Humor News Thread

[nuclearjew]

I know some people have posted fake/stairical news articles before and I thought it would be fun to have a thread just for humorous news stories--from The Onion, etc. Not sure where this thread should go, but here seems like as good a spot as any.

Post any amusing ones that you find, preferably using the 'Insert Hyberlink' tool with appropriate title (see examples below).

Search and avoid reposting or suffer the public spanking.

Adding real news that is strange enough to keep everyone guessing about what is real would be really clever. For real.

For extra points, make one up yourself.


Shiite Hits the Fan (http://www.humorgazette.com/blog/?postid=164)
McGruff the Crime Dog Busted in Kitty Porn Sting (http://www.thefakenews.com/kittyporn22505.html)

[Alcestis]

www.msnbc.msn.com (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26232369/?GT1=43001)

STANTON, Texas - Memo to anyone planning a drug store robbery: don't lock your keys in the getaway vehicle.

Police said John Wilkinson, 24, of Big Spring, did just that after he allegedly robbed the Stanton Drug Store of Zanax and hydrocodine.

They said Wilkinson used a caulking gun, wrapped in a dark cloth, to get the drugs Thursday afternoon.

Afterward, he allegedly headed back to his vehicle, which was parked and running in front of the drug store, and discovered he was locked out, the Midland Reporter-Telegram reported in its online edition Thursday.

Stanton Police Chief Mike Adams said Wilkinson then tried to get away on foot. Police, who thought he had a gun, shot him in the top of his shoulder during the short chase.

Wilkinson was treated at the Midland Memorial Hospital and taken to the Martin County Jail on a charge of armed robbery. A jail official said late Thursday he did not know whether Wilkinson had an attorney.

No bond had been set.


This one was dropped at birth.

[Willam]

Trash talk backfires at the Beijing Olympics

By JOHN LEICESTER, AP Olympics Columnist Aug 18, 2:40 pm EDT

http://d.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20080818/capt.05c6ccd68832463ba2c66a6a40bb22bb.beijing_olym pics_athletics_womens_pole_vault_olyat440.jpg?x=18 0&y=200&xc=89&yc=1&wc=235&hc=261&q=70&sig=Rkf5zC5vdM.XrffWUcTofw-- (http://sports.yahoo.com/oly/photo;_ylt=AjUYmjwYBtzMMImj2WdbCWDQ1Zl4?slug=05c6c cd68832463ba2c66a6a40bb22bb.beijing_olympics_athle tics_womens_pole_vault_olyat440&prov=ap) Russia's Elena Isinbayeva cele…
AP - Aug 18, 10:41 am EDT




BEIJING (AP)—Yelena Isinbayeva got the Olympic gold and a world record; American Jenn Stuczynski got the silver and a lesson in humility.
And we now have a new rivalry that should make woman’s pole vaulting fun to watch for many more years to come.
Big poles and big mouths don’t go together. Stuczynski knows that now. Pole vaulting isn’t basketball or boxing. It’s far too graceful of a sport for the kind of trash-talk she doled out before the Beijing Games.


Thought that line was hilarious.

[Morfin]

Couple tased twice by police in first three days of marriage. Yeah, this marriage is gonna last a long time.

Wedding thrashers
LAKESIDE, MICH. | Newlyweds are Tasered, arrested at reception melee, and again two days later

The wedding was on a Michigan beach, the reception was in an art gallery -- but a former Chicago couple's wedding night was spent in separate jail cells after both bride and groom got shocked by a police Taser and arrested at their raucous reception.

Andy Somora and Anna Pastuszwska's July 19 wedding reception in tiny Lakeside, Mich., is still the talk of the town after officers from 14 police departments swarmed the art gallery to quell a melee. The groom's father, uncle, aunt and cousin -- several of whom hail from Villa Park and La Grange Park -- also got arrested.

After they were wed on the beach, bride Anna Pastuszwska and groom Andy Somora (who is being handcuffed) were Tasered and arrested at the art gallery where their reception took place.

"The short version of the story is they didn't want to quit their partying," said Mike Sepic, Berrien County, Mich., chief assistant prosecutor. "If you put this in the class of wedding receptions gone bad, I guess this would take the cake."

And the story didn't end after the reception. Two nights later, the bride and groom were again arrested in Michigan -- and again shocked by a stun gun -- after struggling with police investigating a noise complaint, Sepic said. The groom was charged with pushing his new wife down during that incident, but the charge was later dropped as part of a plea bargain, Sepic said.

Wedding photographer Kacper Skowron, a friend of the bride, said the party was "civilized" and "top-notch," with guests from around the country.

Gallery co-owner Tom Burnison, however, said that, fueled by alcohol, it got out of control and potentially dangerous, including when a guest heaved a metal lamp into a plate glass window. "Calling the police was a last resort," Burnison said.

When the only local police officer on duty that night arrived, Burnison and his wife asked him to help break up the party because it had gotten "out of hand," with booze, water and broken glass on the floor, Chikaming Township police said. One guest was seen drinking straight out of a vodka bottle, Sepic said.

The officer called for backup and told everyone the party was over. Many guests left, but some refused and began cursing at officers, police said.

"Andy got angry and started yelling, 'What are you doing? This is my wedding! You're making my wife cry!' " Skowron said.

"The crowd was trying to hold back the groom from mouthing off more, but finally he broke free, and they had to take him down," Sepic said of police. "He was heading for the officers. . . . Then the bride moved in and tried to interfere."

As the newlyweds struggled on the ground, a police officer used a Taser on Somora, 29, police said. Pastuszwska, 28, was holding her new husband tight, and was shocked as well, Skowron and authorities said.

The couple ended up spending the night with strangers in separate holding cells about 50 feet apart.

The groom was hit with charges of resisting and obstructing police, a felony, and with disturbing the peace. He pleaded guilty to the felony July 30 and could face jail time when sentenced Sept. 15, Sepic said.

The bride was charged with resisting and obstructing, and she pleaded guilty to a reduced charge, Sepic said. She was fined $600.
Link (http://www.suntimes.com/news/metro/1112809,CST-NWS-wed18.article)

[Morfin]

4,100 miles for an arrest that just goes bust -- Kentucky sheriff drives to California only to bring back the wrong man

Two weeks ago, the Butler County, Ky., sheriff and a deputy hopped into their cruiser and drove to California and back -- more than 4,100 miles -- to bring a man to Kentucky for failing to appear in court on the minor felony charge of fleeing from police and drunken driving, a misdemeanor.


On the way there, they stopped to sightsee at country music star Buck Owens' Crystal Palace in Bakersfield, Calif. On the way back, they bought T-shirts at a souvenir shop.

Only when they got back to Western Kentucky and turned their prisoner over to the jail did anyone confirm through fingerprints and mug shots what their prisoner, 27-year-old Joe Oros III, had been saying all along: They had the wrong man.

Embarrassed by the mistake, the county swiftly put Oros on a plane back to California.

"We decided with our attorneys that the best thing to do was get him back home as quick as we could," said Butler Judge-Executive David Fields.

But the cross-country jaunt may prove to cost the county a little more than the expense of a plane ticket. As he was being freed, Oros ran into a helpful Kentucky lawyer who agreed to sue Butler County and the state of California, if necessary, to try to get extra compensation for the 2,000 miles he rode in shackles.

In an interview, Butler County Sheriff Joe Gaddie said he did nothing wrong -- "I had a valid warrant and I served it," he said. And Oros himself may have contributed to his involuntary road trip by signing a waiver of extradition.
Link (http://nky.cincinnati.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/b2/20080818/NEWS01/808180392)

[Crack]

And Oros himself may have contributed to his involuntary road trip by signing a waiver of extradition


Except, the guy signed a document waiving the rights of the criminal...never legally signing over his own...

He's an experienced sheriff...he's going to be taken down in a civil court for his negligent behavior in addition to the settlements the Gov't will pay.

[Jason]

Man Finally Put In Charge Of Struggling Feminist Movement

WASHINGTON—After decades spent battling gender discrimination and inequality in the workplace, the feminist movement underwent a high-level shake-up last month, when 53-year-old management consultant Peter "Buck" McGowan took over as new chief of the worldwide initiative for women's rights.


http://www.theonion.com/content/news/man_finally_put_in_charge_of

[Jason]

This one too

Ain't Nobody Telling Me What My Baby Allergic To

So yesterday some bitch nurse at the clinic was wasting my time trying to tell me my baby Liondrae all allergic to penicillin or some shit. I don't know what kind of made-up bullshit that is. She probably, like, said it just to come off all important.


http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/aint_nobody_telling_me_what_my

[smahoo]

Kid gets Knocked the Fuck Out by a Fish

LITTLE ROCK, Arkansas - A teenager's jaw was broken when a fish flew from the lake where he was riding in an inner tube and smacked him in the face.

Seth Russell, 15, was cruising Lake Chicot in Arkansas on a large inner tube towed by a boat when a Silver Asian carp leaped from the water and hit him in the face. Seth was knocked unconscious.

The teen has had oral surgery to wire several teeth together and still experiences back pain that doctors attribute to whiplash from the high-speed collision, his mother said.

"He doesn't remember anything at all," the boy's mother, Linda Russell, said last week. "He was laughing, and the next thing he remembers, he is waking in a hospital."

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26604743/

[freegood]

http://n2.cdn.spikedhumor.com/1/663000/164531_masturbate_alone_1.jpg

[twisterf5]

that stuff is pretty funny

[Okie Medicvet]

Here is one to make ya'll think:

LXfXuk6aWJc

[Okie Medicvet]

OMG that Palin! :o

w5onEdxx9zs

[pauluncg01]

Here is one to make ya'll think:

LXfXuk6aWJc

Wow, not only did that make me think, it was kind of funny and grim at the same time. I wonder if that classified stuff was deleted in his document or if he had it front of him. And the part about the urban combat where he had to pause was kind of creepy. I can understand them for trying to prepare for the worst case scenario but at the same time I hope it wouldn't come to that.

[Okie Medicvet]

errrr...you do know that this was a video version of the Onion, right?

But that's okay, The first time I saw it, I was all like, what the fuck? as well.

[Alcestis]

www.msnbc.msn.com (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27600496/?GT1=43001)

LAWTON, Okla. - A 28-year-old man who attempted to pay for his bar tab with gum wrappers was arrested after a scuffle with a police officer on Tuesday night, authorities said.

A bartender told police the man was playing pool with an open bottle of beer and spilled some of it on the table. She said he first tried to pay his $32 tab with a credit card, which was declined.

When police arrived and ordered the man to pay his tab, they reported that he began counting out gum wrappers as if they were cash.

The man was detained on a complaint of disorderly conduct and assault on a police officer.

I actually knew someone who tried to use Monopoly game money while in Japan, didn't go as planned.

[SniffTheLog]

Jersey City Councilman Pisses On Crowd at Dark Star Orchestra Concert (9:30 Club)


http://www.acc-tv.com/images/wjla/news/stevelipski1109.jpg

A drunken Jersey City (http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/Jersey+City) councilman was arrested for urinating on a crowd of concertgoers from the balcony of a Washington (http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/Washington) nightclub, police and club sources said Saturday.
Councilman Steven Lipski (http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/Steven+Lipski) was caught relieving himself onto several revelers at the 9:30 Club during a concert by a Grateful Dead (http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/The+Grateful+Dead) tribute band Friday night, club sources said.
"He was very drunk," the source said, noting that it wasn't the first time Lipski had caused a ruckus at the popular concert venue.

"We've dealt with this man before," the source added. "He's never peed on anybody, but he gets really belligerent and drunk."
Lipski, 44, was hauled out of the club about 9:50 p.m. after staffers spotted him in the act on the concert hall's second-floor balcony and called the cops.
The crass councilman, who is serving his second term in office since getting elected in 2001, was charged with simple assault, police said.
Attempts to reach Lipski were unsuccessful Saturday night. His aide, Irina Zaki (http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/Irina+Zaki), said the councilman was in Washington Friday night, but she had no knowledge of his arrest.
The lurid incident marks the second time in recent years that a Jersey City pol was caught with his pants down.
Photos showing Jerramiah Healy (http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/Jerramiah+T.+Healy), still a councilman at the time, naked and passed out on his front stoop were widely circulated in 2004 days before he was elected mayor.

From the band:

This is my personal outrage at the individual who decided to pull his penis out of his pants in the balcony at the 9:30 club on Friday and urinate on the crowd below. Your a Fuck Stick! You might just as well have pissed on the band in my opinion. Your a disgrace to the community and should be ashamed of your self. The irony is it's someone on this board who is a frequent poster and claims to be a fan of the band. Well sir fans like you we don't need. You pissed on hard working fans who paid good money to come to our show. How do you think they will remember their experience? There is no excuse for this and I ask you sir to please don't come to shows anymore. If you can't keep you dick in your pants take it someplace else. I am outraged!
My personal opinion and commentary.....
Rob Eaton
Band Member DSO

[Alcestis]

Is your avatar cheating?

www.msnbc.msn.com (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27718230/)

LONDON - A British woman is divorcing her husband after discovering his online alter-ego was having an affair with a virtual woman in the fantasy world of Second Life (http://secondlife.com/whatis/), media reported on Friday.

Amy Taylor, 28, said her three-year marriage to David Pollard, 40, came to an end when she twice walked in on him watching his online character, Dave Barmy, having sex with other virtual women.

Second Life enables players to create online lives in which their virtual alter ego, or avatar, can socialize, develop relationships, buy property and set up businesses in an imagined world using the game's virtual currency.

The couple met in an internet chatroom in 2003 and married in real life and in a fantasy tropical setting in Second Life.

However, Taylor always had suspicions about Pollard's online loyalty. At one point she hired a virtual detective to test whether his avatar was cheating on her, after finding him at the computer watching his character having sex with a prostitute.

Pollard passed that honeytrap test but earlier this year Taylor found his character in a compromising position with another virtual woman.

"He confessed he'd been talking to this woman player in America for one or two weeks and said our marriage was over and he didn't love me any more," said Taylor, who filed for divorce the next day.

"The solicitor wasn't at all surprised — she said it was her second divorce case involving Second Life that week."

[Morfin]

How can these people be alive. They're so stupid, they must forget to breathe sometimes.

[Morfin]

I can't stop thinking about this. So, let me get this straight.

They met online in a chatroom.
They got married virtually in Second Life, and in real life.
Wife worried about "ONLINE LOYALTY" -- apparently not worried about real-life infidelity (no surprise there).
She hires a "virtual detective."
She finds him watching HIS AV with a VIRTUAL PROSTITUTE.
Then she finds HIS AV in a "compromising position" WITH ANOTHER AV.

In other words, the guy never actually cheated on his wife, just cheated in a fake, computerized, virtual world. And she divorces him over this.

Boy, if there were ever two get-a-life people who deserved to be together, I don't know where they are (other than in Second Life, of course).

I'm thinking that "Second Life" should really be called "First Life," because the people who live in this virtual world obviously don't have a life.

[Kerjack]

Well he did say he didn't love her anymore.

[Morfin]

Yeah, but did he ever love her, or did his virtual person just love her av. Fucking nerdimus maximus and his cyber-biyotch

[Alcestis]

I actually emailed this story to several people, because (as with Morfin)...it had me shaking my head. I should have put in the 'regular' News Section.

[SniffTheLog]

http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/bronx/2008/11/11/2008-11-11_wannabe_thugs_nabbed_after_karate_grandp.html


Wanna-be thugs nabbed after Karate Grandpa shows them his chops


http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2008/11/12/amd_refuse2.jpg http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2008/11/12/amd_refuse.jpg

A 57-year-old Bronx (http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/The+Bronx) man dusted off his karate skills Tuesday and turned the tables on three would-be robbers decades younger than him, police and the victim said.
Diogenes Angeles was walking to a pharmacy near his home in Morrisania (http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/Morrisania) about noon when the young men marked him as an easy target.
"They see that I am kind of old and figured they can just come and rob me," said the grandfather of six.
Eugene Sanchez (http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/Eugene+Sanchez), 19, Rakeem Johnson (http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/Rakeem+Johnson), 23, and Jason Lopez (http://www.nydailynews.com/topics/Jason+Lopez), 25, taunted and then attacked Angeles, police said.
That's when Angeles, who studied karate when he was 14, tapped the fountain of youth and snapped a punch into one of the men - and a streak of fear into the hapless thieves.
"Once they saw I could defend myself, they ran away," Angeles, a retired sign painter, said in Spanish. "I hope they learn from this and don't attack other people."
Police later arrested the cowardly robbers, all Bronx residents, and charged them with robbery, criminal possession of stolen property and resisting arrest.
Sanchez bit a cop on the hand and was also charged with assaulting a police officer, authorities said.
Angeles kept his karate skills sharp by practicing every day, saying he knew they would someday come in handy.
"We live in a city where you leave your house and you don't know what's going to happen," he said. "You need to be able to defend yourself."

[Morfin]

The gangsta's pants fell down. MAJOR LOLZ!

[fuldstændigamok]

Epic booze session ends in nakedness and flooding

Thursday, November 13, 2008 http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2008/11/loribrutscheely_175x125.jpg
Lori Brutsche-Ely: Oh dear, oh dear

A woman has been charged over an epic drinking session where she apparently stole drinks, stripped naked, kicked and bit police and flooded her cell.

Lori Brutsche-Ely, was arrested on Halloween night after reports that she was stealing beer from customers in a nightclub.
She also exposed herself to a band playing at the venue, picked fights and refused to leave, claim police.
When police found her she was completely naked and was shouting at security guards outside the Mint nightclub, the US newspaper Idaho Mountain Express reported.

RELATED ITEMS


http://img.metro.co.uk/i/std/video/camera.gif Latest news bulletin (http://javascript%3Cb%3E%3C/b%3E:PopUp%28%27you_popup%27,%27/video/videoPlayer.html?inMediaId=23447&in_page_id=1%27,%27942%27,%27645%27,%270%27%29)
Today's top news headlines (http://www.metro.co.uk/news/chnHeadlines.html?in_page_id=34)



She allegedly kicked a security guard in the groin and later attacked a police officer.
One victim is reported as saying: "We were still trying to control the female when I felt pain in my left shoulder.
"I looked and observed the woman biting me."
When in jail police said she trashed a sprinkler, flooding the cell and attacked and bit a prison officer.
Sounds like one hell of a night. Fortunately the officer had a tetanus shot, and Brutsche-Ely had this wonderful picture taken.
Smile!

[Mustard]

I'd hit it / fap fap fap

[Skybase]

Okay, this is the only place I could possibly think to put this "news". Sarah Palin back at us again, this time with her pardoning of turkeys. I apologize if I missed another link to this story.

d5qR0aff0Kk

[redsox39]

OH MY GOD!!!!! SARAH PALIN WAS WITHIN 20 FEET OF WHERE THEY KILL TURKEYS!!!

Sorry, I would say more but I have turkey to eat over here.

[Morfin]

Neighbor uses lawn decoration to subdue knife-wielding man

When a drunken neighbor came over and threatened his Thanksgiving guests with a kitchen knife, one Del Paso Heights man allegedly took matters - and a plastic candy cane - into his own hands.

In what police said was self-defense, the man used the two-foot plastic lawn decoration to beat 49-year-old Donald Kercell until police could take Kercell into custody, said Sacramento Police spokesman Sgt. Norm Leong.

Kercell allegedly became intoxicated, went over to a neighbor's home on the 3600 block of Dayton Street early Thursday evening and began waving a kitchen knife at people gathered on the lawn, Leong said.

When Kercell cut a few people's clothing, Leong said, a man at the home decided to fight back. Other people at the home called police.

Leong said the candy cane-wielding man does not face any charges. The knife-wielding man, however, was arrested and booked into the Sacramento County Main Jail on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon.Link (http://www.sacbee.com/static/weblogs/crime/archives/017411.html)

[Alcestis]

Hunter: yep, got me another one.

deer: I think not, mutherafucker!

Hunter: Holy-hell!!

deer: Run Hunter, Run!!

*Ok people, I'll be here all week.

www.msnbc.msn.com (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28005680/)

SEDALIA, Mo. - A hunter bagged a big buck on the second day of firearms season, but the kill caused him a lot of pain. Randy Goodman, 49, said he thought two well-placed shots with his .270-caliber rifle had killed the buck on Nov. 19. Goodman said the deer looked dead to him, but seconds later the nine-point, 240-pound animal came to life.

The buck rose up, knocked Goodman down and attacked him with his antlers in what the veteran hunter called "15 seconds of hell." The deer ran a short distance and went down, and died after Goodman fired two more shots.

Soon Goodman started feeling dizzy and noticed his vest was soaked in blood.

So he reached his truck and drove to a hospital, where he received seven staples in his scalp and was treated for a slight concussion and bruises.

edit: deer > dear. WOW....... my IQ just jumped 50 points. Amen. :p

[hatepoppy]

Hunter: yep, got me another one.

dear: I think not, mutherafucker!

Hunter: Holy-hell!!

dear: Run Hunter, Run!!

*Ok people, I'll be here all week.

www.msnbc.msn.com (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28005680/)
darlin...

it's deer, with 2 e's, not an ea. also, make tits, not jokes.

[Alcestis]

darlin...

it's deer, with 2 e's, not an ea. also, make tits, not jokes.

Lick anus. Not mine...but, well...maybe Archangels. I hear he likes that. <333

[Hoser]

Cardboard cutout Robs Bank
MONTGOMERY TOWNSHIP, N.J. — A standoff at a New Jersey bank is over after police learned a "person" seen inside was actually a full-size cardboard figure.

Officers went to the PNC Bank in Montgomery Township on Thursday night after an alarm went off. They saw what they thought was at least one person through the windows of the bank, which had its blinds drawn.

The area was sealed off and three nearby apartment buildings were evacuated as a precaution. Meanwhile, authorities used bullhorns and made telephone calls in a bid to make contact with whoever might be in the bank.

After repeatedly failing to get a response, a SWAT team entered the building and discovered the cardboard figure.

It was not immediately clear what set off the bank alarm.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_3-h7k_OIJk0/STAkVCMo2vI/AAAAAAAAAQU/9rX923k7he4/s1600/081208_21181.jpg

[Alcestis]

This story is both odd and humorous.

Fox piss. Hell, in a squirt gun? Do they sell this by the gallon the local BASS PRO Shop?

WILLMAR, Minn. - A 50-year-old man who told authorities he was fed up with teens toilet-papering his house decided to defend his property — with a squirt gun filled with fox urine.

Now, Scott Wagar is in trouble with the law.

Wagar pleaded not guilty on Wednesday in Kandiyohi County District Court to misdemeanor assault and other charges. He was released on personal recognizance.

According to police, Wagar was on his property Sept. 16 when he used night vision goggles to see 15-20 people running toward his place. He told police that he told them to leave, swore at them and sprayed them with the fox urine. He also allegedly struggled with one of the teens.

A phone message left at a home listing for a Scott Wagar was not immediately returned to The Associated Press.

www.msnbc.msn.com (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28191199/)

[Morfin]

A phone message left at a home listing for a Scott Wagar was not immediately returned to The Associated Press.


Is this what journalism has sunk to: Looking up the name on Google and dialing a phone number in the hope that you've called the right person?

[smahoo]

How about this one for some dumbassed fuckers...

JOLIET, Ill. - Robbers might think twice about committing a crime when there's snow on the ground. Or at least not head right home.

That's the lesson after police followed footprints from where a pizza delivery man was robbed to a house on the same block and arrested four teens late Tuesday.

Police say two teens waited on a porch for the pizza man and the two others, one holding a bat, approached him.

Police Chief Patrick Kerr said the pizza man turned over pizzas, sodas and $200.

Police said an officer followed the tracks to the house and found two pizza boxes, the pizza man's debit card and a baseball bat.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28191203/

[Morfin]

This is almost a year old and pre-dates my GMF life, but it is the funniest story I've read all year.

Woman Drowns In Rain Barrel Rescuing Kitten
KOAT TV7, Albuquerque ^ | January 7, 2008 | KOAT News

Posted on Tuesday, January 08, 2008 12:33:23 PM by CedarDave

SANTA FE, N.M. -- A woman drowned when she apparently tried to retrieve a kitten from a 55-gallon rain barrel at her home southeast of Santa Fe.

Santa Fe County Sheriff Greg Solano said 48-year-old Deborah Hill was found by her husband Sunday afternoon after he returned home from running errands. Solano said the couple had dragged the plastic barrel inside their home because they wanted to thaw ice that had formed in the barrel.

The barrel, which Solano said was tied to a door so it wouldn't tip, was about one-third full of water when the kitten fell in. Solano said Hill apparently was standing on something to reach down for the kitten when she slid in.

Detectives said the kitten is alive, and most likely climbed out over Hill.
Link (http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1950323/posts)

The last sentence is the icing on the cake.

[Alcestis]

Time to call TAPS!

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia - A burglar who broke into a house claims he was held captive by a "supernatural figure" for three days without food and water, officials said.

Police official Abdul Marlik Hakim Johar told The Star newspaper the house's owners found the 36-year-old man fatigued and dehydrated when they returned from vacation Thursday.

He says they called an ambulance to take him to a hospital.

The man told police that every time he tried to escape, a "supernatural figure" shoved him to the ground.

Abdul Marlik could not immediately be reached and other police officials declined to comment.

www.msnbc.msn.com (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28205738/)

[The Batman]

Man dies after retirement party hijinks

TOKYO (Reuters) – A 60-year-old man who was thrown into the air in celebration at his retirement party died after his colleagues failed to catch him and he fell to the floor, a Japanese newspaper reported on Tuesday.
The case came to light after the man's wife filed a police complaint against colleagues who threw the man up into the air, accusing them of gross negligence, the Mainichi paper reported on its website.
The man died in September, 10 months after the party attended by around 40 people at an unnamed transport company at an inn in Ritto, near the ancient capital of Kyoto in central Japan.
The fall damaged his neck and backbone, leaving him paralyzed, and he eventually died of blood poisoning, the paper said.
"He worked until the retirement age. We had been looking forward to going to various places as a couple and were excited that we would be able to spend a relaxing time together," the paper quoted the man's wife as saying.
"No matter what I say he won't come back, but I want to find out why this happened."

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20081216/od_nm/us_party_2

[Morfin]

Penny Problem Puts Man In Trouble With N.J. Town -- Warrant Issued After Man Tried To Pay $56 Traffic Fine With Coins

NUTLEY, N.J. (CBS) ― A Nutley, N.J. man is putting in his two cents about what he calls a lot of non-cents over a traffic ticket.

He has been trying to pay his fine in pennies, but the town is demanding he change his way of paying.

"It's very easy to count. It goes in 10s. I mean, there's five rows of 10s," Frank Gilberti said.

Gilberti showed 112 rolls of pennies to CBS station WCBS-TV in New York City. He said he thought he could use the coins to pay a traffic fine at the Bloomfield Municipal Court.

"I went to the bank and got $56 worth of rolled pennies and went down to the court house and they refused to take it. They had told me to bring cash. I was under the assumption this was cash."

Non-cents? Not really. Pennies are legal tender. In fact, at the courthouse WCBS-TV found a sign saying cash is accepted.

That's why the Nutley resident said he fought back, calling the court and convincing workers there to take his pennies.

But the 22-year-old said there was a condition -- that he write his driver's license number on each roll.

"I simply asked them if I would have to do just this if I were handing in $56 bill. Would I have to write my driver's license number on each bill? They had no response," Gilberti said.

And even more shocking he said: "Then I found out there was a warrant out for my arrest."

The funeral home employee paid a $90 bail fee in order to stay out of jail. WCBS went by to get a comment from the court, but as soon as reporters got there, they were told: "Turn the camera off."

"It's injustice. This is U.S. currency accepted all over the country [but] apparently not in Bloomfield, N.J.," Gilberti said.

Gilberti's got a court date Tuesday morning and he plans on taking all of these pennies with him, all 112 rolls. Link (http://wcbstv.com/watercooler/pennies.traffic.ticket.2.888243.html)

[Alcestis]

Should have listened to his mom about the dangers of playing with blowtorches! /s

Man melting snow with blowtorch ignites home

NEW BEDFORD, Mass. - Fire officials in New Bedford, Mass., say a man using a blowtorch to melt ice on his back porch ended up setting his house on fire, causing up to $30,000 in damage.

Fire Capt. Scott Kruger tells The Standard-Times of New Bedford that no on was injured during Monday's incident at the three-story home.

Kruger says the man was using a torch hooked up to a 20-pound propane cylinder. He got too close to the building's wood frame and ignited the vinyl siding. The fire quickly spread into the building's second- and third-floor apartments.

It took 25 firefighters to subdue the blaze that damaged bedrooms in the upstairs units, and caused damage to the structure and wiring.

The homeowner will not be charged. buzz-kill

www.msnbc.msn.com (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28366005/)

[Morfin]

89-year-old arrested for keeping ball sues family

BLUE ASH, Ohio (AP) — An 89-year-old Cincinnati-area woman arrested for confiscating the neighbor kid's football is now suing the boy's parents.

Edna Jester filed a lawsuit in Hamilton County Common Pleas Court claiming she has suffered emotional distress because footballs and other playthings belonging to her next-door neighbors keep landing in her yard.

In October, Jester refused to return a football, was taken to the Blue Ash police station and charged with petty theft. The prosecutor later dropped the case.

The lawsuit against parents Paul and Kelly Tanis seeks unspecified monetary damages.

Kelly Tanis calls the suit "very silly" but says she and her husband also worry because they have five children and can't afford a lawyer. Link (http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jwvuXbVJ0cGWbV0JUeDpCd3DWdfwD95EJH680)

[Morfin]

Class Action? Perdue Accused of Secreting Giblets in Chickens

In the complaint, Perdue Farms is accused of disposing of “an enormous quantity of extra giblet parts” by a “secret practice” of stuffing extra hearts, gizzards and necks into its whole chickens, thereby “dispos(ing) of its extra giblets” and tricking customers into paying the regular per-pound price for them.

The complaint alleges:

. . . by this improper method, Perdue incorporates the additional giblet parts in the price per-pound of Perdue whole chickens sold to retail customers. Thus, while Plaintiff was charged $1.29 per pound for whole chicken, the weight of the chicken - and thus total price charged - included the extra giblet parts. This practice allows Perdue to essentially charge Plaintiff and Class for its costs to dispose of extra giblet parts, totaling millions of dollars in improper charges assessed to consumers. Consequently, Perdue makes retail consumers of its whole chickens pay for the privilege of disposing of Perdue’s processing waste. . . .

But aren’t gizzards the best part? Clearly these people have never tasted a good chicken giblet gravy. Indeed, when reached for comment, Julie DeYoung, a Perdue spokeswoman, told the Law Blog: “While it is company practice not to comment on pending litigation, I can tell you the majority of our giblets complaints are about MISSING giblets. We just received the lawsuit and will review it in more detail, but we anticipate a vigorous defense.” Link (http://blogs.wsj.com/law/2008/12/18/class-action-perdue-accused-of-secreting-giblets-in-chickens/)

[The Batman]

275-Pound Woman Says Hospital Told Her to Use Zoo MRI

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,479782,00.html

When a 5-foot, 275-pound woman found out she had a tumor on her spine, she was told by her local hospital to go the zoo to have a MRI because a regular MRI machine could not hold her weight, MyFOXKC.com reported.
Carolyn Ragan told the television station she discovered the tumor two years ago and, after the hospital told her she could not use their MRI machine, a medical assistant (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,479782,00.html#) said he would help her find a solution.
“So he suggested the Kansas City Zoo,” Ragan said. “I thought, I know I’m big, but I’m not as big as an elephant. And my husband got mad.”
The University of Kansas Hospital would not comment on Ragan’s claim, but said its MRI department does not know of any animal MRI in the Kansas City area that would scan a human.
Ragan’s problem was two-fold: She was too heavy for the table and too wide to slide through the opening.
Medical Imaging (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,479782,00.html#) in Kansas City North, which has both closed and open MRI machines can typically hold up to 440 pounds, but sometimes a person who weighs less can still be out of luck, according to an MRI technician.
“It depends on how they are built a lot of times and what part of their body we’re scanning,” said technician Sarah Abbott of Medical Imaging. “(The machine) can only be so open before the magnetic field dissipates into the room.”
Ragan, who ended up having two surgeries and some paralysis, said she finally found an open MRI machine that held her weight, but it was embarrassing and frustrating.
“They should have machines that fit most everybody,” she said.

[Morfin]

Deltona teen jailed, accused of throwing taco at mom

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/media/photo/2009-01/44556280.jpg A dispute that began when a Deltona (http://www.orlandosentinel.com/topic/us/florida/volusia-county/deltona-PLGEO100100415040000.topic) woman unplugged her son's video game ended with the son in jail, accused of shoving his mother and throwing a taco at her, the Volusia County Sheriff's Office (http://www.orlandosentinel.com/topic/crime-law-justice/police/volusia-county-sheriffs-office-ORGOV000026.topic) said.

Dena Moir, 54, told deputy sheriffs she called her 19-year-old son Zachary several times to come downstairs for dinner Tuesday. When he didn't respond, she went upstairs and unplugged his Xbox (http://www.orlandosentinel.com/topic/services-shopping/video-games/xbox-360-PRDCES000000012.topic). She told deputies her son pushed her, called her names and ordered her out of his room.

The woman said she was cleaning the kitchen when her son came down to eat and that she pushed him to the side because he was in her way. At that point, deputies said, the man smacked his mother on the left arm, called her more offensive names and threw his taco in her face.

"I don't think he believed I'll call," the woman told a 911 dispatcher when she called the Sheriff's Office. "He's done this plenty of times before and I've never called."

She spent more than half of the eight-minute call talking about her efforts to evict him from the house.

"I don't want him living with me," she said. "I can't get him out of the house."

She told the dispatcher she had gone to the courthouse but was told she could not evict him. The dispatcher suggested she return to the courthouse and speak to someone else.

The teenager is being held without bail in the Volusia County Branch Jail, charged with domestic violence battery.Link (http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/volusia/orl-taco1709jan17,0,104791.story)

Ha. The little prick was held without bail. Welcome to the real world, you soon-to-be-bitch.

[TylerDurden]

Link (http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/volusia/orl-taco1709jan17,0,104791.story)

Ha. The little prick was held without bail. Welcome to the real world, you soon-to-be-bitch.

don't drop the soap.
http://content.ytmnd.com/content/a/2/0/a20dc2632baa3f52223ba2ce13f2eb8a.jpg

[Morfin]

After driving onto frozen river, man locks keys in car, engine melts ice

A dive team in Port Huron is fishing a car out of the Black River today after a man who drove onto the ice accidentally locked his keys in the car, and the running engine melted ice beneath it.
Advertisement

“It happens a lot more downriver, in Anchor Bay,” St. Clair County Sheriff’s Lt. Matt Paulus said about fishing vehicles out of the river. The river freezes solid and is often used by snowmobiles and cars during winter months, he added. “We usually get a couple a year. We already had two snowmobiles go in last week.”

The man told police he was looking for his dog when he drove out onto the frozen river from Strawberry Lane in Port Huron Township on Tuesday afternoon, Port Huron City Police Lt. Thom Case said. The St. Clair County Sheriff’s Office dive team planned today to help fish out the 1994 Buick, a loaner from a local collision shop while his car was being repaired.Link (http://www.freep.com/article/20090121/NEWS05/90121079/After+driving+onto+frozen+river++man+locks+keys+in +car++engine+melts+ice)

[The Batman]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090123/od_nm/us_goat

Goat detained over armed robbery

LAGOS (Reuters) – Police in Nigeria are holding a goat on suspicion of attempted armed robbery.
Vigilantes took the black and white beast to the police saying it was an armed robber who had used black magic to transform himself into a goat to escape arrest after trying to steal a Mazda 323.
"The group of vigilante men came to report that while they were on patrol they saw some hoodlums attempting to rob a car. They pursued them. However one of them escaped while the other turned into a goat," Kwara state police spokesman Tunde Mohammed told Reuters by telephone.
"We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody. We cannot base our information on something mystical. It is something that has to be proved scientifically, that a human being turned into a goat," he said.
Belief in witchcraft is widespread in parts of Nigeria, Africa's most populous nation. Residents came to the police station to see the goat, photographed in one national newspaper on its knees next to a pile of straw.

[}{arlequin]

Police in Nigeria are holding a goat accused of attempting to steal a car.


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/africaandindianocean/nigeria/4325377/Nigerian-police-hold-magic-goat-over-attempted-car-theft.html


The black and white animal was turned in to police by a vigilante group, which claimed it was an armed car thief who had used black magic to transform himself into a goat to escape arrest after trying to steal a Mazda 323.
"The group of vigilante men came to report that while they were on patrol they saw some hoodlums attempting to rob a car," Tunde Mohammed, a spokesman for Kwara state police, told Reuters.
"They pursued them. However, one of them escaped while the other turned into a goat," he said.

[GotTP4me?]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9ORFOVDFjo
Wowwwwwwwwwwww! What an amazing weather report on the news...

[Hoser]

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9ORFOVDFjo&feature=related)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9ORFOVDFjo&feature=related (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9ORFOVDFjo&feature=related)

Wowwwwwwwwwwww! What an amazing weather report on the news...

HAHAHA, that was some funny news.. HAHAHAH!!!

[Hoser]

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9ORFOVDFjo&feature=related)<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/U9ORFOVDFjo&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/U9ORFOVDFjo&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object> (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9ORFOVDFjo&feature=related)

Wowwwwwwwwwwww! What an amazing weather report on the news...
It just keeps getting better.

[Blue]

Wowwwwwwwwwwww! What an amazing fail I am...

[Hoser]

U9ORFOVDFjo

Fuck was that so hard.

[GotTP4me?]

It just keeps getting better.

yeahhhhh, I totally suck at this whole internet thing :|

haha, yes that is exactly what my horrible attempts said out loud... How embarrassing, I should really use forums more often to avoid instances like this xD

[Trident]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/bristol/7862721.stm

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45432000/jpg/_45432564_porndemo226.jpg

Neighbours in porn movie protest


A man who uses his home near Bristol as a studio for adult films has been confronted by neighbours protesting outside his property.
James Edwards, 42, operates a legal pornographic film studio from his four-bedroom home in Bradley Stoke.
People who live in the same cul-de-sac demonstrated outside Mr Edwards' house with placards claiming his business is affecting the prices of their property.
Police said they only have evidence of legal activity and can take no action.
Clothed
Margaret Kite, 75, who lives in the cul-de-sac, said: "Why is this going on? Why is this allowed? There are little children round here. It is not on. He is laughing at us."
Mr Edwards, who has been in the adult entertainment business for 10 years, said: "When you look at the house, you can't actually see that there's anything going on.



"All right, there are girls visiting and there are camera people coming in and out but they are all clothed when they come out.
"I get on very well with my immediate neighbours."
Peter Kite, who also lives in the cul-de-sac and was taking part in the protest, said: "The police say it's legal but they don't see everything.
"If you've got pornography here now, you're going to have prostitution next, you're going to have drugs. In a residential area? No way - no way."
The Mayor of Bradley Stoke, Rob Jones, speaking from the scene of the protest, said: "It can't be good for the neighbours to have this on their doorstep.
"I've got a lot of sympathy for that. If there are grounds for complaints under anti-social behaviour or trading standards then by all means come to the council and we'll investigate."
A spokesman for Avon and Somerset police said: "We believe the occupier is legitimately running a pornographic recording studio."



http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00008/ed_imgRSNN1525A_8546a.jpg

[Alcestis]

Not really a lulz, more of a HOLY SHITSKI.

So much for me getting into the record books this weeks. Damn!



(Jan. 31) – Uzbekistan officials say they have found the world's oldest woman and, if her age proves to be accurate, she would be the oldest documented person to have ever lived, according to BBC News.

Tuti Yusupova's birth certificate says she was born in 1880, officials told the BBC. That would make her 128, six years older than the previously oldest documented person -- Frenchwoman Jeanne Calment, who died at age 122 on Aug. 4, 1997.

News reports out of Uzbekistan note that the documents, and Yusupova's age, have not been certified, nor have any international organizations come forward to accept her as the world’s oldest person. Currently, that title goes to 114-year-old Gertrude Baines, who lives in California and whose father is believed to have been a slave, according to the Los Angeles Times.

Yusupova's records came to light when officials searched for people over the age of 100 in honor of the country's upcoming 14th anniversary of independence, Safar Hakimov, Uzbek Local Authority Chairman, told the BBC.

Yusupova married at age 17, the BBC said -- which would mean she married in the 19th century -- and had two children. She currently lives with her grandchildren, whose ages weren't given by the BBC but who are clearly well into their own adulthood.

Yusupova says her only health problem is that her hearing isn't as good as it used to be.

news.aol.com (http://news.aol.com/article/uzbekistan-claims-worlds-oldest-woman-at/324323)

[Jericho]

That can't be right

[Morfin]

South Korean granny fails driving test 771 times

SKorean granny fails driving test 771 times AFP/File – Seoul traffic. A dogged South Korean grandmother has failed her driving test 771 times, police said Thursday, …

SEOUL (AFP) – A dogged South Korean grandmother has failed her driving test 771 times, police said Thursday, but a local newspaper reported she will keep trying.

The 68-year-old, identified only by her last name Cha, has taken the test almost every working day since 2005 in the southwestern city of Jeonju. She failed again Monday for the 771st time.

"It was a record-breaking number here," Choi Yong-Cheol, a police sergeant supervising the test in the city's Deokjingu district, told AFP.

"I wonder if she will try it again for a 772nd time."

The Korea Times said Cha will in fact be back for another attempt.

Choi said that Cha cannot pass the preliminary written section of the test, averaging scores of 30-50 whereas the pass mark is 60 out of 100.

Local media said that Cha sells food and household items door to door at apartment complexes, carrying the items in a handcart, but wants to get a car for her business.

Police estimate she has spent almost five million won (3,600 dollars) to take the written test, with each test costing 6,000 won in addition to other expenses.

"I feel sorry every time I see Cha fail. When she passes, I'll make a commemorative tablet myself and give it to her," one officer was quoted as saying.Link (http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090205/od_afp/skoreamotoringoffbeat_20090205024852)

[Alcestis]

GENEVA - Naked mountain hikers in the Swiss canton of Appenzell-Innerrhoden will in future face on the spot fines of 200 Swiss francs ($170), Swiss daily Tages-Anzeiger reported over the weekend.

A wave of naked hiking — particularly popular with German visitors — outraged people last year in the traditionally minded canton, Switzerland's smallest by population, which gave women the vote only in 1990.

"We must protect our children from these immoral habits," the paper quoted Melchior Looser, head of the cantonal justice and police department, as saying.

Police succeeded in catching a naked hiker red-handed last September, and the 44-year-old Swiss man was charged with public nuisance. But the case has not yet been heard, leading the local authorities to push for a quicker way to deal with offenders.

It was not clear where the naked hikers would find the money, although hikers often carry rucksacks.

www.msnbc.msn.com (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29094739/?GT1=43001)

That sentence got me.

[Morfin]

A wave of naked hiking — particularly popular with German visitors — outraged people last year in the traditionally minded canton, Switzerland's smallest by population, which gave women the vote only in 1990.

Poor syntax aside, this is absolutely amazing, positively Middle-Eastern.

[Yelram]

Poor syntax aside, this is absolutely amazing, positively Middle-Eastern.

The swiss are so progressive.

[noahsdove]

KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE BALLS
Phelps' favorite herb might give you cancer

http://images.rodale.com/acc/mh/mhnewsletter/DD-090210-smoker.jpg (http://www.menshealth.com/cda/article.do?site=MensHealth&channel=health&category=prostate&conitem=9f9c3016bec6c110VgnVCM10000013281eac____&cm_mmc=DailyDoseNL-_-2009_02_10-_-MainBlk-_-0)
Michael Phelps’ name was in the news last week—not for his incredible performance at the Olympics, but rather for his, er, herbal hobby (http://www.menshealth.com/cda/article.do?site=MensHealth&channel=nutrition&category=vitamins.supplements&conitem=12f65b0706e1a010VgnVCM100000cfe793cd____&&cm_mmc=DailyDoseNL-_-2009_02_10-_-MainBlk-_-1).

For many, this didn’t sound like that big of a deal. Marijuana is prescribed in some states for everything from glaucoma to pain management (http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/fix_health_problems/index.php?cm_mmc=DailyDoseNL-_-2009_02_10-_-MainBlk-_-2). Legalities aside, a little marijuana won’t hurt anyone—right?

Wrong, according to new research from the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center in Seattle. Doctors found men who smoked marijuana for more than 10 years, more frequently than once a week, or started using it before age 18 were 70 percent more likely to develop testicular cancer than non-smokers (http://www.menshealth.com/cda/article.do?site=MensHealth&channel=weight.loss&category=diet.strategies&conitem=fae999edbbbd201099edbbbd2010cfe793cd____&cm_mmc=DailyDoseNL-_-2009_02_10-_-MainBlk-_-3).

The study found the increased risk appeared to be in the form called nonseminoma testicular cancer (http://www.menshealth.com/cda/article.do?site=MensHealth&channel=health&category=prostate&conitem=9f9c3016bec6c110VgnVCM10000013281eac____&cm_mmc=DailyDoseNL-_-2009_02_10-_-MainBlk-_-4), which accounts for 40 percent of cases and can be more aggressive and difficult to treat.

Experts are unsure about the causes of testicular cancer, which often strikes men in their 20s (http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/diet_plan_for_20s/index.php?cm_mmc=DailyDoseNL-_-2009_02_10-_-MainBlk-_-5) and 30s (http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/diet_plan_for_30s/index.php?cm_mmc=DailyDoseNL-_-2009_02_10-_-MainBlk-_-6). Eat these foods (http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/diet_plan_for_30s/index.php?cm_mmc=DailyDoseNL-_-2009_02_10-_-MainBlk-_-7) and reduce your risks of all kinds of cancers.

Previous studies found chronic marijuana use also can have effects on the male reproductive system (http://www.menshealth.com/spotlight/sexualhealth/3-things.php?cm_mmc=DailyDoseNL-_-2009_02_10-_-MainBlk-_-8), including decreased sperm quality. Trying to have a baby, or at least don’t want to rule out the chance? Give your balls a break (http://www.menshealth.com/spotlight/sexualhealth/complete-guide.php?cm_mmc=DailyDoseNL-_-2009_02_10-_-MainBlk-_-9) and take a multivitamin (http://www.menshealth.com/supplements/?cm_mmc=DailyDoseNL-_-2009_02_10-_-MainBlk-_-10). Men with low sperm (http://www.menshealth.com/cda/advicedetail.do?site=MensHealth&channel=guy.wisdom&conitem=b7346da370d53010VgnVCM100000cfe793cd____&expertId=1c74f5b65fa53010VgnVCM100000cfe793cd____&cm_mmc=DailyDoseNL-_-2009_02_10-_-MainBlk-_-11) count often have deficiencies in zinc, manganese, selenium, and vitamins A, C, and E.

Losing weight (http://www.menshealth.com/bellyoff?cm_mmc=DailyDoseNL-_-2009_02_10-_-MainBlk-_-12) can also help, because fat lowers testosterone levels. And try to cut stress (http://www.menshealth.com/yoga/living-well/5_Fast_Stress_Busters.php?cm_mmc=DailyDoseNL-_-2009_02_10-_-MainBlk-_-13), have more sex (http://www.menshealth.com/spotlight/sexualhealth/last-longer.php?cm_mmc=DailyDoseNL-_-2009_02_10-_-MainBlk-_-14), and stop smoking—cigarettes, and everything else.

[Blue]

Don't eat ATV's or motorbikes! (http://www.mediapost.com/publications/index.cfm?fa=Articles.showArticle&art_aid=100149)

...because if a child develops an appetite for the device's brakes or battery terminals and decides to eat the ATV or motorbike, lead poisoning may result.

They actually had to legislate to prevent this happening?

[Morfin]

Jesus, and I thought we in the U.S. has a problem with lawyers and warnings and how idiotic people can be.

[freegood]

Dutch city fears loss of pornography archive
(http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/E/EU_ODD_NETHERLANDS_PURLOINED_PORN?SITE=AP&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2009-02-12-12-28-57)
By TOBY STERLING

AMSTERDAM (AP) -- The municipal pornography archive in the Dutch city of Leeuwarden is missing and officials fear it may be gone for good.

Spokesman Erik Krikke of the city's historical center said the archive - which contained photos, drawings and erotic texts with a connection to the city - may have been taken home "accidentally" by an employee or visitor.

"We're hoping that someone will say 'Hey, I have that in my attic' and bring it back," he said Thursday. "No questions asked."

Krikke said the collection was small enough to have fit in a moving box.

Mayor Ferd Crone of Leeuwarden, 87 miles (140 kilometers) north of Amsterdam, told local media he had been unaware of the collection's existence and was surprised it was gone.

Krikke said the bulk of the archive had been assembled by a "fanatic" curator at the historical center, mostly during the 1960s and '70s. Items such as pictures by local photographers and artists would be difficult or impossible to replace.

The collection included a copy of the rare February 1998 edition of Dutch Playboy, Krikke said. It featured girls from each of 11 Dutch cities along the route of the country's most beloved ice skating race, the Elfstedentocht. One of those girls was from Leeuwarden.

Asked whether he thought it was unusual for the town to have a pornography collection, Krikke said "yes" - and that made the loss greater.

"Actually, we don't have one anymore," he said.

[Morfin]

Extinct Bird Found, Photographed & Then Eaten

A rare Worcester’s buttonquail (Turnix worcesteri), locally known as Philippines quail, is photographed while being held by a bird hunter in Caraballo (above).

The bird, thought to be extinct, was reportedly photographed for the first time in the Philippines, and then sold to a poultry market as food.

Found only on the island of Luzon, Worcester’s buttonquail was known solely through drawings based on dated museum specimens collected several decades ago.

Wild Bird Club of the Philippines President Michael Lu asked a question that naturally came to my mind: “What if this was the last of its species?”

He told the Agence France-Press news agency that it’s unfortunate that the locals aren’t more conscious of the threatened wildlife around them.Link (http://www.cryptomundo.com/cryptozoo-news/turnix-worcesteri/)

[redsox39]

(AP) A man faces assault charges after allegedly striking another man with a golf club in an argument over manners. Police told the Cape Cod Times that a 50-year-old man leaving a gas station in town on Monday morning held the door open for a 38-year-old man.

Police said the 38-year-old man did not thank the other man, who responded by uttering a sarcastic "thank you."

The two men got into an argument before the 38-year-old went to his car to get a golf club, which he allegedly used to strike the victim several times in the stomach and legs. Police said the victim suffered minor injuries.

The 38-year-old man pleaded not guilty to assault and battery with a dangerous weapon in Falmouth District Court on Tuesday and was ordered to stay away from the other

[Morfin]

Manchester United fan Stuart Slann, won’t cheat via Facebook againhttp://www.bannedinhollywood.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/stuar-slann_1.jpg (http://www.bannedinhollywood.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/stuar-slann_1.jpg)Stuart Slann, a dedicated Manchester United fan, drove 500 miles for a steamy affair with a woman he met on Facebook only to find out that he was being duped into an elaborate hoax constructed by two Liverpool fans he had upset while vacationing months prior.
After traveling for 9 hours on a journey from his home in South Yorkshire to North Scotland, Stuart, 39, was ready for an exciting sexual weekend with Emma, the attractive twenty-something he had been exchanging provocative messages with on a nightly basis via Facebook.

When he arrived at a farm in a remote area of Aberdeen where Emma had told Stuart she lived, he found the place run down, locked up, and deserted. Moments later, Emma texted him explaining that she had been delayed at work and that he would have to wait for her. So he waited and waited inside of his car for three hours.

As the day shifted into night, Staurt was becoming increasingly anxious and he decided to give Emma a call to see when she would be home.

He dialed the number he had been texting, but when he heard the ringer stop he was horrified to hear a man with a Liverpool accent answer and say, “Hello Stuart, do you remember us? It’s them Scouse lads who threw you in the pool. You’ve been framed.”

Last November, Stuart met two cage fighters (and equally opinionated soccer fans) from Liverpool at the hotel he was vacationing at in Cancun. After a few days of soccer banter, the two fighters became increasingly annoyed with Stuart’s boasting about Man U. and after their argument erupted, decided to throw him into the hotel pool. During the scuffle, Stuart broke his ankle and shattered a rib, but the beating he took didn’t end there.

When the two cage fighters returned to Merseyside, they created a fictional Facebook profile under the name Emma and sent him seductive messages while claiming to share a love for Manchester United. Daily Express reports (http://www.dailyexpress.co.uk/posts/view/84897/Fan-playing-away-from-home-falls-victim-to-cruel-hoax) that,“During the nightly email exchanges that followed, “Emma” told Stuart how she couldn’t wait to meet up and make more of their budding relationship.
To make matters even worse, as Stuart drove to Scotland he was even persuaded in a text message to use his mobile telephone to send a rude photograph of himself to “Emma”, who he mistakenly thought was excitedly waiting for him to arrive north of the border.”
Stuart Slann, father of one, has since been divorced by his wife Louise, 34, after she found out about the intended affair.

Stuart responded by saying, “There’s no doubt I’ve been done good and proper by the lads from Liverpool… It was cruel, but I’ll hold my hands up and say they really wound me up.”

To make matters worse, his photos and the tape of the conversation where Stuart realizes who Emma really is have been posted online by the two pranksters, and are kindly provided below.
url_dont-meet-chicks-on-facebook1_130joinedhinted (http://www.bannedinhollywood.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/url_dont-meet-chicks-on-facebook1_130joinedhinted.3gp)
Link (http://www.bannedinhollywood.com/manchester-united-fan-stuart-slann-wont-cheat-via-facebook-again/)

[redsox39]

Man, 28, Dies After 'Guzzling' Viagra During 12-Hour Romp

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,500645,00.html


A Russian man died after guzzling a bottle of Viagra to keep him going for a 12-hour orgy with two female pals.
The women had bet mechanic Sergey Tuganov $4,300 that he wouldn’t be able to follow through with the half-day sex marathon.
But minutes after winning the bet, the 28-year-old died of a heart attack, Moscow police said.
“We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do,” said one of the female participants who identified herself only as Alina.


I gotta say, this is much better than the standard heart attack after 1 round of sex with 1 woman...just saying...

[hatepoppy]

<---- omgz my eViagra wore off!

[Alcestis]

Not humor, more of a 'feel good story'...

MIAMI (AP) - At a time when bankers are being pilloried on Capitol Hill as heartless and greedy, Leonard Abess Jr. stands apart.

After selling his bank for a fortune last fall, he quietly handed out $60 million in bonuses from his own pocket — and not just to top executives. In all, 471 employees and retirees, including tellers, clerks and secretaries, were rewarded, receiving an average of about $127,000 each.

"I think everybody was surprised. But knowing Leonard, the type of person he is, I can believe him giving it away," said retiree William Perry, who spent 43 years at City National Bank of Florida, rising from janitor to vice president. Perry, 78, got $50,000, which he is using to help his son pay for law school.

For his generosity and humility, Abess was singled out for praise by President Barack Obama in his congressional address Tuesday. Abess attended as Obama's guest.

"He's a brilliant banker, which I think is obvious because of how well the bank has done all these years. And, obviously, a very generous man," said Ginger Nunn, a managing senior vice president. "He can not only set an example for other bankers but for any businessperson."

Abess, 60, did not return several calls for comment Wednesday. He never wanted to make a big deal out of his largesse; he didn't even show up at the bank when the envelopes were distributed in November. It wasn't until he mentioned the bonuses in a recent interview with The Miami Herald that they became publicly known.

Abess' father founded the bank in 1946 and he began his career in the print shop, working his way up the corporate ladder. His family sold the bank in the early 1980s to an investment group, which in turn sold it to a Colombian coffee magnate. When the magnate was convicted of fraud, Abess bought a majority stake out of bankruptcy in 1985 for $21 million, all of it borrowed, and then acquired the rest for $6 million.

The bank, under his ownership, grew from $400 million in assets and seven offices to $2.75 billion in assets and 18 offices.

While other bank CEOs passed out million-dollar bonuses to their cronies as their institutions failed, Abess kept City National profitable and received no money from the federal bank bailout. When he sold an 83 percent stake to a Spanish bank for $927 million, he decided to share the bounty with his 399 employees and 72 retirees.

"Those people who joined me and stayed with me at the bank with no promise of equity, I always thought someday I'm going to surprise them," he told the Herald. "I sure as heck don't need" the money.

But others persuaded him that dropping such large checks on the employees without warning wasn't a good idea.

Abess, who remains the bank's chairman and chief executive, made a video telling the employees a bonus would be coming with the sale and assuring them it wasn't severance. A vice president, Linda Naughton, contacted some retirees and told them they would be getting a letter from Abess and should "sit down before they opened it."

Joyce Andrews, who has spent 57 years at City National, including a stint working as a secretary for Abess' father, has known Abess since he was a toddler. On Tuesday night, the 75-year-old woman said, she was so proud she felt like his mother.

Andrews would not say how big her bonus was, but she said she invested it for her retirement.

"It's so unbelievable. I think it has to be the best feel-good story of the year. Don't you? When a man shares that much, $60 million. The fact that he could even do it or thought about it," she said. "There are people that get money that don't do a thing. It's theirs, you know? I think it was a wonderful thing."

news.moneycentral.msn.com (http://news.moneycentral.msn.com/provider/providerarticle.aspx?feed=AP&date=20090225&id=9644683&gt1=33009)

[redsox39]

Not humor, more of a 'feel good story'...


I want to sign up to work for him on his next business venture.

[Morfin]

Screw the "feel good" story. It's time to laugh at other people's problems. YEAH, baby!


Nurses Fired Over Cell Phone Photos Of Patient -- Case Referred To FBI For Possible HIPAA Violations

LAKE GENEVA, Wis. -- Nurses accused of photographing a patient and posting the pictures on the Internet have been fired.

The investigation started with an anonymous call from an employee at Mercy Walworth Medical Center in Lake Geneva, with the allegation that a nurse took pictures of a patient with her cell phone and posted them on her Facebook page.

Last week, the nurse told 12 News she never posted the pictures on the Internet. Investigators have since interviewed the nurse and said she offered more details.

"There were two nurses that independently took a picture each of an X-ray of a patient," Walworth County Undersheriff Kurt Picknell said.

The patient was admitted to the emergency room with an object lodged in his rectum. Police said the nurse explained she and a co-worker snapped photos when they learned it was a sex device. Police said discussion about the incident was posted on her Facebook page, but they haven't found anyone who actually saw the pictures.

The nurse removed her Facebook page from the Internet last week. Without more, Picknell said this conduct does not appear to violate any state laws. He has referred the case to the FBI.

"We've notified federal authorities of this allegation to see if there are federal violations, most notably HIPAA violations, patient rights," he said.

The hospital did not return a call seeking comment.Link (http://www.wisn.com/cnn-news/18796315/detail.html#)

[Willam]

Check out this dumbass:


Greensboro Man Charged With Impersonating Sheriff's Deputy, AGAIN

POSTED: 8:46 am EST February 26, 2009
UPDATED: 9:10 am EST February 26, 2009
GREENSBORO -- A Greensboro man has been charged with impersonating a sheriff's deputy for a second time.
Ricky Jay Ball, 31, was arrested and charged with impersonating a police officer during a traffic stop.
Trooper T.J. Carter had stopped a vehicle Feb. 17 on the suspicion the driver was impaired when Ball, a passenger, said he was with the sheriff's office.
The News & Record of Greensboro reported that Ball had been charged in December with the theft of a Guilford County Sheriff's deputy's badge.
State records show Ball had been convicted in 2005 of impersonating a police officer.

[Alcestis]

Screw the "feel good" story. It's time to laugh at other people's problems. YEAH, baby!

You know my story just made you wept with joy and made you want to hug a stranger. Admit it!

[hatepoppy]

it made me want to eat baby feets.

[Alcestis]

I read this and laughed, then asked myself "how much money in tax payers dollers will this cost to find this man?"

ELIZABETHTON, Tenn. - The Carter County Sheriff's Department is trying to serve an 80-year-old warrant for the arrest of a man who wrote a $30 bad check, although officers are unsure if he is alive.

The warrant, issued in August 1928, calls for the arrest of J.A. Rowland. It says he owes $30 for the bad check, $2 for the arrest fee and 50 cents each for the affidavit and warrant.

Clerks at the Glynn County Sheriff's Office in Brunswick, Ga., recently found the warrant buried in a records storage room while cleaning and mailed it to Tennessee.

Current Carter County Sheriff Chris Mathes told The Elizabethton Star he is still under a legal obligation to find Rowland.

www.msnbc.msn.com (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29439919/)

[redsox39]

I WANT PICTURES!!! ( and a video of the cat!)
http://www.journalstar.com/news/local/doc49abdd68720f0464780876.txt

A Lincoln man was cited on suspicion of animal cruelty Sunday morning for allegedly confining a kitten in a makeshift bong.

Deputies with the Lancaster County Sheriff’s Office were attempting to take Acea Schomaker, 20, 5700 Saltillo Road, into custody on a warrant for marijuana possession and they observed him smoking marijuana from a clear plastic plexiglas container measuring 12 inches by 6 inches, said Chief Deputy Bill Jarrett. And trapped inside the box, which was secured with duct tape, was a one-year-old kitten named Shadow.

Schomaker allegedly told the deputies he put the kitten in the bong because it was out of control and needed to be calmed down, Jarrett said.



The kitten was taken to the Capital Humane Society, and Schomaker was cited on suspicion of animal cruelty and was jailed on the warrant.

[Yelram]

Taken to the "humane" society, where they "humanely" killed it.

[Willam]

Taken to the "humane" society, where they "humanely" killed it.

Still better than letting that dipshit torture it.

[Yelram]

Still better than letting that dipshit torture it.

Torture, smorture, cats love teh pot. I'd be lying if I said I hadnt hot-boxed a cat/kitten before

[redsox39]

Got a Pic!

http://img.breitbart.com/images/2009/3/2/ap-p/55a1628f-e10f-4332-8cc3-fa258ba0b911.jpg
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D96M3DP82&show_article=1

[Morfin]

Lead sentence from the article RedSox linked:

A man who tried to mellow out his cat by stuffing her into a homemade bong is facing criminal charges—and catcalls from animal lovers.

HAHA! Get it CAT-calls. Whoo. With writing like that, there's only one thing to say: I SMELL PULITZER.

[}{arlequin]

Alternative Lifestyle website crippled by hackers

members are panic stricken and paralyzed

http://forum.gorillamask.net/

[Alcestis]

Gulp!

Ready, set ... gulp!
But the other women in the group, eager to hurry the discovery process, made the mistake of challenging Whipple to a race. Being rather competitive, she grabbed a spoon and wolfed down the entire contents of the cup.

“I felt nothing at all,” she told Lauer. “I was racing my friends, so there was no way I was going to lose that competition.”

Harris checked everyone’s cups and didn’t find the ring — gulp! This was not in the script. The video shows him hugging her and whispering in her ear that she had eaten her engagement ring.

Whipple’s gut reaction was disbelief, the story being harder to swallow than the ring.

“I thought he was joking,” she told Lauer. “I couldn’t believe that I swallowed the ring. I kept waiting for him to get down and propose.”

Harris couldn’t believe it either. “It’s not that small a ring,” he told Lauer, a bit defensively.

http://msnbcmedia4.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Video/090302/tdy_lauer_proposal_090302.300w.jpg

www.msnbc.msn.com (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29462344/)

A Wendy's frosty? What a cheap ass.

[Morfin]

Who is more stupid? Him or her? Who puts a ring in a fucking Frostie? Yeah, honey, I just spent thousands on your ring and I plopped it in your Frostie so when you find it, it'll be all brown and gooey.

And her. I know there's a ring in my Frostie, I'll just wolf it down so I can find the ring.

Jesus Christ. Some days I really have my doubts about humanity.

[Willam]

Jesus Christ. Some days I really have my doubts about humanity.


For me, I only doubt on days that end with a "y"

[redsox39]

http://www.wjla.com/news/stories/0309/600125.html

Oh, and I am lazy, but there is a video too!


Residents Appalled After Bus Driver Punches McGruff the Crime Dog

WASHINGTON - D.C. police say McGruff the crime dog, who urges children to "take a bite out of crime," became a victim Saturday when a bus driver punched him in the face as he handed fliers to children.

The popular crime-fighting dog has been around since 1980 as a cartoon character and as a furry mascot known by children and parents alike.

Police say the Metro bus driver, 38-year-old Shawn Brim, climbed off the bus at the corner of 14th Street and Spring Street, adjusted both sideview mirrors and then swung at Officer Tyrone Hardy, who was dressed as McGruff.
Police say McGruff staggered, (Damn, through the Mascot outfit? that dude hits hard) children screamed and the bus driver drove off. Officers quickly pulled him over and charged him with assault.

"Who the bus driver? Oh, he needs to go to jail," said Vincent Rogers. "He needs to go to jail!"

As it turns out, he's come close. D.C. court records show between 1990 and 2006, Brim was arrested on suspicion of prostitution, possession of PCP and possession of a gun.

Despite his record, in 2003, Metro hired him to drive the bus. Metro spokeswoman Candace Smith says Brim told a supervisor he was trying "to be funny." Smith says Brim will undergo drug and alcohol testing.

"But we certainly don't think it's funny," noted Lisa Farbstein, a Metro spokesperson. "There is not one person who works at Metro who thinks that's funny."

A Metro spokesperson says the bus driver has been put on administrative leave pending an investigation and he has been charged with assault. The D.C. police officer inside the McGruff costume is back on the job.

[Morfin]

As it turns out, he's come close. D.C. court records show between 1990 and 2006, Brim was arrested on suspicion of prostitution, possession of PCP and possession of a gun.

Despite his record, in 2003, Metro hired him to drive the bus.

Nice.

[redsox39]

Keeping with the theme:

Man fined for Chuck E. Cheese mascot assault
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29493309/

NEW BEDFORD, Mass. - A Massachusetts man has been fined $500 for assaulting a Chuck E. Cheese mouse.
Authorities say 34-year-old Trahan Pires thought the perpetually happy mascot had pinned his 11-year-old son against a video game after the boy said "Chuck" had picked him up by the arms and cornered him by a console.
Pires, of Fairhaven, ripped off the mascot's head piece, pointed a finger at the man inside and yelled at him.


You Yelled at Chuck E Cheese? $500 fine Asshole!

[Hoser]

http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/jalopnik/2009/03/Petoria.jpg
Easton DUI suspect says he's his own country
by The Associated Press
Wednesday March 11, 2009, 9:43 AM

EASTON -- A man accused of driving drunk says Pennsylvania courts have no jurisdiction over him because he's his own country.

After seeing the paperwork that Scott Allan Witmer, 44, filed with the court claiming sovereignty, a Northampton County judge said Tuesday that Witmer cannot be released from jail until he gets a mental exam.

Witmer, who represented himself, said he believes police lack jurisdiction to pull him over. He said in court: "I live inside myself, not in Pennsylvania." He said there is no victim in the crime and asked to go to trial.

Defense attorney James Connell is serving as Witmer's standby counsel. He said a challenge to the traffic stop would need to be filed as a pretrial motion.

http://www.pennlive.com/midstate/index.ssf/2009/03/easton_dui_suspect_says_hes_hi.html

[redsox39]

http://i.cdn.turner.com/trutv/thesmokinggun.com/graphics/art4/0316093marriage1.jpg (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0316093marriage2.html)
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0316093marriage1.html

MARCH 16--A Florida man wearing an "I ♥ My Marriage" t-shirt was arrested last night for allegedly choking his wife during an argument in their Tampa-area home. Bradley Gellert, a 32-year-old financial consultant, was busted by Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office deputies and booked into jail on a felony domestic battery by strangulation charge. According to a police report, Gellert, pictured in the below mug shot, got into an argument with his wife and "screamed at the victim and threw numerous items." He then allegedly "grabbed the victim's neck and strangled her," which "prevented the victim from breathing normally." Gellert's wife subsequently fled the couple's Apollo Beach home and went to a nearby sheriff's office to report the incident. Investigators noted that the woman had been "taken to the ground by the arrestee and suffered an abrasion to her knee and red marks on her neck." The "I ♥ My Marriage" shirt was a promotional item tied to the 2008 movie "Fireproof," a Christian-themed film starring Kirk Cameron. The movie, a hit in evangelical circles, centers on a fireman's religious awakening and his simultaneous effort to save a failing marriage. Click here to see mug shots (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0316093marriage2.html) of other arrestees nabbed while wearing t-shirts with similarly unfortunate messages. (9 pages)

[Morfin]

Woman Injured in Power Tool Sex Toy Encounter

LEXINGTON PARK, Md. -- Some sexual experimentation landed a southern Maryland woman in a hospital with injuries tough to imagine and even more difficult to forget.

Maryland State Police airlifted the 27-year-old woman to Prince George's County Hospital Center early Sunday morning after she was injured in an incident involving a sex toy attached to a saber saw blade, TheBayNet.com first reported.

The man who called 911 about the incident admitted attaching the sex toy to the saw and then using the high-powered, homemade device on his partner, according to the St. Mary's County Sheriff's Office.

The saw cut through the plastic toy and wounded the woman, according to TheBayNet.com. The injuries were severe enough for medevac, but the woman was released from the hospital Monday and is recovering from her unusual injuries.

Investigators talked to the woman, who told them she suffered the injuries during a consensual act and that she and her partner were trying something new and no crime was committed, the sheriff's office said.Link (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29621224/)

Okay, picture this. There is a small saw with a back-and-forth motion. These two geniuses decided to put a dildo on the saw and watch it go in-and-out of the woman. Instead of taking the saw off, they merely insert the dildo over the saw blade NEVER CONSIDERING THAT THE SAW BLADE MIGHT MOVE AND EASILY CUT THROUGH THE SPONGY PLASTIC, injuring said woman's hoo-ha.

You can just sort of picture the man next to her hospital bed, with her spread-eagled and all patched up, in pain. He's scratching his head, sort of chuckling, "Ya know, honey. Who'da figured? Kinda funny now, though, right?"

[Trident]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/hi/newsbeat/newsid_7961000/7961224.stm

60-foot comedy painting on roof


http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45596000/jpg/_45596188_house466300.jpg

An 18-year-old has secretly painted a 60ft drawing on the roof of his parents' £1million mansion near Inkpen in Berkshire. It was there for a year before his parents found out. They say he'll have to scrub it off when he gets back from travelling.

[redsox39]

Dead Girl Not Permitted to go to Prom!

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,510471,00.html


The parents of a British teen, who died suddenly two months ago, received a disturbing letter from the girl's high school saying she needs to improve her attendance or can't go to the prom, the Manchester Evening News reported.
The letter said Megan Gillan's attendance was 60.4 percent and the school requires its students to keep a 92 percent attendance record.
"I screamed when I first saw it," her mother Margaret Gillan told the newspaper. If they want her to attend that much I'll take Megan's remains. It's disgusting."
Gillan was found dead Jan. 19 in her bedroom at her parent's home. The letter was dated March 16.
"Megan would have loved going to the prom," her mother said. "She planned to go with a group of friends, she was really looking forward to it."
A school spokesman apologized and told the Manchester Evening News, "that letter should not have gone out," and blamed it on a "software error."
Click here to read more on this story from the Manchester Evening News. (http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/s/1104477_letter_shock_for_grieving_parents)

[redsox39]

Balls and Bottoms give way to Wangs in name game

(not my title! lol)


LONDON (Reuters) - The number of people in Britain with surnames like Cockshott, Balls, Death and Shufflebottom -- likely the source of schoolroom laughter -- has declined by up to 75 percent in the last century.
A study found the number of people with the name Cock shrank to 785 last year from 3,211 in 1881, those called Balls fell to 1,299 from 2,904 and the number of Deaths were reduced to 605 from 1,133.
People named Smellie decreased by 70 percent, Dafts by 51 percent, Gotobeds by 42 percent, Shufflebottoms by 40 percent, and Cockshotts by 34 percent, said Richard Webber, visiting professor of geography at King's College, London.
"If you find the (absolute) number goes down, it's either because they changed their names or they emigrated," Webber, author of the study, told Reuters on Wednesday.
He said that in many cases, people probably changed their surnames as they came to be regarded as in bad taste. "It's because the meaning of words can change. Take the name Daft -- that as a term for a stupid is a relatively recent innovation."
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, Daft meant "mild" or "meek" in Old English, whereas it means "foolish" today.
"That's why there are names which people think aren't really very pleasant names and you wonder why they persisted as long as they did."
Webber, whose work can be seen on the website mapyourname.com, got his data for 2008 from credit card firm Experian and mapping service Geowise. He then compared it with the census of 1881.
Webber also discovered that the most popular names in Britain have not changed over the past 127 years. Last year, Smith, Jones, Williams, Brown, Taylor and Davies held the top five spots, in exactly the same order as they did a century ago.
Webber also found that between 1996 and 2008, the names Zhang, Wang, and Yang and experienced the fastest growth. Zhang rose by 4719 percent, while Wang grew by 2225 percent.
(Reporting by Catherine Bosley; Editing by Paul Casciato)

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSTRE52O5IN20090325?feedType=RSS&feedName=oddlyEnoughNews&rpc=22&sp=true

[eleveneighteen]

A study found the number of people with the name Cock shrank to 785 last year from 3,211 in 1881, those called Balls fell to 1,299 from 2,904

Since 1881, cocks have shrunken and balls have fallen.

[redsox39]

Since 1881, cocks have shrunken and balls have fallen.

I know, for a Rueters article, it sure was funny...

[fuldstændigamok]

JUMP TO IT ...AND BUY A HARRIER


http://images.dailyexpress.co.uk/img/dynamic/1/285x214/91819_1.jpg

The Harrier Jump Jet can take-off and land vertically


Sunday March 29,2009


http://images.dailyexpress.co.uk/img/common/commentBubble.gif Have your say(0) (http://www.express.co.uk/comments/add/91819)

FOR sale, one careful owner, complete service history and repaired after a bit of a bump – a 730mph Harrier Jump Jet.

All right, it’s missing an engine, but the legendary British fighter could make you a garden feature.
The Harrier GR7 (ZD462) is being offered to the highest bidder after spending its twilight years as a training plane for mechanics at RAF Cosford, near Telford, Shropshire.
The two-seater will have trouble fitting into most garages. It is 46ft long and has a wingspan of 26ft.
A new GR7 would cost millions, but used, engineless, Harriers have fetched just over £60,000.
The British-invented Harriers became famous in the 1982 Falklands War.
This particular jet’s history is not so illustrious. It came to RAF Cosford after crashing into the sea in 1996. The pilot safely ejected. It is being sold by the Disposal Services Authority, which sells items for the armed forces.

[redsox39]

http://www.polemicandparadox.com/


Tuesday, March 31, 2009

PAID TO DO IT BUT FAILS (http://www.polemicandparadox.com/2009/03/paid-to-do-it-but-fails.html)


A story from the courts in Germany (http://www.just-whatever.com/2009/03/30/paid-to-do-it-72-times/)is guarnteed to bring a smirk to your face.

A judge in Stuttgart must decide on a case of honorable intentions in a situation where a sterile man hired his neighbour to get his wife pregnant.

Demetruis Soupolos, 29 and his beauty queen wife had been trying to start a family with no success. It turned out that poor Demetruis was sterile. What to do? What any one else would do when you run out of sugar, ask you neigbor for help of course!

Demetruis hires Frank Maus to do the job for him. He was married and had to kids already so it was obvious he could do the job. He was paid $2,500 and for three evenings a week for the next six months, a total of 72 times he worked to impregnate Traute.

Maus's wife was no pleased but he told her he was doing it for the money and she had to try and understand.

Turns out that her concerns were justified. Demetruis was not pleased that after 72 attempts Maus was unable to seal the deal. After a medical examination it was revealed that Maus was sterile as well!

Maus wife admitted that he was not the father of her two children and Demetruis is in court arguing a breach of contract.

The courts never get that interesting here.

[Alcestis]

Dangerous and stupid yet very amusing. I'm going to hell.

http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Video/090331/090331-bar-stool-dui-hmed-tease.300w.jpg

NEWARK, Ohio - A 28-year-old man has been charged with drunken driving after crashing his motorized bar stool, Ohio authorities said.

Police in Newark, 30 miles east of Columbus, say when they responded to a report of a crash with injuries on March 4, they found a man who had wrecked a bar stool powered by a deconstructed lawn mower.

Police released the 911 tapes, revealing the calm exchange between the driver's friend and the dispatcher.

"I got a friend who wrecked a bar stool," the caller said.

When asked by the dispatcher whether he hit his head inside the bar, the friend replied, "Um, no, he was riding the bar stool ... a motorized bar stool."

Kile Wygle, the bar-stool rider, was hospitalized for minor injuries.

During an interview after his crash, Wygle told the reporter, "I drank quite a bit after I wrecked."

Police say he was charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated after he told an officer at the hospital that he had consumed 15 beers.

Wygle told police his motorized bar stool can go up to 38 mph.

Wygle has pleaded not guilty and has requested a jury trial.


msnbc.msn.com (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29971638/?GT1=43001)

[Archetype]

http://www.newsarama.com/comics/030931-DDP-Obama.html

If you thought that the comic book industry’s fascination with President Barack Obama was ending anytime soon, you’d be very, very wrong.

To date, the President has guest-starred with the Savage Dragon (http://www.newsarama.com/comics/110811-Obama-Dragon.html), Spider-Man (http://www.newsarama.com/comics/090108-spider-man-obama-wacker.html), and the Youngblood (http://www.newsarama.com/comics/020902-Obama-YOungblood.html) team. He’s also been the subject of a biographical comic (http://www.newsarama.com/comics/100802-PresidentialMaterial.html) by IDW which will continue later this year.

And now, Chicago-based Devil’s Due has announced two more Obama-based comic projects shipping this June, Drafted 100 Days, Barack, The Barbarian: Quest for the Treasure of Stimuli. The first folds Obama into Devil’s Due’s alternate reality world where the earth has united to fight off an alien invasion, while the latter is an ongoing satire series, written by Larry Hama.

The solicitations for the two titles read:

http://i.livescience.com/images/v-Palin2.jpg (http://i.livescience.com/images/Palin2.jpg) Barack the Barbarian
http://www.livescience.com/template_images/icons/icon_enlarge_img.gif ENLARGE IMAGE (http://i.livescience.com/images/Palin2.jpg)


DRAFTED: 100 DAYS: Devil's Due's original Sci-Fi hit returns with this double-sized one-shot featuring the President who could have been. Mark Powers offers a poignant look at a man the world never got to see achieve his true greatness when a race from beyond the stars drafted our planet into intergalactic war. See how he struggles, just as every other man, woman and child on Earth does in this truly inspiring story. As can be expected from Powers, there's one other difference about our hero in this story in that due to an injury... he is MUTE.

1-Shot 48 Page Special

BARACK THE BARBARIAN: QUEST FOR THE TREASURE OF STIMULI: Devil's Due and http://i.livescience.com/images/v-Palin1.jpg (http://i.livescience.com/images/Palin1.jpg) From Barack the Barbarian
http://www.livescience.com/template_images/icons/icon_enlarge_img.gif ENLARGE IMAGE (http://i.livescience.com/images/Palin1.jpg)


Larry Hama (G.I. Joe, Wolverine) take political satire to a whole new level. Hama, a surprise hire to some, but not to those who truly know his tastes, will take a look at the current state of politics both past and present and isn't afraid to point fun at Washinton's sacred cows. In the distant future the story of Barack Obama has become a little... distorted. According to THE MADDOWIAN CHRONICLES he was the one destined to save the great republic of America and dethrone the overpaid despots of the time. Join Barack, Sorceress Hilaria, her demi-god trickster husband Biil, Overlord Boosh and Chainknee of the Elephant Kingdom. Who can the lone barbarian trust, if anyone?

Ongoing Series.

"Yup, we did it, we made Obama books!" states DDP President Josh Blaylock, "But I guarantee you these are unlike ANY others out there."

Both titles are due in comic book shops in June.

[Pharon]

Obama Depressed, Distant Since 'Battlestar Galactica' Series Finale (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/obama_depressed_distant_since)
March 31, 2009 | Issue 45•14

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Obama-Depressed-top.top_story.jpg
Obama told aides he feels "like a cylon without a Resurrection Ship."

WASHINGTON—According to sources in the White House, President Barack Obama has been uncharacteristically distant and withdrawn ever since last month's two-hour series finale of Battlestar Galactica.

"The president seems to be someplace else lately," said one high-level official, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Yesterday we were all being briefed on the encroachment of Iranian drone planes into Iraq, when he just looked up from the table and blurted out, 'What am I supposed to watch on Fridays at 10 p.m. now? Numb3rs?'"

"I haven't seen him this upset since Admiral Adama realized that Earth was actually an uninhabitable wasteland," the official continued. "Or at least that's what he told me. I don't actually watch the show. It's not really my thing."

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Obama-Depressed-Computer-R.article.jpg
Obama attempts to console himself with leaked production stills from the upcoming spin-off Caprica.

Since the end of the series, Obama has reportedly brushed off key budgetary decisions, ignored his wife and children, and neglected his daily workouts, claiming that he no longer cares if he lets himself go "just like Lee did before the rescue on New Caprica."

In addition, sources confirmed that instead of meeting with Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner on Monday, the depressed president sat alone in the Oval Office, scouring Internet message boards for posts by other fans about the series conclusion.

Hoping to cheer himself up, Obama also decided to re-watch the extended director's cut of "Unfinished Business," a season three episode he once described as "bringing the Starbuck-Apollo relationship to a head in the best possible way."

Revisiting the series, however, has only made the president more miserable. After a staffer suggested he bring DVDs of the show along on a recent policy trip to Denver, Obama reportedly muttered under his breath, "What's the point? It's over."

"We were going over his schedule when he sighed and asked if I watched Battlestar," said a White House secretary, whom Obama used to playfully call "Billy." "I told him I was planning on it because my sister's a big fan, but he just stared out the window the whole time."

"I also noticed he took down his Battlestar Galactica season 4.5 poster," she added.

Obama watched the finale just as he had every previous episode, alone in the White House screening room with the volume turned all the way up. Sources said he emerged exhilarated and told several aides that the show's writers "wrapped things up the best they could, though the very end was a little much."

The commander in chief also bragged that he "totally called" the fact that "All Along The Watch Tower" would be used as the jump coordinates for the FTL drive.

Despite his initial excitement, by Monday morning the absence of the hour-long Sci-Fi program had begun to affect the president.

"I'm a little concerned," first lady Michelle Obama was overheard saying at a fundraising event Tuesday. "When Firefly was canceled, he walked around like a zombie for a week, and Serenity was the only thing that snapped him out of it. Last night he said he felt like he had just discovered David Axelrod was one of the Final Five, whatever that means."

A devoted fan of the original 1978 Battlestar Galactica, Obama was initially hesitant to watch the new series, saying he was upset to learn that hotshot pilot Starbuck would be played by a woman. However, during a particularly slow week in the U.S. Senate, Obama decided to rent the first season from Netflix.

Aides said Obama "blew through" season one in a weekend, then purchased season 2.0 from a local Best Buy, and, in order to catch up in time for season three, downloaded the majority of season 2.5 from iTunes.

"When we spoke last month, he said season three was his least favorite because some of the episodes with Helo and the Sagittarons—and pretty much anything that involved Cally—were boring and didn't advance the plot," Afghan president Hamid Karzai said. "But I told him that when you watch it all on DVD, and you don't have to wait a whole week for a new show, those peripheral episodes actually add new color to the already established world."

Added Karzai, "Lately, though, it seems like he'd rather talk about the resurgence of Taliban warlords in Kandahar than the show."

During an emergency press conference on Wednesday, Obama addressed his recent detachment, as well as various other matters facing the United States.

"Our nation finds itself in uncharted territory in the deep emptiness of space," Obama announced. "The Old Girl has limited supplies, no allies, and now, no hope. I never said this would be an easy journey. Yet I promise you this: There is a place where there is no war and no economic turmoil. It is where, according to the Sacred Scrolls handed down to us by the Lords of Kobol, the thirteenth tribe traveled over three thousand years ago. That place is called Earth. Not the other Earth. This Earth. It's complicated. Anyway, I plan to take us there."

Added Obama, "So say we all! So say we all! So say we all!"

[Alcestis]

People and their damn pillow fights.

Police in Detroit have ruffled some feathers after they cracked down on an organized pillow fight at a downtown park.

The Detroit News reports that police at Campus Martius Park prevented the feathery fight Saturday by disarming pillow-toting participants.

The bout was part of a worldwide event organized on social networking Web sites. Other bouts included one on Wall Street, where hundreds pounded each other in front of the New York Stock Exchange.

Michael Davis of Hamtramck, Mich., said police confiscated the 32-year-old man's pillows but returned their cases. He said he was told that he needed a permit.

Participant Scott Harris added that as far as he knows it's "not illegal to own a pillow."

msnbc.msn.com (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30070062/?Gt1=43001)

[Alcestis]

Oopsie-daisy!

BOULDER CREEK, Calif. - The California Highway Patrol said a 23-year-old woman driving an expensive Ferrari owned by her boss flipped it after taking a curve too fast, causing an estimated $125,000 in damage.

CHP Officer Elizabeth Addy said the woman escaped the crash Saturday without injury, but her boss was irate.

The unidentified woman apparently lost control after taking a curve at too high a speed, hit an embankment and flipped.

Addy said the woman was driving the car with the owner's consent.

msnbc.msn.com (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30091127/?GT1=43001)

[Alcestis]

Jesus H ToFo! Now, this is ridiculous.

DENVER - Kelly Coffman-Lee wanted to tell the world about her love of tofu by picking the letters for her car's license plate.

But her tofu fondness ran into a snafu at the Division of Motor Vehicles, which blocked her plan because they thought the combination of letters could be interpreted as profane. Her suggestion for the plate on her Suzuki: "ILVTOFU."

Department of Revenue spokesman Mark Couch said the letters could be misinterpreted.

Coffman-Lee, 38, said tofu is a staple of her family's diet because they are vegan and that the DMV misinterpreted her message.

msnbc.msn.com (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30112394/)

[fuldstændigamok]

LULZ
http://www.indystar.com/article/20090409/NEWS02/904090456

Woman dies after intervening in sword fight
By Kevin O'Neal
Posted: April 9, 2009

A Northwestside fight involving a sword early this morning left three people stabbed, one of them dead and one under arrest for attempted murder.

Christopher O. Rondeau, 39, is being held on preliminary murder charges at the medical holding facility at Wishard Memorial Hospital. He was arrested by the Indianapolis Metropolitan Police Department after a fight at 5259 N. Raceway Rd. Rondeau was in stable condition.
Advertisement

The fight was reported about 1 a.m. today. Rondeau and Adolf Stegbauer, 69, both of Indianapolis, were “actively involved in a sword fight,” IMPD spokesman Sgt. Matt Mount said in a statement. One man used what police described as a World War II Japanese officer’s sword and another had a thin blade sword, although investigators were not immediately certain which weapon was used by which man.

Preliminary reports from police said that Franziska Stegbauer, 77, Indianapolis, tried to break up the fight and was fatally stabbed. Police found all three victims inside the residence on Raceway Road when they arrived early this morning.

An autopsy performed today has determined that a stab wound from a sword was the cause of death.

Adolf Stegbauer was taken to surgery at Wishard, and was reported in serious condition this afternoon.

Police said Rondeau was Franziska Stegbauer’s grandson.

Police do not know how the fight started or who stabbed Stegbauer, Mount said.

[Archangel]

THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!

[Archangel]

Also, lulz @ Adolf Stegbauer.

[Willam]

New York City Woman Jumps to Death, Lands on Teen Shopper at Mall

Thursday, April 09, 2009 http://www.foxnews.com/images/foxnews_story.gif


Print (http://www.foxnews.com/printer_friendly_story/0,3566,513553,00.html)
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A 17-year-old boy suffered a head wound and was knocked unconscious when a woman jumped to her death off a New York City mall balcony and landed on him.
Derrick Mulnoz lost consciousness briefly and had a gaping gash on his head after the unidentified suicide victim leaped over a railing at the Queens Center Mall, hitting him as she fell.
The 56-year-old woman died after plunging several stories. She had been at the shopping center with two teenagers.
"I saw the lady on the floor with a pool of blood next to her and her hairpiece," witness John Perez, 22, told the New York Post. "She landed on a kid. ... He was bleeding from his head."
Mulnoz, a student at Amityville High School on Long Island, N.Y., was sitting on a massage chair on the lower level of the mall when the woman jumped from the third floor about 2:30 p.m. Wednesday, police told the Post.
Witnesses said she was muttering to herself and had removed her shoes before she took her own life, New York 1 reported.
The teen was rushed to a hospital in Queens, New York City, where he being treated for his injuries and listed in stable condition.
The mall was crowded with high school students on spring break when the tragedy occurred.
Click here for more on this story from NYPost.com. (http://www.nypost.com/seven/04092009/news/regionalnews/jumper_lands_on_mall_teen_163637.htm)
The Associated Press contributed to this report.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,513553,00.html

[redsox39]

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?Mans_farting_prompts_knife-throwing_attack&in_article_id=615370&in_page_id=2


A man's flatulence problem in a Texas motel room annoyed his room-mate so much that he ended up stabbing him.

Two friends were sharing a meal in the motel room in Waco, Texas on Tuesday, according to local police, when one of them started passing wind. The other had something of a problem with this, it seems, as he threw a large knife at his companion, hitting him in the leg.
For good measure, he then stabbed him in the chest as well.
The farty victim was taken to a local hospital, where his injuries are not believed to be life-threatening.
His assailant, 33-year-old Jose Braule Ramirez, has been charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, and is being held in jail.

[Limp]

Crazy messicans and their knives...

[Pharon]

Crazy messicans and their knives beans...

[Okie Medicvet]

Someone please post the prerequisate pic of blazing saddles campfire scene; I am just too damn lazy to do it myself.

[Alcestis]

Someone please post the prerequisate pic of blazing saddles campfire scene; I am just too damn lazy stoned to do it myself.

...come on, be honest.

R6dm9rN6oTs

[Datači]

Bullet found in cheek 12 years on (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7994361.stm)

An Albanian woman shot in her sleep in 1997 lived for 12 years with a bullet lodged in her cheek without knowing it until it showed up on an X-ray.

Mrike Rrucaj was injured while lying in bed at a time of civil strife in Albania in 1997.

But doctors told her the bullet passed straight through her cheek and simply patched up her wound.

The truth was discovered a week ago when she collapsed in pain, and the 2.8cm-long bullet was eventually found.

"I was covered in blood and my husband took me to casualty where there were many people injured," she told Albania's Ata news agency of the 1997 incident.

"But the doctor told me the bullet had come out and cleaned the wound.

"I was 28, and did not feel a thing for 12 years."

At the time of the shooting, Albania was wracked by civil violence and anger over fraudulent pyramid schemes, with gunfire common and injuries all too common.

Fatos Olldashi, chief neurosurgeon at Albania's military hospital, did not blame his colleague for not being more attentive in 1997, when an estimated 2,000 to 3,000 people were killed.

"The unique thing about this case is not the operation, but the fact she kept it unknowingly for 12 years in her head," the surgeon told Reuters news agency.

The doctor who treated Ms Rrucaj had, he suggested, worked in different times.

"It is easy to judge the doctor now, but it was quite different back in 1997. He thought it had come out," he said.

"And they were treating seriously injured people, not someone standing up and talking to them."

[redsox39]

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123958305263912309.html#mod=rss_opinion_main


By JOE QUEENAN (http://online.wsj.com/search/search_center.html?KEYWORDS=JOE+QUEENAN&ARTICLESEARCHQUERY_PARSER=bylineAND)

The Obama administration has come under intense criticism for replacing the term "war on terror" with the emaciated euphemism "overseas contingency operations," and for referring to individual acts of terror as "man-caused disasters."
This semi-official attempt to disassociate the administration from the fierce rhetoric favored by George W. Bush and Dick Cheney has enraged Americans on both the right and left. Many feel that such vaporous bureaucratese is a self-emasculating action that plunges us into an Orwellian world where words have no emotional connection with the horrors they purport to describe.
Yet, if the intention of the Obama administration is to tone down the confrontational rhetoric being used by our enemies, the effort is already reaping results. This week, in a pronounced shift from its usual theatrical style, the Taliban announced that it will no longer refer to its favorite method of murder as "beheadings," but will henceforth employ the expression "cephalic attrition." "Flayings" -- a barbarously exotic style of execution that has been popular in this part of the world since before the time of Alexander -- will now be described as "unsolicited epidermal reconfigurations." In a similar vein, lopping off captives' arms will now be referred to as "appendage furloughing," while public floggings of teenaged girls will from here on out be spoken of as "metajudicial interfacing."
A Taliban spokesman reached in Pakistan said that the new phrasing was being implemented as a way of eliminating the negative associations triggered by more graphic terminology. "The term 'beheading' has a quasi-medieval undertone that we're trying to get away from," he explained. "The term 'cephalic attrition' brings the Taliban into the 21st century. It's not that we disapprove of beheadings; it's just that the word no longer meshes with the zeitgeist of the era. This is the same reason we have replaced the term 'jihad' with 'booka-bonga-bippo,' which has a more zesty, urban, youthful, 'now' feel. When you're recruiting teenagers to your movement, you don't want them to feel that going on jihadwon't leave any time for youthful hijinks."
Central Asia is not the only place where the coarse terminology of the past is being phased out. In Darfur, the words "ethnic cleansing" are no longer in use, either by rebels nor by the government itself. Instead, the practice of targeting a particular tribe or sect or ethnic group for extinction is being called "unconditional demographic redeployment." In much the same spirit, the archaic term "genocide" -- so broad and vague as to be meaningless -- has now been supplanted by "maximum-intensity racial profiling."
"We've got problems here, sure, just like any other society," explains a high-ranking Sudanese official. "But we're not talking about Armenia 1915. We're not talking about the Holocaust. The Eurocentric term 'genocide' gives people the wrong idea. And it really hurts tourism."
Another very positive sign that global rhetoric is being turned down a notch is the decision by the North Korean government to refer to its offshore nuclear tests as "intra-horizontal aqua-aeonic degradation simulations."
"You start throwing around terms like 'nuclear testing' and you scare the hell out of the Japanese,' says a Hong Kong-based expert in East Asian euphemisms. "It's why the expression 'people's liberation army' always worked so much better as a recruiting device than 'mass murderers.'"
Another hopeful sign of a subtle cooling of heated diplomatic rhetoric is an official directive by the Hugo Chavez administration instructing journalists to stop using the term 'nationalizing oil fields.' Last week, the more graceful term "petrolic resource reapportionment" began to appear in prominent Venezuela media, along with "amicable annexation."
Yet perhaps the most encouraging sign of all is in Mexico, where vigilante groups have announced that they will no longer use the term "death squads" to describe their activities. Instead, death squads will be identified as "terminus-inducing claques," "free-lance resolution facilitators," and "off-site impasse adjustors."
Finally, in yet another determined effort to disassociate itself from the bellicose imagery favored by the Bush administration, the State Department and the Joint Chiefs of Staff will no longer employ the term "bad guys" to describe al Qaeda.
"It's juvenile, it's demeaning, and it's judgmental," says a high-ranking administration spokesman. "From now on, the bad guys will be referred to as 'the ostensibly malefic.' We'll get back to you when we have a new term for 'the good guys.'"
Mr. Queenan, a satirist and freelance writer, is the author of numerous books. His memoir, "Closing Time," will be published this month by Viking.

[fuldstændigamok]

Polish politician fumes over "gay" elephant in zoo

Fri Apr 10, 2009 1:05pm BST

Email (javascript:commonPopup('/do/emailArticle?articleId=UKTRE53910M20090410',%20540 ,%20600,%201,%20'emailPopup')) | Print (http://uk.reuters.com/articlePrint?articleId=UKTRE53910M20090410) | Share
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WARSAW (Reuters) - A Polish politician has criticized his local zoo for acquiring a "gay" elephant named Ninio who prefers male companions and will probably not procreate, local media reported on Friday.
"We didn't pay 37 million zlotys ($11 million) for the largest elephant house in Europe to have a gay elephant live there," Michal Grzes, a conservative councilor in the city of Poznan in western Poland, was quoted as saying.
"We were supposed to have a herd, but as Ninio prefers male friends over females how will he produce offspring?" said Grzes, who is from the right-wing opposition Law and Justice party.
The head of the Poznan zoo said 10-year-old Ninio may be too young to decide whether he prefers males or females as elephants only reach sexual maturity at 14.

[Morfin]

I am not posting this because the story is humorous, only because of the picture of one of the suspects.

2 men arrested after seeking sex with boy on Internet

\Two men are facing felony charges after authorities say they tried to meet up with who they thought was a 14-year-old boy for sex in Independence Township.


Both men, deputies say, are unemployed. Deputies say McGhee and Stevens approached the undercover officer, posing as the teenager, on an Internet social networking site. McGhee immediately offered to perform a sex act on the boy and arrived at the meeting spot wearing a bright blue jacket he said he’d have on.http://cmsimg.freep.com/apps/pbcsi.dll/bilde?Site=C4&Date=20090415&Category=NEWS03&ArtNo=90415074&Ref=V3&MaxW=180&Border=0Link (http://www.freep.com/article/20090415/NEWS03/90415074/2+men+arrested+after+seeking+sex+with+boy+on+Inter net)

[Alcestis]

http://cmsimg.freep.com/apps/pbcsi.dll/bilde?Site=C4&Date=20090415&Category=NEWS03&ArtNo=90415074&Ref=V3&MaxW=180&Border=0 = http://tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:RDcdt7QwwKIsEM::http://www.fussybudgets.com/Ostrich%20feather%20duster.jpg

[Alcestis]

I could hear it now..."Im gonna cut u bitch, touchin my pork-n-beans!"

GILLIAM, La. - A 54-year-old man stabbed his 63-year-old brother during an argument in their kitchen over a can of pork and beans, police said Wednesday.

Sheriff's spokeswoman Cindy Chadwick said the suspect was booked Tuesday on one count of aggravated battery.

Chadwick said the brother was treated at a medical center for stab wounds in his left arm and shoulder blade.

Chadwick quoted Deputy Jairo Rivera as saying the two brothers had been drinking.

Rivera said the suspect picked up a kitchen knife after his brother threw a punch at him but missed.

msn.com (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30239919/)

[fuldstændigamok]

Sex-Doll Threesome Man Gets Off

http://i42.tinypic.com/scvqf5.jpg


By Brian Hamacher
NBCMIAMI.com
updated 7:15 a.m. ET April 27, 2009



George Bartusek, who got freaky with two blow-up sex dolls in a grocery store parking lot, won't do jail time, a judge has ruled.

Bartusek was let off with six months probation for his open-air synthetic threesome in a Publix Parking Lot in Cape Coral in February.

Stunned onlookers had seen the 51-year-old inappropriately touching his -- ahem -- companions in plain sight.

"As I walk by I saw this guy with two blow up dolls kissing them and bouncing them and trying to get people's attention," a female witness told WPBF after the incident.

"It's just crazy, you know, and I'm with my daughter and she couldn't believe what we were seeing," added another witness, Arthur Castro.

Bartusek, like his blow-up friends, stayed silent as he left court after the sentencing yesterday, refusing to answer any reporters' questions.

Charged with breach of peace and trespassing, Bartusek was facing a year in jail for his escapade.

Now he'll likely have to go to Winn-Dixie for groceries -- the judge told him he isn't welcome back at Publix.

[Morfin]

15-Year-Old Denied Permit For Crash He Had When He Was 6 --
Teen Must Pay Fee, Get Special Insurance

DENVER -- Fifteen-year-old Jesse Jakan was so excited to get his driving permit on Friday.

He had passed the written exam and even taken a driving course. But the Department of Motor Vehicle denied him his permit.

"I didn't really understand what they were trying to tell me," Jesse said.

Jesse said the DMV asked him if he had ever driven before. He said "No." He said a DMV supervisor then told him he had a driving record and needed to have his license/permit reinstated.

"At the time, I was furious," said Chris Jakan, Jesse's dad. "I thought it was the most absurd thing I had ever heard."

When Jesse was 6 years old he was playing around in his mom's car and popped it out of gear. The car rolled down the driveway and crashed into another car.

"This is ridiculous. A 6-year-old should not be held accountable for his actions at that age," said Chris Jakan. "I am just wondering why a 6-year-old would have been ticketed for driving a car when he wasn't driving. He popped it out of gear by accident."Link (http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/19255001/detail.html?taf=den)

[Pharon]

A timeless classic...

Congress Passes Americans With No Abilities Act
June 24, 1998 | Issue 33•24

WASHINGTON, DC—On Tuesday, Congress approved the Americans With No Abilities Act, sweeping new legislation that provides benefits and protection for more than 135 million talentless Americans.

The act, signed into law by President Clinton shortly after its passage, is being hailed as a major victory for the millions upon millions of U.S. citizens who lack any real skills or uses.

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onion_news1367.article.jpg
President Clinton signs the Americans With No Abilities Act into law.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans—through no fault of their own--do not possess the talent necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Clinton, a longtime ANA supporter. "Their lives are futile hamster-wheel existences of unrewarding, dead-end busywork: xeroxing documents written by others, fulfilling mail-in rebates for Black & Decker toaster ovens, and processing bureaucratic forms that nobody will ever see. Sadly, for these millions of nonabled Americans, the American dream of working hard and moving up through the ranks is simply not a reality."

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million important-sounding "middle man" positions will be created in the white-collar sector for nonabled persons, providing them with an illusory sense of purpose and ability. Mandatory, non-performance-based raises and promotions will also be offered to create a sense of upward mobility for even the most unremarkable, utterly replaceable employees.

The legislation also provides corporations with incentives to hire nonabled workers, including tax breaks for those who hire one non-germane worker for every two talented hirees.

Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act also contains tough new measures to prevent discrimination against the nonabled by banning prospective employers from asking such job-interview questions as, "What can you bring to this organization?" and "Do you have any special skills that would make you an asset to this company?"

"As a nonabled person, I frequently find myself unable to keep up with co-workers who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as an unessential filing clerk at a Minneapolis tile wholesaler last month because of her lack of notable skills. "This new law should really help people like me."

With the passage of the Americans With No Abilities Act, Gertz and millions of other untalented, inessential citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Clinton: "It is our duty, both as lawmakers and as human beings, to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her lack of value to society, some sort of space to take up in this great nation."

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28982

[Hoser]

Seems like Wall-e was only a few steps from reality.

[Morfin]

Have a Few Beers; Get Busted for DUI on a Horse

http://wrcb.images.worldnow.com/images/10272368_BG1.jpg Gregory Scott Cooley
http://wrcb.images.worldnow.com/images/static/gfx/pxl_trans.gif http://wrcb.images.worldnow.com/images/10272368_BG2.jpg Jeffrey Owen
http://wrcb.images.worldnow.com/images/static/gfx/pxl_trans.gif
TUNNEL HILL (WRCB) -- Two North Georgia men reportedly had a few beers and went for a horse ride then ended with them in jail.
Forty year old Gregory Scott Cooley and 42 year old Jeffery Ray Owen were charged with DUI this weekend. Cooley said they were watching NASCAR and had a few beers then jumped on the horses his son had out and took them for a ride.
Tunnel Hill police acted on complaints from neighbors and arrested the two men who they say were twice the legal limit for blood alcohol content. Both men bonded out of the Whitfield County Jail.

Link (http://www.wrcbtv.com/Global/story.asp?S=10272368)

[Das Kahlua]

Beverly Anderson is mad as hell. She just started to get tickets for parking in her own driveway.

That's right. The District of Columbia is ticketing people who park their cars in their own driveways.

"This is clearly an attempt by the city to extort money out of property owners," Anderson tells WTOP.

Anderson has received two of the $20 tickets in the past month. Anderson has owned the Capitol Hill house (and the driveway, so she thought) for more than ten years and has never gotten a ticket. And she's not alone.

It seems Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton has also been breaking the law in the eyes of the D.C. Department of Public Works.

"Not only has the Congresswoman been ticketed in her own driveway, she has received a towing ticket on her car parked in her driveway," writes Sonsyrea Tate Montgomery, a spokesperson for Norton. "She did what any other Member would do -and any resident. She contacted her Council Member, Tommy Wells, who assured her the Council will take care of this problem even if it means passing a new law."

D.C. Councilmember Tommy Wells (D-Ward 6) says he's been getting lots of complaints.

"For the first time in anyone's memory," Wells says. "People are starting to get ticketed in their own driveways. This is ridiculous and we're going to get to the bottom of it."

To that end, Wells called the Director of the Department of Public Works, Bill Howland, to find out why his agency was issuing these tickets.

"I asked him what's going on," Wells said, "Is this some kind of revenue raising or policy change? He said he'd get back to me."

Wells said he asked Howland if his department would start issuing warnings for first time offenders.

"He said "No, we don't do that'," Wells said. "If the government is going to be unreasonable about this then we're going to have to look at changing the law."

So what does the law say?

"Any area between the property line and the building restriction line shall be considered as private property set aside and treated as public space under the care and maintenance of the property owner."

Basically what that means is most property owners in the District don't own the land between their front door and the sidewalk, but they are responsible for taking care of it. It's why you can get a ticket for drinking beer on your front porch in the Nation's Capital. You're technically on public space. It's also why the city can ticket you for parking in your own driveway if you don't pull your car deep enough into the driveway beyond the façade of your house or building.http://www.wtop.com/?sid=1659296&nid=695

This is more depressing than funny, but figured this was a good a place as any to put it.

[Alcestis]

When initially reading this story, I thought too myself "this child was extremely brave (lucky)" and anything imaginable could have gone wrong. Yet, she proceeded to open up a can of whoop-ass on these retards.

What made this article even more humorous was the final sentence.

"Final score: Marching band 2, thugs 0," Rust quipped.


The girl punched one of the men in the nose, kicked the other in the groin and beat both with her large baton before she ran away on Friday morning, officials said.

"The moral to this story is don't mess with the marching band girls, or you just might get what you deserve," said Los Angeles County sheriff's Deputy Michael Rust. msnbc.msn.com (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30493653/)

[fuldstændigamok]

Smuggler Caught With 14 Birds in Pants

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2009/05/images/090506-bird-smuggling-picture_big.jpg http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/images/global2004/email.gifEmail to a Friend (http://news.nationalgeographic.com/cgi-bin/email2friend.pl) More Photos in the News (http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/photo_in_the_news.html)




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RELATED


Illegal Mexican Parrot Trade Targeted by New Ban (http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/10/0801002-parrot-trade.html)
Smugglers Spreading Bird Flu, Experts Warn (http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2006/05/060509_flu-smuggling.html)
Bird Photos, Facts, More (http://animals.nationalgeographic.com/animals/birds.html)


May 6, 2009—Given away by bird poop on his socks, fancy pants here was charged Tuesday in California with smuggling exotic Asian songbirds from Vietnam (http://travel.nationalgeographic.com/places/countries/country_vietnam.html) into the United States by strapping them onto his legs.
Droppings on Sony Dong's socks and feathers peeking out from under a pant leg tipped off a Los Angeles International Airport inspector in March, who arrested the 46-year-old.
Dong wore an elaborate set of leggings with buttoned cloth wrappings, which held more than a dozen birds (pictured), the Associated Press reported.
Inspectors had flagged Dong for inspection because he had abandoned a suitcase of 18 birds in the L.A. airport in December 2008.
He had returned to Vietnam in February to collect more songbirds, which included red-whiskered bulbuls, magpie robins, and shama thrushes.
The animals sell for up to U.S. $400 each in the United States, U.S. Attorney's Office spokesperson Thom Mrozek told the Associated Press.
"They're rare and there are collectors who are willing to pay top dollar for these things," he said.
(Related: "900 Oven-Ready Owls, 7,000 Live Lizards Seized in Asia." (http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/11/081118-owls-lizards.html))
The birds, now in quarantine, may be donated to a zoo.
Dong, who was charged with conspiracy, is currently free as a bird on bail.


I don't know what is more awesome: the photo or the fact that his name is sony dong.

[redsox39]

Toilet Snake Bites Trouser Snake:



A Taiwanese man became a sitting target for a snake, which bit his penis as he sat on the toilet at his rural home, local media reported today.

"As soon as he sat down, he suddenly felt a knife-like pain and reacted instinctively by standing up," the China Times said. "When he looked down, he saw the big snake."
The 51-year-old man, from Nantou County, was under medical care with minor injuries, a director at Puli Christian Hospital said.
"As soon as he has passed the risk of infection, he can go," the director, who declined to be named, said. "A snake's mouth isn't always clean."
Local television images showed the black and yellow reptile, reportedly a species of rat snake, being uncoiled and plucked slowly from the toilet bowl.
Snakes regularly enter rural homes in Taiwan and other sub-tropical regions of Asia.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/toilet-bowl-snake-bites-man-on-penis-1682789.html

[robracket]

Does Planet X Exist and is it coming by 2012 a humorous way to look at it ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExL2iXLIJcs&feature=channel_page

[Daydreamer]

Swazi MP apologizes for HIV branding proposal


Thu May 28, 10:05 am ET
JOHANNESBURG (Reuters) – A Swaziland parliamentarian has apologized after calling for HIV-positive people to be branded on the buttocks to stop the spread of the virus ravaging the country.
Timothy Myeni drew widespread criticism after telling a parliamentarians' workshop in Swaziland that the move would enable people to check partners for a warning stamp before sex.
"I'm very sorry. If you need me to show a sign of how sorry I am, I'm ready," SAPA news agency quoted Myeni as telling a news conference in Johannesburg on Thursday.
Critics say Swaziland King Mswati III, who chose a new wife last year at a traditional Reed Dance, sets a bad example by encouraging polygamy in a country with one of the world's highest HIV/AIDS prevalence rates.
(Reporting by Muchena Zigomo; Editing by Charles Dick)


http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090528/od_nm/us_swaziland_hiv_branding_odd;_ylt=An5DyNqLPd1A83g pqT9PN2ms0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTFmanRjZ2gzBHBvcwMyMDQEc2V jA2FjY29yZGlvbl9vZGRfbmV3cwRzbGsDc3dhemltcGFwb2xv

[Morfin]

Neb. Cigarette Bandit Wore Beer Carton As Disguise
Police Say Robbery Caught On Video

LINCOLN, Neb. -- Police in Nebraska are looking a man who stole cigarettes while disguising himself with a beer carton on his head. Lincoln police Capt. Bob Kawamoto said the man walked into a Kwik Shop convenience store before dawn Monday wearing an empty Bud Light box on his head as a mask.

Police said the bandit left with nine packs of smokes valued at nearly $50.

Police spokeswoman Katie Flood said Tuesday morning that the robbery was captured on video. She said the man also dropped the empty 12-pack box as he fled, and it will be checked for fingerprints.Link (http://www.wxii12.com/news/19565865/detail.html)

http://www.boingboing.net/200906010948.jpg

[Hanover Fist]

http://www.myfoxphoenix.com/dpp/news/text_only/feces_on_light_rail_06_02_2009

Homeless Man Plays with
Poop on Valley
Lightrail

Updated: Tuesday, 02 Jun 2009, 7:21 PM MDT
Published : Tuesday, 02 Jun 2009, 3:49 PM MDT

PHOENIX - A light rail train was taken out of service Tuesday morning after someone left a nasty surprise inside.

Around 8 a.m., a train was stopped for cleaning after a man smudged feces in the interior of the train. Police were told the man on the train was flicking and playing with feces.

The light rail operator was notified and quickly took the train out of service.

"It is a biohazard, and we have protocol for how we handle a situation like this," says Hillary Foose. Those protocols include disinfecting the train.

It was discovered near the 38th St and Washington station.

The man, who police say is homeless, was questioned at the station and released. Police plan to review surveillance video on the train.

[Morfin]

Tattoo Misunderstanding

If you're getting a tattoo by a Romanian tattoo artist, make sure he understands your language: The teenager who asked tattooist for THREE stars on her face and ended up with FIFTY-SIX (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1193384/Teen-suing-tattoo-artist-8-500-asked-stars-face--ended-56.html).
http://j-walkblog.com/images2/startatts.jpgA teenage girl is suing a tattoo artist for 8,500 pounds after she allegedly asked him for three stars on her face - but ended up with 56. Eighteen-year-old Kimberley Vlaminck paid 55 pounds for 'the graffiti that has ruined my life' in her Belgian home town of Courtrai.
She claimed the Romanian tattooist who performed the artwork misunderstood her French and English.
She claims she fell asleep while he was doing his work... and awoke to 'this nightmare'.
The tattoo artist claims she was awake, and even looked in the mirror several times.
Link (http://j-walkblog.com/index.php?/P15/)

[Hoser]

To be fair the the artists, didnt the moron notice that he had done a few more then 3?? Who falls asleep while getting a tattoo??

[redsox39]

Who falls asleep while getting a tattoo??

ON HER FACE!!!

I have to imagine that the jaw line and cheek bone area, maybe AROUND YOUR FUCKING EYES could prevet one from sleeping too much...

Anyone else thinking the only way her story makes sense is if she if fucking TRASHED? And then, maybe he DID understand her right...lol

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/06/17/article-1193384-056169CF000005DC-425_634x561.jpg
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/06/17/article-1193384-055D93D8000005DC-304_306x481.jpg

Oh yeah, I'd believe anything she says! lol

[redsox39]

Understanding the NEW Rules under Obama:

Are you confused by all that has changed since Pres. Barack Obama took office in January? If so, you’re not alone. Perhaps, though, this handy guide to Age of Obama “logic” might be of some assistance.

1. The Budget. Wanting to cut $17 billion from the budget, as President Obama has promised, is proof of financial responsibility. Borrowing $1.84 trillion this year for new programs is “stimulus.” The old phrase “out-of-control spending” is inoperative.

2. Unemployment. The number of jobs theoretically saved, or created, by new government policies — not the actual percentage of Americans out of work, or the total number of jobs lost — is now the far better indicator of unemployment.

3. The Private Sector. Nationalizing much of the auto and financial industries, while regulating executive compensation, is an indication of our new government’s repeatedly stated reluctance to interfere in the private sector.

4. Race and Gender. Not what is said, but who says it and about whom reveals racism and sexism. For example, a Hispanic female judge isn’t being offensive if she states that Latinas are inherently better judges than white males.

5. Random violence. Some assassinations represent larger American pathologies, but others do not. When a crazed lone gunman murders someone outside the Holocaust Museum or shoots an abortion doctor, we should worry about growing right-wing and Christian extremism. But when an African-American Muslim convert brags about his murder of a military recruitment officer or an Islamic group plots to kill Jews and blow up a military jet, these are largely isolated incidents without larger relevance.

6. Terrorism. Acts of terror disappeared about six months ago. Thankfully, we live now in an age where there will be — in the new vocabulary of the Obama administration — only occasional “overseas contingency operations” in which we may be forced to hold a few “detainees.” At the same time, ongoing military tribunals, renditions, wiretaps, phone intercepts, and Predator-drone assassinations are no longer threats to the Constitution. And just saying you’re going to close the detention center at Guantanamo Bay is proof that it is almost closed.

7. Iraq. The once-despised Iraq War thankfully ended around Jan. 20, 2009, and has now transformed into a noble experiment that is fanning winds of change throughout the Middle East. There will be no need for any more Hollywood cinema exposés of American wartime crimes in Iraq with titles like Rendition, Redacted, Lions for Lambs, and Stop-Loss.

8. The West. Western values and history aren’t apparently that special or unique. As President Obama told the world during his recent speech in Cairo, the Renaissance and Enlightenment were, in fact, fueled by a brilliant Islamic culture, responsible for landmark discoveries in mathematics, science, and medicine. Slavery in America ended without violence. Mistreatment of women and religious intolerance in the Middle East have comparable parallels in America.

9. Media. The media are disinterested and professional observers of the present administration. When television anchormen and senior magazine editors bow to the president, proclaim him a god, or feel tingling in the legs when he speaks, it is quite normal.

10. George W. Bush. Former president Bush did all sorts of bad things to the United States that only now we are learning will take at least eight years to sort out. “Bush did it” for the next decade will continue to explain the growing unemployment rate, the most recent deficit, the new round of tensions with Iran and North Korea, and the growing global unrest from the Middle East to South America.

Once we remember and accept the logic of the above, then almost everything about this Age of Obama begins to make perfect sense.




http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=NDMzZjhhNmUwYmU1YzdkNTExYzU3ZThhZmM3YTI3ZGU=

Oh come on, its funny!

[Daydreamer]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090618/ap_on_go_pr_wh/us_obama_dead_fly;_ylt=AhX01NZKYFFI_qVhqX9ZrJ2s0NU E;_ylu=X3oDMTFpYmgzZGIwBHBvcwMyOARzZWMDYWNjb3JkaW9 uX21vc3RfcG9wdWxhcgRzbGsDcGV0YXdpc2hlc29i



PETA wishes Obama hadn't swatted that fly


WASHINGTON – The group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals wants the flyswatter in chief to try taking a more humane attitude the next time he's bedeviled by a fly in the White House.
PETA is sending President Barack Obama a Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher, a device that allows users to trap a house fly and then release it outside.
"We support compassion even for the most curious, smallest and least sympathetic animals," PETA spokesman Bruce Friedrich said Wednesday. "We believe that people, where they can be compassionate, should be, for all animals."
During an interview for CNBC at the White House on Tuesday, a fly intruded on Obama's conversation with correspondent John Harwood.
"Get out of here," the president told the pesky insect. When it didn't, he waited for the fly to settle, put his hand up and then smacked it dead.
"Now, where were we?" Obama asked Harwood. Then he added: "That was pretty impressive, wasn't it? I got the sucker."
Friedrich said that PETA was pleased with Obama's voting record in the Senate on behalf of animal rights and noted that he has been outspoken against animal abuses.
Still, "swatting a fly on TV indicates he's not perfect," Friedrich said, "and we're happy to say that we wish he hadn't."



So what is a PETA member supposed to do if they have roaches in their house? And not the kind they smoke.

[Morfin]

Mug Shot of the Year
http://media.courierpress.com/media/img/photos/2009/06/18/bailey_t160.JPG (http://www.courierpress.com/photos/2009/jun/18/41163/) Marcus T. Bailey


A 25-year-old Evansville man was arrested Wednesday when he stepped out of a South Side barbershop to conduct an apparent drug deal, police said.
Marcus T. Bailey, 25, was apparently having his hair braided inside when he stepped out, Green said.
Bailey is being held in the Vanderburgh County Jail on a preliminary charge of dealing cocaine, a class A felony. He is due in court today.
Link (http://www.courierpress.com/news/2009/jun/18/man-arrested-dealing-cocaine-mid-haircut/?partner=yahoo_headlines)

[Morfin]

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/06/17/article-1193384-056169CF000005DC-425_634x561.jpg


Here is a news story about this girl. You must watch it to see the tattoo artist and his "face."
lNyHeshECb4

[Morfin]

Wimbledon church charges tennis fans £20 a day to park on top of graves

Desperate tennis fans with nowhere to park for the Wimbledon tournament are paying £20 to leave their cars on graves in a nearby churchyard.
St Mary's Church in Wimbledon Village is offering spectators parking spots on consecrated ground for £20 a day, directly above the remains of parishioners.

The proceeds of the unofficial parking scheme go to charity but some residents are angry with the plan, describing it as 'disrespectful'.


http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/06/25/article-1195496-057A1DC6000005DC-10_634x380.jpg'The expression to feel like someone's walked over your grave - well imagine a 4x4 parked over your grave.

'I think it's disrespectful to people who have family buried there. I noticed it the other day when I was walking past, about six or seven cars parked there.

'There's plenty of parking elsewhere for tennis-goers, Wimbledon make absolutely loads more parking available during the tennis.'
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/06/25/article-1195496-057A1DA9000005DC-819_634x286.jpg
Link (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1195496/Tennis-fans-desperate-catch-Wimbledon-action-parking-graves-20-day.html)

[redsox39]

Man Charged $23,148,855,308,184,500, $15 Overdraft Fee for Pack of Smokes


MANCHESTER, N.H. -- When Josh Muszynski checked his bank account online, he didn't expect to find a $23 quadrillion debit.

"If it were to be true that someone actually compromised that money and got that money, they could do some severe damage with that amount of money," he said.

Muszynski expected to see a couple hundred dollars in his account, but a 17-digit number that rivals even the national debt confronted him instead, KETV's sister station, WMUR-TV in Manchester, N.H., reported. The mistake alarmed Muszynski, who has downsized to an apartment in efforts to save money to buy a house.

"I thought my card had been compromised. I thought somebody had bought Europe with my credit card," Muszynski said. "It was very concerning."

What Did He Buy?


"I thought somebody had bought Europe with my credit card."
- Josh Muszynski



Muszynski swiped his debit card at a local Mobil gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes for a few bucks, Instead, his Bank of America account indicated he spent $23,148,855,308,184,500 at the gas station -- an amount for which he probably could have used to buy the entire company.

Muszynski may never know what went wrong. He also wondered what he would've done if he actually had money like that to spend.

What Would You Do With $23 Quadrillion? Click To Comment (http://www.ketv.com/money/20057367/detail.html#COMMENTTOP)

If he had $23 quadrillion, Muszynski said he would give it all away, and maybe also bail out General Motors a few more times.

No One Could Answer Mysterious Charge


Hours later, after checking his account, Muszynski rushed back to the store but it appeared no one knew what to tell him. He wondered whether to call a debt relief company or how he'd pay it all off.

"The cashier says she couldn't help me at all. She didn't know anything about it," Muszynski said. "It's a lot of money in the negative, something I could never ever afford to pay back -- my children couldn't afford, grandchildren, nothing like that."

Muszynski called the bank about the string of numbers on the screen and a $15 overdraft fee the bank tacked on to his mysterious debt. After two hours on the phone, Muszynski said, the representative on the line had no idea what to say.

"She just tried to assure me that everything would be fixed, and I couldn't see something like that being fixed," Muszynski said.

Nearly 24 hours after the hole formed in his bank account, Muszynski checked his statement again. The bank corrected his statement a day later.

"It was back to normal. They reversed the negative balance fee, which was nice," Muszynski said.

WMUR contacted Bank of America about the statement mishap, but representatives said the card issuer, Visa, could only answer questions. Visa, in turn, recommended that WMUR contact the bank.

[Okie Medicvet]

2J3z6b3YgoY

[exitflagger]

Swazi MP apologizes for HIV branding proposal


Thu May 28, 10:05 am ET
JOHANNESBURG (Reuters) – A Swaziland parliamentarian has apologized after calling for HIV-positive people to be branded on the buttocks to stop the spread of the virus ravaging the country.


http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090528/od_nm/us_swaziland_hiv_branding_odd;_ylt=An5DyNqLPd1A83g pqT9PN2ms0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTFmanRjZ2gzBHBvcwMyMDQEc2V jA2FjY29yZGlvbl9vZGRfbmV3cwRzbGsDc3dhemltcGFwb2xv

Sounds reasonable ... kidding.

[exitflagger]

Here is a news story about this girl. You must watch it to see the tattoo artist and his "face."
lNyHeshECb4

I think it looks good. Definitely a conversation starter. She'll probably get tonnes more dudes coming up to talk to her now.