under the pressure all you guys put on her.

[White.Rabbit]

never. you pieces of shit.

[The GWD]

:(

[Axel]

Advices? Okay!

For a sexually ripe woman size matters. If she’s telling you it doesn’t, she's either consoling you, or she’s not ripe. But hey, you can still stick with teenage girlies.

All that cool misogynic jokes (at least in USA) might impress your buddies, but not necessarily her. But hey, who needs women when you have buddies?

You can keep it tough by saying who cares what bitch wants. But than, don’t cry us a river how that whore left you (for some who can fuck her better).

Wimenz are strange, am tellin' ya.

Yours sincerely,

Dirk Diggler

[White Rhino]

i've decided that im just gonna rape her. easier in the long term plus if i wear a mask she wont have a fuck who i am


That would be the best thing to do.

[Philip Lombard]

so i've decided i'm not settling for less than a 9, possibly an 8 if she has a personality that compensates

i'm a bad person

[Le Goat]

So you're one of those dudes that like big dicks...


Thanks for letting us know

[Philip Lombard]

gay joke, nice

[Le Goat]

It was not a joke. I thought you meant you enjoyed nothing below a 9in cock.


Might want to clarify next time.

[Philip Lombard]

ah, you thought i was into trannies with 9 inch cocks... i can see how you'd project that


i meant 9s out of 10... looks wise that is

[6655321]

"wanker <3's the cock!!!!"

[Philip Lombard]

gay joke, nice

[6655321]

shut up, wank.

[Philip Lombard]

how original

[Poop Sailboat]

wanker is a butt baby!

[RedBEARD]

Dear Dirk,

So, I made this post yesterday...

I'm hoping to have my penis at least grazed upon this evening, but we shall see.And sure enough, I took a young lady out to dinner, we came back to my place, watched a movie, and proceeded to the bedroom. No sex, but there was some cuddling, a lot of spit swapping, groping, etc. Afterwards, we talked and she made some comments to which I remained firmly vague with my responses. Today, I've gotten somewhere on the order of 60 texts and several calls from this chick - all along the lines of, "I miss you, when can I see you again?", "It felt so right", and you get the idea.

I think I'm fucked. I did want some sort of relationship but I don't know for sure that I want one with her as I get the idea already this chick wants to move in. The thing is, she's 25, lives with her parents right now, and has 2 kids from a previous marriage that turned sour when he got abusive. Am I in need of a restraining order or is there an easy out to this that would allow us to remain physical without her thinking I'm husband #2?

Regards,

Fire Crotch

[Jericho]

My sources say no

[Jack Bauer]

im thinking fuck no. sounds like a clinger. but seriously i dont blame here...who wouldnt want the old sprogs to be a fake red junior

[RedBEARD]

I should've just bought a dog.

[Muji]

Dear Dirk,

So, I made this post yesterday...

And sure enough, I took a young lady out to dinner, we came back to my place, watched a movie, and proceeded to the bedroom. No sex, but there was some cuddling, a lot of spit swapping, groping, etc. Afterwards, we talked and she made some comments to which I remained firmly vague with my responses. Today, I've gotten somewhere on the order of 60 texts and several calls from this chick - all along the lines of, "I miss you, when can I see you again?", "It felt so right", and you get the idea.

I think I'm fucked. I did want some sort of relationship but I don't know for sure that I want one with her as I get the idea already this chick wants to move in. The thing is, she's 25, lives with her parents right now, and has 2 kids from a previous marriage that turned sour when he got abusive. Am I in need of a restraining order or is there an easy out to this that would allow us to remain physical without her thinking I'm husband #2?

Regards,

Fire Crotch
she must have found out your an admin on a messageboard, so hard to resist i bet, redbeards going to be a daddy, congrads man

[Muji]

http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/thumb_24/1128964361ZoO0t3.jpg

[RedBEARD]

I shall name him Muji.

[Muji]

http://www.e-cookbooks.net/aprons/stepdad.jpg

[Penguin Rick]

You're fucked.

Get out of it asap.