Humorous Real Life Conversations

[Trident]

Two friends and I were talking about music last weekend...

Me: "If you could see any band in concert, dead or alive, who would it be?"
Hannah: "Queen"
Me: "The Rolling Stones"
Lisa: "Guys, I really really want to see Kelly Clarkson"

[NOTKyle]

I don't see the humour.

[Trident]

Then you must be German.

[Limp]

Humorous real life conversations

[NOTKyle]

Originally Posted by Biggus Dickus

Then you must be German.

And you must

Spoiler: show

eat farts

[The GWD]

Originally Posted by Biggus Dickus

Two friends and I were talking about music last weekend...

Me: "If you could see any band in concert, dead or alive, who would it be?"

There's clearly only one answer.

[WET HOT MESS]

Sister: My friend emailed me this quiz.
Me:...
Sister: Aren't you interested?
Me: No. But tell me anyway. It beats the shit out of listening to these old people talk about ....
Aunt at a distance: AND SHE TOOK A SHIT ON HER GRANDSON! I mean, it happens to old people, being unable to control their, you know...
Sister: Ewww, old people poo. But I took a quiz about which seven deadly sin I'm supposed to be.
Me: And...?
Sister: It said I'm warth...? (She answered it like she was asking a question, just like in that episode of Family Guy with Brian's dumb gf.)
Me: Warth?
Sister: YEAH. WARTH.
Me: There's no warth. That's not a deadly sin. I don't think that's even a word. It's wrath, you bum. Just because these people make a typo in these stupid quizzes you take online does not give you an excuse to be stupid like them.
Sister: I'm not stupid. And I took the test again and it said I was envy.
Me: That doesn't... don't stray away from the subject. And what the hell do you have to envy others about?
Sister: Jennifer. Her mom let her dye her hair purple and pink and have crazy bangs and wear make up. And she's got a new wardrobe. It's so colorful and she's got these checkered Converses... I think they're Converses.
Me: I should slap the shit out of you. Didn't I teach you better?
Sister: I'm better than [insert name of a girl/slut/whore we know]. I don't post pictures of my boobs on myspace. She flew across the country to bang some stranger she met online.
Me: Don't compare yourself to the worst. You're a moron. That's like saying, I'm retarded, but at least I'm not dead.
Sister: Well I'm not retarded.
Me: What's the square root of 4?
Sister: What? One?

[White.Rabbit]

boy: I love you, but you're such a fucking bitch.
me: But I suck your dick good so shut the fuck up.
boy: Yes ma'am.

[BIG PIZZLE]

I was walking down the hall to my new receptionist's desk while I pass my boss walking in the opposit direction.

Me: *walk, walk*
Boss: *Pointing to my shirt* I really like that color.
Me: *walk, walk*
Me (talking to receptionist): I think I just got sexually harrassed by Wayne.
Receptionist: You should get used to it.
Me: That makes two of us.

[NOTKyle]

Originally Posted by SailorYoon

boy: I love you, but you're such a fucking bitch.
me: But I suck your dick good so shut the fuck up.
boy: Yes ma'am.

You really want all of us to think you're a slut.

[Bill Paxton]

Every one of Pizzle's "humorous" convos is about how sassy he is at the office and every one of Tara's convos are about how much cock she smokes.

[White.Rabbit]

true say man

[BIG PIZZLE]

Originally Posted by Bill Paxton

Every one of Pizzle's "humorous" convos is about how sassy he is at the office and every one of Tara's convos are about how much cock she smokes.

I'm basically at the office 12 hours a day and I sleep for 5; you od the math.

[White.Rabbit]

omg ur like, so important

[pyro]

woman who works in it security: we had an issue getting some of the private files off of a hard drive you sent us.
me: all drives i send to you must be physically destroyed (drilled) so that nobody can get sensitive data off of them.
woman: yes, physically destroyed, not electronically.
me:...

[White.Rabbit]

me: What does your brother do?
friend: He drives a forklift and he makes $1000 every two weeks.
me: Shit. I'd drive a forklift for a grand.
friend: I'd drive a fortlift and suck everyone's nuts.

[Philip Lombard]

$500/week is nothing.

[White.Rabbit]

hes only like, 14 or 15

[Philip Lombard]

asshole

[Face]

I don't get out of bed for $500/week

[Kerjack]

Originally Posted by SailorYoon

hes only like, 14 or 15

Pretty sure you have to be at least 15 to legally work that sort of job. Also he has his license (forklift) at 15?

[Bizz]

Originally Posted by Kerjack

Pretty sure you have to be at least 15 to legally work that sort of job. Also he has his license (forklift) at 15?

But he can totally suck nuts.

[Jack Bauer]

he must suck nuts

*damn you bizzle*

[Marshy]

I once said something to my imaginary friend but he never answered my question.

We are no longer talking.

[Archetype]

Originally Posted by BIG PIZZLE

I'm basically at the office 12 hours a day and I sleep for 5; you od the math.

I like how you said nothing about being "sassy."